I need your support friends on my essay
Hello dear learners, as I EFLlearner as well, I need your opninion and suggestions to improve my essay. This is my first essay writing with the aim of taking a Cambridge exam in the future. If anyone of you are English teacher and could help me out assessing my essay which is meant to be at an advanced level I'm much more than open to receive your feedback. The topic on the essay is on the biggest impacts of technology on our daily lives. Here it is:
Which aspect of our daily lives has been affected most by technology?
- Working life
It goes without saying that technology takes part of our daily lives whether you wish or not. From education to health and finances there it is everywhere. The same technology which provides us with one-click communication benefits is the same that has been deteriorating interpersonal relationships at an unprecedented rate in modern human history.
The technology behind the instant communication process is definitely a breakthrough, because not only made personal relations easier, but also, accelerated the spread of knowledge drastically.
Having been regarded as a must for getting closer to your beloved relatives or friends, the technology used in social networks apps, for example, has tremendously been getting together people that once were separated by thousands of miles of distance. They can now chat, make video calls and even seek for their soulmate in specialised dating apps. In the end, the word became much more connected by people’s desire to establish communication. In addition to this, there is a great deal of scientific background, originated from communication on the Internet. Technology could allow us to communicate much more efficiently knowledge related to new discoveries in health, politics, astronomy, history just to quote a few of them. We are constructing our skills based on communication, academic communication precisely.
The other side of the coin, however, is that all spectacular technological development has ironically been uncovering the apocalyptic end of human relationship as we know so far. It is not uncommon to see evidence for that. Today, we have got allarming rates of social problems like phobias, depression, suicide, egocentrism increasing like an astounding avalanche. For instance, it is quite natural for teenagers these days to date by using online apps only. This, ultimately, can be the starting point for mass destruction of romantic relationships in our physical reality.
From what has been presented one might conclude that technology presented us improvements for human communication in multiple spheres, including personal and scientific ones, whereas the interpersonal relationships are under a serious threat of extinction if we take into account their original purpose to make us get in touch physically with others. All of this scenario demands from us to keep a balanced life between online communication and offline relationships.