The waiting to departure is the hardest feeling which makes Hussan different from others .Hussan sees everything in a dissimilar way , he has talked to himself since he approached forty, always heave sighs as if the weight of the world lies on his shoulder , saying” it's time to stop before the end of the road , to ponder a lot.
Hassan’s eyes as same as others, but he looks at things in his own way .He focuses on the vanished things deeply .Such things inspire him swiftly , for instance he gazes at smock of cigarette how it flies arbitrary and vanished quickly , or planes when they take off and vanished nicely, or trains set out crying from its heavy burdens till they disappear from the sight.
He lingers more than usual in wrecked ships as well as cars . Oh , poor things , they are treated by him as if they are beings .He wanders between and around the wreck. Trying to find out the puzzle of his end, how ?where? and when it will be? he doesn’t know where he is going !but he is in his way despite his misgivings . Rudely reminded of life's serious issues occupies his mind , He gets his unfair share of life which left many scars The scares are yet to recover. Hassan once stand and dress unseen thing as if he’s a mad man “The secret of life has been revealed to me since my early years . So , please destiny , I don’t need you to whisper that in my ears ,I know that I am your victim “

He likes to sit in every evening , watching the sun when it is sighted on the Horizon Seeing things move slowly to their ends make him dreadful and make his imagination runs away with him. He is always scared of last stations as he thinks that it is a vanished point .

I owe much of the author Ernest Hemingway for his novel The Old Man And The Sea. I personally feel, I am just like the old man Santiago of his novel in many aspects .

http://youtu.be/W5ih1IRIRxI

Since in my early years, I have dreamt to be an English teacher. I strove to make my dream come a true. I merely considered that studying was releasing outlet when I feel tired.
I stood just a few steps away from the forty seven. I became an old man and my vivid dream also became an old one. It was growing up with me. I had got everything through my life. I defeated poverty  which prevented me from chasing my old dream. I achieved finally most precious things, except the old dream of mine. I was waiting as long as a great wish lurked in my heart.

Much later, I joined to The College Of Arts. From then on , I devoted myself to attain my dream. So I made many sacrifices in order to be an English teacher. I lost my position as tradesman among my friends, became uncared for money. Moreover, I shrunk a little from participation in my city’s social activities. I did my best to study. I learnt  as much as I could to get higher marks in my class, and  to challenge my fate. At last I managed to be a clever and a successful old student in my college.

Soon after, I graduate and get a certificate which qualifies me to be an English teacher. But I can’t be a good  teacher for many reasons.

In the novel The Old Man And The Sea, there was a hero whose name was Santiago. The fish of The Old Man Santiago was so big, but he could not deal with it. It was uneatable because the sharks had eaten it. Although the old man aimed his strong desire but unfortunately the fish was useless for him.

I feel that I am just like Santiago. I get my certificate in English language but , it is no longer useful to promote me to be a good teacher. My health no longer good as before . Moreover I can't hear audible sounds clearly. I have Tinnitus which makes me tired a lot.  My eyes no longer as eagle eyes because I have read too much recently. Let alone my body is exhausted. I physically unfit to teach students now, though my delight spirit. Even I never –say- die attitude, but what can I do?

Apparently there is unseen powers and unavoidable incidents  which controls our destinies.  Our wills and obviations are not sufficient enough to complete our dreams.

In the Ernest Hemingway’s novel , the hero
Santiago was unbeaten man but there were justifiable reasons behind losing his aim. He hunted a very big fish , but it was useless.

Santiago  was a good reflection to my struggle against my fate.

  An old woman was asked ;what is the purport meaning of love? She answered that I didn’t know the meaning of love before ,but once when I was a kid my father kissed and hug me ,then told me “I love you” I thought at that time that the meaning of love was kindness and warm lap ….

When I hit puberty ,I found a letter under my door which was sent by my neighbor , he was a handsome young .It contained words “I love you “then I thought that love means bravery and craziness.

Not much later , the handsome young asked me to marry him, then we met and I knew him closely . He said firstly “I love you “ then I thought that love means ambition ,work, target and determination.
 

Later on, we got married ,then he kissed me on my head and said “I love you “ then I thought love means, eagerness, fondness and ardency. While afterwards ,I felt pangs of childbirth came to me. I got a son . I was tired and scared .My husband came and caught my hands kindly and said “I love you “Then I thought that love means , grateful , appreciation ,kindness and passion .

Much later , I grew older and my sons got married .My old husband looked at my gray hair with wide smile then said” I love you “I thought that love means mercy and sympathy

As long as the years passed on ,we became so old. My old husband said “ I love you “ and I thought that love means sincerity truthfulness loyalty and giving .

This is the true love , it grows up with us and we discover its secrets as much as we grow up
love begins as a small spot and gradually enlarges and spreads throughout most our souls and hearts, while hatred deludes us by a false satisfaction and it begins to enlarge itself in our hearts and when it leaves us , it causes many scars which are hardly recover .

In every day, there are some of inventions like , phones, satellite ,internet and some of them give as much as take.
Today I undergo from the vanity and artificiality in our society. The unusual youth`s conduct nowadays are illustrated by triviality of their actions .This is my view of course, so I am just about to highlight some points.
During a discussion between group of younger people and me at a barber’s shop , I am extremely shocked when I see the younger demand from the barber to make their appearance like women’s, on the pretext of a new style , and the barber himself begins arranging their hairs and applying the cream on their cheeks ,really they look like beautiful girls ,dressing colorful clothes, appearing as easy preys to be hunted by hunters .
I told them “ You are vain younger. You start losing your moralities” And one of the them said to me “Oh man it is the freedom ; you live in a stagnant life. You cut off completely from modern life style “ Another showy one said” You live in a primitive and uncivilized life “

It is quite alright to say that the spell of degeneration and corruption of channel TVs badly affect our families. It sweep our community and invade us .As I see some changes in my brother's conduct. He becomes rebellious boy. And so violent. Also our women are deeply influenced and infatuated by fashions and new materialistic life style.
I am not only one in this view .perhaps , I present the typical man in my society .Apparently everything will change , and the convention and concepts of morality start collapsing , and being eroded by the wind of change . Men like me cannot help resisting the creeping of new life style.
I quite have known that some persons do not agree with me, so I search about the suitable norms to evaluate my behavior with them. It is dilemma .I become uncertain, wandering; whether they are right or not .Should I blame my stoned mind, stillness, or being so fussy or outdated or anti-social change man; As they always describe me? Should I retreat to past and live in my own seclusion? Remembering the shadowy glimpses of past , waiting for the wheel of change to crush or defeat me?
Really I do not know.

You usually  hear or read a title then search for  suitable links  to see whether this title relevant  to the topic context   or notMany times in newspaper you read a title so far from the topic itself  , you read for example a title ;

 " The  president divorces  his wife "

Then, you become eager to read this interesting news as the title catches your intention  but later on you will discover  a core of this news , it is  a film company will produce a film about  a president  who divorces his wife  The title is irrelevant  with context core of news. surely it is silly news ,but  the title obliges you to read  it.

I often  listen to enjoyable  Yanni  music ,  and  I find an ambiguous  title " guilty pleasure" . It is hard to find a norm to identify   the title with context  .But this title fires my  imagination , makes me think that no pleasure with guiltiness since guiltiness cause regret .

 The title" guilty pleasure"  takes its meaning correctly  when you link it with God to find yourself  guilty ,regret , humble, when feel by guiltiness feeling you will  move pleasurably  to tear asking for His mercy and His forgiveness gives you  extraordinary release 

This is my view of course

Nowadays the results of examinations have been declared in Iraq.At every end of every year , Ziad prepares some presents to successful students of his neighbors who pass the exams successfully and promote to new classes, because he loves to see happiness in kids’ faces .He is loved by children and teenagers alike.

He declared , today was the time of presents. Children gathered in queue to receive their gifts. He gave the first child his gift and reached the last one . All children were so grateful , the last one was eight years pretty girl of new neighbor, she had two long braid ,her twinkle eyes were so clear ,and had a wide smile .

She rose her hands silently to take the present but she did not thank Zaid. He insisted on her to tell him what was her name .She found it was impossible for her to speak ,but she instead of telling him her name , her smile disappeared suddenly She was fond of taking her present .
He prevented her from taking the present unless she told him her name . suddenly children's voices were loaded with their mock,
"She is dumb".
"She is dumb …she is not a student…she is not a student she is dumb"
She was so impressed , wept, and ran as fast as she could
He followed her when she was getting home , He found her in a dark corner. She balled her body and her face lighted the dark room .
He gave her the present and promised "I will be your best friend ", and begged her to keep smiling .At last she smiled again. Then ,he gathered the children again and addressed them;
"If one of your friends is victimized by fate please,, please do not be at the fate side"

Sometimes, thinking about her age goes great length . Forgetting herself, and be non the wiser .When she sees a woman in a the same age with as her ,she finds herself hurries unconsciously to her mirror to compare herself with her ,seeing how the years have destroyed her pale face.

While her eyes keep watching in a mirror examining sluggishly the skin beneath her eyes ,hair and lips… a dreadful realization comes over her all at once ,that her days have gone and nothing will return the wheel of life.

The mirror reflects many facts; she is a woman of forty, with a strength greater than iron, and patience more than endurance itself.

She spends every day of her life coming and going to get her providence in dignity in a very disturbance country. She turns away among satisfying her parents, her brother whom she loves him beyond all deserving and bore patiently with his many disgraceful doings and between herself .She did utmost to be a successful woman . But never once she complains.

Today, she bemoans her life; saying”Oh.. how the years went so fast” .Then ,she goes in flashback to her early time , spring ,summer, and her fall ,she wanders “ How the time has escaped “but she comforts herself ,remembers death ,repeats her teacher`s saying "we are all passing away though slow to depart " . asking herself a contemplative and deep question ; where will I go , and why I came? what is the wisdom from all of that? I have just adjusted my life, snatch my fruit of my life , my successful efforts, alas I become an old one now.

She becomes outrage ,and can't bear that feeling any more .Fearing of next unwelcome winter that might be more sever then she smashes her mirror.

Don't Let Anything Break YOu..
You’re right. People do lie, and cheat, and stab you in the back. There will be people who use you, and don’t love you even though they say they do. But you can’t let that stop you from living. Because there are people out there who do love you, and would never hurt you. You have to find those people and keep them in your life forever. Some people will do you wrong in life. People will say things about you that you never think they will, people will lie on you, people will cheat you, and people will purposely hurt you to try and make themselves feel better. There will be people in your life that you thought would bewitch you until the end, but they will fall out of your life. There will be people in your life that say they love you, until it is convenient for them not to love you anymore. Be Strong! Don’t let anything break you .

Unknown

I was once sad and lonely,
Having nobody to comfort me,
So I wore a mask that always smiled;
To hide my feelings behind a lie.

Before long, I had many friends;
With my mask, I was one of them.
But deep inside, I still felt empty,
Like I was missing a part of me.

Nobody could hear my cries at night
For I designed my mask to hide the lies.
Nobody could see the pain I was feeling
For I designed my mask to be laughing.

Behind all the smiles were the tears
And behind all the comfort were the fears.
Everything you think you see,
Wasn't everything there was to me.

Day by day,
I was slowly dying.
I couldn't go on,
There was something missing..

Until now I'm still searching
For the thing that'll stop my crying.
For someone who'll erase my fears,
For the person who'll wipe my tears.

But till then I'll keep on smiling.
Hiding behind this mask I'm wearing.
Hoping one day I can smile,
Till then, I'll be here.. waiting.
http://www.familyfriendpoems.com/poem/my-mask-that-always-smiled#ixzz2QqX4H2ca
www.FamilyFriendPoems.com

GO PLACIDLY AMID THE NOISE AND THE HASTE, AND REMEMBER WHAT PEACE THERE MAY BE IN SILENCE.

As far as possible, without surrender, be on good terms with all persons. Speak your truth quietly and clearly; and listen to others, even to the dull and ignorant; they, too, have their story.Avoid loud and aggressive persons; they are vexations to the spirit If you compare yourself with others, you may become vain or bitter, for always there will be greater or lesser persons than yourself. Enjoy your achievements as well as your plans. Keep interested in you own career, however humble; it is a real possession in the changing fortunes of time.

Exercise caution in your business affairs, for the world is full of trickery. But let this not blind you for what virtue there is; many persons strive for high ideals and everywhere live is full of heroism. Be yourself. Especially do not feign affection. Neither be cynical about love; for in the face of all aridity and disenchantment, it is as perennial as the grass. Take kindly the council of the years, gracefully surrendering the things of youth. Nurture strength of spirit to shield you in sudden misfortune. But do not distress yourself with dark imaginings. Many fears are born of fatigue and loneliness.

Beyond a wholesome discipline, be gentle with yourself. You are a child of the universe no less than the trees and the stars; you have a right to be here. And whatever your labors and aspirations, in the noisy confusion of life, keep peace in your soul. With all its sham, drudgery and broken dreams, it is still a beautiful world. Be cheerful.

Strive to be happy.

Max Ehrmann, 1927

There was an old homeless woman. She built a small house next to the fence of a king’s palace .
One day, the king saw her small simple house during his morning tour
” whose home is this?” asked the king.
“it belongs to a poor woman” people replied , “she is in the forest now to bring food."
The king ordered his soldiers to destroy her home immediately , because the simple home distorted the view of the fence of palace .

later on , when the poor woman returned home, She was astonished as she saw her house was destroyed .

” who did this ?” she asked,
” the king did it” the people replied.
Then, the woman upped her face to the sky, speaking with God;
“ O my Lord, I was absent , so ,I couldn’t protect my home, but were had you been?
The palace of the king collapsed in a blink of an eye.

Sometimes, the mad people have far more sense than the logical people. This truth was shown rather clearly during one of competitions at the Seattle Olympics; there were nine mentally disabled contestants. All of them stood on the start line for racing hundred meters running. The race began by a shouting of pistol. The participants set out, but one of them could not jog, he stumbled and fell down then started crying on the track. The eight participants heard his crying and looked back at him. They stopped running and returned to him.
Mongolian girl sat beside him, and hugged him
“Do you feel better now ?” She asked.
“Yes dear” He answered .
Then they helped him stand up, and started running again.
They all arrived to the end line at the same time. There was no hero, but all the nine mentally disabled contestants were heroes. They did not strive for heroism. They only wanted to participate and help each other.
The mass of fans cheered and Clapped longer for those heroes .Those were mentally sick, but they had healthy hearts .Their hearts were clear and clean from envy, proud, and hatred.
How many of us can honestly say that we wish if we could do as they did?
I think that the most important thing in life is, how to help others to succeed and win, even if this means that we have to slow down our desire as far as possible and look back and change the direction of our race or even lose something to win another. Sometimes we have to follow our hearts rather than minds
It is a simple story, but we need to think over what they did, it may help us change ourselves and listen to inner calls of our hearts.

The time of school comes , the time of sadness comes . children go to their schools They race, fight playfully ,play practical jokes on one another, laugh with all their hearts. They are joyful .They remind me of you, dear. So I hurry to the market to bring you clothes ,pencils, colors , balls..as I did last year , but I forget to ask you , do you have schools , stars , windows ? …do you have fields to play because I know you were interested in playing … but today it is a pity to see your grave is narrow .

If you ask me what have we done when you left us ? we replace our home and choose another one . It is far from your school, as your mother can’t look at it when you left. We change our clothes to black color .

Do you remember your TV? you used to watch and cry at the end of sad cartoons , so we replace your things , your TV ,chair , table .we replace our joy to sorrow .

Everyday we offer our souls to the ghost of death to buy , and we have no wish but just join to you soon.

When my days end ,darkness falls
Stars lose their shines , become black balls
Then , the death would find me
When I drown in pangs of death
And everyone leaves me
I will be in a dark loneliness
My dear ,I recommend you
To light a candle next to me
To delight my world out there
Then ,purify me by your chaste hands
Coffin me by your old wedding dress
With a touching melody ,recite me holy verse
It might give me everlasting peace
And say farewell to me, with your smiles
With your pink lips give me a kiss
All your blessing gifts are my needs
They are like water for plant seeds
Which would keep me alive a new
And happiest one in midst dark blue .

seven years Earlier , I had a strong desire to learn English language. I went to the library to look for some books.
I found a book " learn English in 7 days". I was so excited for the title encouraged me , and I read it with enthusiasm waiting for 7 weeks without any advancing.

I set out to search for a new way ,I found advertisement of private institute " learn English for 7 weeks"; with our guarantee you will speak English in 7 weeks . beforehand at First pay ……………DOLARS"
I joined it with two dear friends of mine .hoped that we would be learnt English quit well in 7 weeks.

Unfortunately the professor was genius but not in English but in illicit gain of money from naives' packets .
One of my friends( Ali ezwain )asked him ; "sir are you sure you will enable us to speak English fluently in 7 weeks" .
" yes of course I will make you speak better than TONY BLEAR first of all, you must pay your fees" . the professor replied.
Another friend asked (Abu sejaad) him if he would be able to translate the MBC films . he replied ; " yes of course just pay and i will make you the best translator in Iraq.
I asked him if I would be able to read and understand English poetry and drama " of course ". He said " I will make you like Shakespeare . just pay".
three weeks later the forty student of our class became less than four they lost their money and left , as our professor was unqualified in English.
Ali ezwein , abu sajad and me studied up to 7 month . But it was useless.
We discovered , that our professor was just an artful man. He simply was no more an Arabic teacher.
When we demanded him to pay our money back because we could not speak correctly .he said I can't pay you because you are stupid lazy men and have no ability to learn. How you believe that you can learn English in 7 week .

till now I cannot understand the secret of number 7 .
Why swindlers always chose 7 days, 7 weeks or 7month to induce people.

Seven years passed and I still feel that I am just a simple learner , searches for a suitable way to learn English perfectly .

Audio recording >>

 Searching for an illusion is the most hurt disappointment in man's life. when the feeling occupies a mind of human being , and becomes as a part of his life , case like this takes many names ,it might be called madness , oddness , eccentricity or even sincerity .

 Mr. Jamal is a smart elegant gentleman . He spent three lovely year with his beautiful friend .One day she went to visit her relatives abroad ,promised her friend that she would come next month , but she has mysteriously vanished and has not come yet. one month later after her vanished, Mr. Jamal waited for her return patiently in the airport lounge .In every morning he dressed in his nice suit , carried a package of flowers[which his friend liked it ] , sit in a same seat with his cigarette, blew gets of smock from his mouth and nostril Whenever he heard a noise of plane , he rose up , glanced up at sky ,his eyes lighted up curiously waiting for the arrival of his wife eagerly ,then he sit back again in his seat , feeling terribly sad , Pay no attention for a mock of callous people . Every evening he comes back home with his faint flowers, looks for another day to do the same .
 

His flowers are faded by the time , but his heart still fresh in spite of many times of his waiting .Sometime I feel a twinge of envy at his patience , which is rare to find in other men .Seeing Mr. Jamal in every single day evoke the memories of missing our lovers .I have not known yet ,why I see much in common between Mr. Jamal and me. both of us are searching for an illusion.