I got a bad feeling since afternoon about my boyfriend. Maybe because he didn’t call me since morning. I waited until dusk to make sure he already at home when picked up my phone call.
“Hello!”
“Dear, where are you?”
“I am home, my doll. Just arrived.”
“Good! What’s happened?”
“Nothing.”
“No call from you all day and now your voice sounds weird, something must be happened.”
“How do you know? Hahaha!”
“I got a bad feeling.”
“Feeling, huh?”
“Quit joking! let me know please, I don’t think you are alright now.”
“I am good, don’t worry.”
I said no word, it’s no use to force him by this way. I gotta use another weapon, silent.
“Dear, are you there?”
I still made no sound.
“Well... I had a fight in the office.”
“WHAAAAT?!!”
“You hear that.”
Another silent to gather my thoughts.What kind of boyfriend do I have? I knew he was a short tempered and hot blooded person. Obviously he could act sweet to me.
“Have you eat?” I asked.
“No, I haven’t dear, I just arrived.”
“Alright, get yourself clean and grab something to eat. After that, call me and explain everything.”
“Okay honey.”
“Bye for now, love you.” Although I knew you have kicked somebody today.
“Love you too.”

I noticed many my.EC members are using their real name. They write it fully, half of it, nick name only and maybe using abbreviation of their name. That’s no fancy for me, but when it comes to such a philosophy's name, I wonder why did that person choose that name. I hope I am not alone here so I post this to know if some people here feel the same with me. Long time ago I’ve got an experience relate to this, here is it.

Don’t judge a book by its cover, I think i should apply this idiom more often, especially in the past.  Years back I was playing online game. There I joined a guild and met someone with very intriguing name ‘Sad’. I know in online world we could choose name as we like, but I never see such person choose a sentiment name like that. Especially in game world, we usually pick up exaggerating name for example ‘The Lord of Darkness’. This ‘sad’ is a female priest or healer, the strongest among us. All of guild members include me, love her because she was so powerful and easily defeated enemies. I asked about her to other members, all of them knew just a little because she was a taciturn. I was so taken aback when found out Sad is ‘male’. I heard he was a technician, but I wasn’t sure.

One day I got a chance to play with him and had a little conversation, He didn’t talk too much but i could feel his kind heart. He shared me his inventories and didn’t get annoyed by my bad English. At least I know Sad wasn’t ‘female’ sad at all. He just had different way to expressing himself.

After that I almost never asked my self  about one’s nickname until now I post this blog, why? Because it tickled my mind, lol xD

A Struggle of Switching Job

Last month my friend told me that he was no more enjoy working at his workplace and  wanted to switch job in another place to gain different knowledge and experiment. Put aside his work on the company he still working at, he was wandering around to apply his letters and attend few job interviews until he got accepted at a company which will pay him double. When he came back to his old workplace to collect his documents and salary, that company refused to do it all because they still have an agreement letter, signed by my friend who just spent six months there, about his three years contract. 

Long time ago, there was a village boy who living with his parent and brother. He need to attend his primary school at another village. One day he saw a girl he felt in love with, much younger than him, had round face and two fish tails haired. She was a villager like him, neither pretty nor ugly, he didn’t know what was attracted him but when he saw her eyes at the day they shake hands and exchanged their names, he knew he had found true love long time before their meeting.

They were just kids at that time, the boy didn’t know about love at first sight and the girl only knew the love between parent and child. Time passed by, the boy keep his deep love for her even though he didn’t know how to express his love for her.

Months turned into years, the boy became a man. There was a time when he forgot his childhood crush and had a great love of life, until one day they reunited. The man was madly in love with her again and this time he had a bravery to express it. Unfortunately she felt no love for him and this became a sad tale of unrequited love. He was head over heels in love and had no excuse to give up because he deeply believed she was the love of his life.

After a lot of struggles, through thick and thin, they was married and having children. He loved his wife dearly and always do. One of his great dream already came true, to be unconditionally loved by his childhood sweetheart, an abiding love. 

I am happy

Life is short

But I am happy

I am happy to work

I am happy in rest

I have no vehicle to travel

But I am happy

To walk by feet

If nobody with me

I am happy alone         

If someone angry on me

I am happy with that aggration

The past has been gone

I am happy with the memories in the past

Future will come

But I am happy to wait the future

My life is full of happiness

Life is short

I am happy

I will be happy

I will stay happy

Because I am happy with my attitude to be happy

Stay happy 

-This poem, or whatever you call it, was sent by my friend when I was down. Back then I thought it was silly, later I reread it again and it feels more silly now, lol xD, but I like it so I post it here, Hope you like it too- 

Stay Happy everyone!!!

I'm the eye of your storm
Your lion’s roar
On the battlefield
My Love will be your shield

My weird smirk was no more a strange thing to my little brother. With an amusing look, his eyes threw me unspoken question I didn’t need any word to answer. Just a demure smile and he took it as “I’ve got a new guy”.

“Another ailurophile?”

“Nah, but he has a dog”

No cause for alarm
I will come to arms
The world could fall
We'd still be standing tall

It never came to my mind I would be attracted to a comely person with a great ebullience on his work. I my self was talk active person, how come I could be sat defiantly while listening his never ending story. But I did, my heart was filled by felicity when I was with him.

And when you think all hope has gone..
My beating heart will drive you on

“Are you sure about him?”

This question brought me an epiphany, that the possibility of us to be together was almost zero.

“No, I am just playing around with him”

It was my own words that stabbed me right in the chest, a place where this feeling had been efflorescence. I should have known that ephemeral fetching flower was better not there from very start.

I will fight for you, give my live to you
When you can't see the sky
I will make you fly

He neither getting closer, nor pulling away himself from me after I declared that. He was acting normally as we were not in imbroglio at all. Poor me, got trapped in my own labyrinthine mind.

I'll be dreaming until I'm no longer breathing
Rising from the wreckage,
Fighting to Protect this Gem of Love

My bro complaint to me about his recent job, all I did just listen like usual.

“I hope your future husband will be able to help me in this kind of situation”

My brother’s evocative statement somehow opened my eyes. He had been supporting me. Erstwhile, I found a denouement. I knew there was no such a panacea, but at least our world didn’t end yet. We never knew what future hides.

You're all I've ever dreamed of,
So I'm Fighting to Protect this Love..

Hello everyone!!! What do you think about my blog? I was learning new vocabularies and trying to use it on my blog, the words I marked ‘bold’ are those. I want to know your opinion, whether I am using it right or not, and I would like to read your blog contains those beautiful words too. So, I put the list below in case you are willing to give it a try, if yes, this is will be soo much fun!

You must be wonder why I put another lines between my main blog. That’s actualy lyrics of a song I was listening while writing the blog, it helped me to relax and find new inspiration. There is no special reason why I put it there, I just wanted it to, so you can either read it or ignore it, hehehe...

Last but not least, Happy Blogging!!! 

It was raining that morning, I might have hugged my pillow all day because of its coldness. Then my phone rang, my little sister’s name appeared on the screen, in fact, it was mum. She might have been annoyed due to my ignorance, for the heaven’s sake that was 5 am! what kind of call at this hour? Two missed calls, mum might have known I wont picked it up so she sent me a message instead of another call.

“Your auntie has died few minutes ago”

I could have schoked, I might have cried, or at least felt a bit sad. Otherwise, I did none of these. I just dialed my mum’s number, regreted why didn’t pick up earlier calls and prepared to apologize, again I didn’t do as I have planed,  once her voice broke up my silence, she was talking and crying at same time, left me a little space just to say I would be at my auntie’s house soon.

My auntie was a half of my mother and my grandma, a perfect combination of those two, possesed their goodness and never shown me her bad side, she loved me like they did. The air might have been filled  with condolence as everyone let out their tears as its effect, a sign that she was loved by many people. Too bad that mournful gas didn’t affect me at all, I might have immuned been immune because the reason that could have be understood only by me. When I was child, I made a covenant with God to not cry over someone’s death, even for my beloved ones. God keeps His promise, for exchange, He might have put this emptiness on my heart, left me numb.

God have stopped the time only for me. I could have be seated in front of my desk, let the time passed by doing my routine works at office, but I was standing and watching how people taking care of her dead body and felt like trapped there forever. I could have opened my phone to surf on internet like I used to when I have nothing to do, but my mind was occupied by something else, I called it nothingness.

At last I was sitting beside her grave longer than anyone else. If people could read my mind, they might have found me thinking out loud, will I be loved as much as my auntie loved me after she departed?

Hatred is one of complicated things I have been dealing with until now. I don’t know what is it to be exact, just an ucomfortable feeling towards some people who despised me. When someone dissapointed me by their act, I started to stay away from that person. Lately I am questioning my self, is that a resentment or just an ignorance.

“Give her excuse” Said my bro after I told him I had quarell with my friend, simply started to ‘hate’.

“Excuse is only for they who I love” I replied.

“Well, you can’t feel love without hatred.”

Another time I got lectured by my teacher relate to this indifferent feeling, here what he said.

“Do you know a branch of psychology named ‘emotional intelligence’? It Is about to recognize emotions when they arise, and  manage it cleverly.”

“Emotions are energy, they can bring welfare or pain. So, it is very important to be able to manage them.”

“Indeed, there are two classes of emotions; positive, bring us welfare and negative, bring us discomfort, even pain. Clearly hatred is a negative emotion, while their contrary, love, is a positive one. The question is: how we can manage our negative emotions?”

“Obviously, I can't give you a sort of ‘magic formula’ for transform hatred  into love, but one thing I can say, all the negative emotions have their root in fear, fear to be damaged in some way, and are automatic, unconscious reactions, even we can say ‘body produced emotions’.”

“On the other hand, good emotions like love, happiness and joy, are ‘soul produced’ emotions, we can reinforce them taking care of our interior being, cultivating high thoughts and emotions, being aware of what we think and feel every moment.”

I was staring only at him with my mouth opened, not sure I got confused or astonished, until he slapped  my back and we laughed together.  

“Make a hole in your heart” Said my cousin when I gave him a visit.

“What is that meant?”

“your heart is just like a teapot. Feeling is the water you pour on it, you can’t bear it all.”

“A hole under your teapot would let all feelings through. No matter how much you pour on it, you would never feel content.”

“Where the water from my teapot go?” I asked.

“It flows, being the part of life stream.”

Thank you very much for reading. I didn’t leave any conclusion because that is yours  :)

Have a lovely day!!!

I was sick that day when we were standing face to face in a risky rainy day. Though my head was dizzy as hell and there was unstoppable ringing in my ears, I forced myself to smile. His expression was stiff for knowing my smile was fake. A farewell was a pain, yet nobody smile on this occasion, if there was any, it must be a bitter smile, sourer than the sourest lemon.

I started to shiver,almost all my body got wet as if my rain cloak had no use at all. Droplets of water covered my face,  those were hiding tears from my blured eyes. I wanted to finish this soon but at the same time didn't want to get separated from him. Our five meters distance would grow longer and longer after this. Again my brain accepted a lot of sick signals from entire my body.

“When will we start?” I tried to scream but my voice choked amid a heavy rainfall.

“Apparently someone is in hurry” that wasn’t all I could hear.

“Alright, this is our last opportunity. Think again! If you say no, I wont do this” He continued.

“No way back, we have gone too far!” I could sense my voice turned into a sobb.  

It was a lightning strike that sighted in the end of horizon. Took no longer, a thunderclap deafened me as I covered my ears by both of my palms. In other side, that guy didn't get affected at all.  

When my eyes met his, I knew we were through..

“Any last words?”

“We will meet again”

“We will meet again” He repeated.

Another lightning came, followed by thunderbolt, louder than first one. It made me close both my eyes and ears. When I opened them, I saw him no more. I knelt down, there was no more tears left on my eyes, it was over.

To become a magician is one of my dreams. I got astonished for the first time by a warlock's performance, he was a man dressed in white, wore hat and a single eye glass on right. He just stood there on the stage, talked about something nonsense, I didn’t even think it was a joke. One by one, some pigeons came to him, he put them on his body while he was talking, first on his shoulder, head, hands and so on until all his body covered by the countless doves. Then, in a finger snapping, all the birds flied together and the magician was no more to be seen anywhere on the stage.  

I couldn’t hide my amazement. That was very cool. I knew he used a trick but that was a way too impressive. If only I could find out his trick was, I must be able to perform. Later, I had been searching of the tricks. One day I found a simple trick to perform in front of my audiences, my dad and little bro, the most loyal men in this world.

In the dining room we gathered. I cleaned up stuffs and foods on dining table and left it only covered by tablecloth. They were sitting in front of me with bored smiling face I read it as “The hell will you doing here, you waste my time anyway.”

“Ladies and gentlemen, let me present to you a great magic trick you ever see” I opened the show.

“Go ahead whatever ya do’in, Conjurer!” said my bro not even hide his sarcasm resulted a burst of laught my dad seemed to hold it I didn’t know since when.  I threw him a stare ‘why you so mean, papa?!’ and he suddenly stopped, realized his mistake.

“Alright, let me start”I showed them a coin “I will make this disappear.”

I put it on the table and took a translucent glass, covered the coin by it.

“You still can see the coin, through the glass. So...” I took a sheet of an old newspaper and covered the outer glass by it. I pressed the paper so it looked like the glass’s form.  “Now you can’t see the coin.”

I took the covered glass off and on to make sure I wasn’t tricked them and the coin still there.

“Well, after this the coin will disappear” I moved my hand like a clairevoyant and chanted a spell, I could see my dad and bro payed more attention now.

“Abrakadava!” I took off the glass, boo! The coin still there and I got frustated.

“Eeeeh, how could this coin still there??! What’s wrong??” I murmured.

My audience’s reaction just a ‘meh’.

“Okay, I will repeate again, this time will work. Papa! Watch this!” I said angrily for seeing him averted his head into turned on tv.

I repeated the exact same trick, failed again. My bro yawned and I got more frustated. The third time I did the trick, instead took off the glass from coin, I smacked the covered glass, it startled my dad and bro that the glass was no more there, I just smacked the paper. For seeing them got surprised, I squeezed the paper with a lot of confidence and threw it to garbage near me.

My audiences clapped their hands, gave me an applause. I stood up to bow but I forgot there was a glass on my lap, it slide away from my lap and fell on the floor caused a noise of cracking. There was a silent before storm. My face turned red, my dad and my bro ran out of words when we all heard a scream of mum “WHO’S BREAKING GLASS??”

There were few books I read and like it. I expect the amount of them will increase as my read list this year has done created. Probably there will be another book I like the most in the future but at the moment, this is my favorite as I mentioned on my profile, Elif Shafak's The Forty Rules of Love.
Written by a female Turkish writer, you would find it on the cover 'a novel about Rumi' a famous poet Mawlana Jalaludin who lived in Konya, Turkey. In my opinion, the book is not only about Rumi but more into his companion 'Shams of Thabriz'. In other hand, the story time lines are divided by two with two different story. First is tell us about Ella and Aziz, people like us who live in modern age. Second is focused on Rumi and Shams, in the late 12th century. Not just end up in that, the writer is using point of view from almost all the characters, I found it rare and unique, to experience the story through different perspectives at same times.
Why do I like this book? Because this book has changed my life. It opened a lot of doors in my mind. Eyes opener for things I have blind of like true meaning of love. After finished that book, I feel like my self fall in love with the path of Sufi, officialy because of my favorite character, Shams, the wanderer Sufi.
I highly recommend this book for you who seek for love and appreciate diversity. But I warn you the story is not about happy lovey dovey. You will take the rules of love seriously.

Ps : Thanks to Ann for put this theme on her writing prompts ;)

A job seeker entered the room where he would be interviewed for a job he wanted. There were four persons sitting behind a long table, all with serious look and tricky smile. After a moment egulfed by the lack of air on that room, he stepped in and sat in the only empty chair, right in front of them.  

The woman in the middle smiled on gretted him. In exchange, he pulled up both of his lips corners, forced a smile on his rigid cheeks, it made his face looked weird somehow. The interviewers asked some questions, a question from an interviewer, for the answer, he just nodded, said ‘yes’ and ‘no’ until the turn of man with the most horrible face to ask him.

“You are driving your car in the middle of night by your car. When you are near a bus stop you see three people standing and waiting for a bus. First is an old woman, she is sick and seems could be lost her life anytime. Second is your friend you owe him your life once. And third is a woman you fall in love with, let say your a lifetime lover. Which one of them you will help?”

This question left a noticeable trace of surprised on the job seeker’s face. This was a tricky question indeed. If he choose to help the old lady, he would feel guilty toward his friend and at the same time lost his true love. If he help his friend, he would be accused as a person with no humanity and again, lost his dream love. Last choice, his love, he would be marked as the most selfish person ever.

In the middle of his confusion, something popped up in his mind, enough to made he smiled and started to talk.

“I would  like to give my car’s key to my friend so he could bring the old sick lady to hospital. And I would stand there with my love, waiting bus together.”

All the interviewers smiled to hear that and agreed that this man is worthy for this job.

Ps : I read this somewhere titled ‘Think Outside of Box’ and just re-telling it with my own style. Hope you all don’t find me plagiarize. Comments and corrections are welcomed, thank you :)

Ghost Paranoid

“You had ‘ghost paranoid’? You mean you was afraid of spirits of death people?” it was my professor who asked when we were talking in the library, waiting for our next class. I had approached him while sitting with his book, it was The Tao of Physics by Fritjof Capra that occupied him, what the!? My dumb sense was tingling, I must be on his level to understand such kind of book.  I asked him if we could discuss a bit about dificulties I had found on his subject. I forgot what it was that drove us into this subject of ghost.

I nodded even thought it was genie who i refered as ghost. Thanks a lot for horror movie makers, for make this basic asumtion that ghost deprived from spirit of death people.

“I heard voice of my dead friend in the middle of night when I was studying for tomorrow exam.” I explained. “I ran as hell into my grandmother’s room and slept with her until dawn. I can’t forget that”

My uncle said it wasn’t my friend’s spirit that called me that time, it was a lousy creature who liked to wander around outside our house. As I knew he could see unusual things, I believed him anyway. This point I kept to my self, our different belief would make this discussion longer than it should be.

“It traumatized me. But, now I am fine, I have overcome this”

“How did you solve that, Dear?”

“My friend helped me. He said that I gave those creatures power they don’t have, my fear.”

“Your friend were right, I couldn’t be more agree. It was your fear that gave them power to intimidate you.no fear, no power.”

“Do you have any idea relate to this phenomena, Sir?” asked I. He got silence for a while as he gathered his thought.

“Our familiar space-time lose their meaning for a soul when is free from the material body.Of course, we are so used to think in terms of space and time that is normal to ask in such way. But things must be very different on the ‘other side’. I'm not able to give you full answer to your question, I think nobody can; all I can do is use my own experiences and little knowledge, even colored with a bit of intuition, for give some indications about what can be this unknown state.”

Alright, it was him who gave me impression all relate related to physics.

Chapter two : Control

I got lucid dreams too often, sometimes mixed with paralyses sleep as well. It was like I work out instead of sleep, sweated badly when woke up because trying to escape from my dream. I was searching the way out, possible way to not get bothered of my below utopia. Then I found it on internet, how to know whether you are in real world or dream.

First, count your fingers. If you are dreaming, the amount of finger in our hand wont be ten. Could be less, could be more. Second, look at watch, that thing never show the proper time in dream. Third, if there was a lamp near you, try to switch it off or on, if it wont work if you were dreaming.  I had tried it all. I saw my hands and those have 14 fingers, seven in each hand. I watched the clock and the needles round backward. the same with lamp, it never turned on no matter how hard I tried. Once I found out I was in full awareness of my dream, I slapped my face just to make sure I was in dream world and nothing could hurt me. Theeen, there I go! Ready to wander around my dream.

Probably I went to many places in my dream rather than in my reality. Met people and interacted with them, just a few I knew them, the rest were total strangers. Sometimes it crossed my mind to control people there since the dream were belong to me but I realized it wasn’t possible, people there seemed to have their own inteligence. One for sure, I could control the places. I need total awareness to do that. Once I changed my backyard into mount of Fuji, another time I opened my front door just to see Doha city before my eyes. But, later it became absurd dream.

I still clearly remembered a dream where I sat and changed place around me in instant. First I positioned my self in a train station, then images around me broken like pieces puzzle, scattered in a black and white realm. I didn't know how I did it but those puzzle pieces united again, formed an image of beach, took no longer it turned again, this time at a middle of bookstore I familiar with. This state keep going on until I lost my sense. I ended up in a garden of orange, I could see nothing but leaves, trees, orange, orange and orange. I cried as I gave up, have no idea to get back. Slowly I woke up, my eyes swollen and my head dizzy as heck. Well, no more playing with dream. 

Chapter one : Morning Sleep 

When people are busy chasing their dreams, I am busy escaping mine. Take it literally, please. It is a common thing to have a dream while sleeping, the uncommon one is getting trapped in it.

It was a morning in Ramadhan, I decided to get back sleep after pray fajr. I turned off all the lamp except the dim one near the door, the light was dark yellow, a bit like orange, but darker. Officially, my room had no door, just a rectangle hole with a curtain over it.

I was totally stuffed with the food I had eaten when sahoor, that’s why easily fall asleep. I knew for sure I was sleeping but awoke. That was a strange feeling, everybody might have it. I once heard that we need to pass four stages before we  close our eyes until enter the  total sleep, called normal sleep, while sleep paralyses jump from first stage into forth stage slightly without even passing the second and third level. The effect was awaken mind in a drop body, feel alive but can’t control our rigid body. This condition occurred to the tired people. In my case, I was stuffed not tired, is that possible that I got tired because my body was busy in digesting my foods, anyway I admitted that sleeping after eating is not good at all.

In my awareness, I was laying and my eyes into the curtain, that blue silk turned brown by the little light. Suddenly I feel wind inside my room, fast and cold, then it went faster that I thought there was a storm, the lamp which is hanging on the wall shaking and so did the curtain, it made a wave. Then I got shocked, not because of the movement but the shadow on it. It formed a tall body belong to a man. I could think it was someone standing back on my curtain, but it came closer and closer slowly. For seeing that, I tried to scream but my mouth feels like tapped by silo tape. A shadow walked toward me and I could see it laying upside me, burdened me with extraordinary weight. There was nothing I could do, I was no more master of my body or else, was no more in my body. I recognize the ache on my tummy due to too much food I ate. But there was not any sense of sickness in others part of my body. This burden I felt is not upon my body but my inside, my soul, my spirit, I didn’t know.  

The shadow was gone but not the burden, it pushed me down. I barely collected my consciousness, couldn’t breathe, couldn’t speak, I almost gave up and I did. I didn’t know where it came from but I suddenly stopped to move as I heard someone said on my ears “why not give it a try” a shrieking girl voice belong to me but spoke by other person. Then I lost my grip, I have no idea what grip I hold on to but I let it go, then I felt like drowning rather than fall as there was a steam underneath my bed. I had imagined a better place, but dark and suffocating place I didn’t even know whether I was standing or laying.

Well, I might in outer space, no gravity, no air. I made a sudden move and it brought me back to reality, my right foot kicked air and made a sound while it landed into bed. I sensed the sound woke my mum up as I heard her asking “what happen?” so loud. My eyes opened this time for real. I was breathing fast, sweated badly and my mouth dry as desert. Thank God, I got back to this world. 

What is Mother? When this question crossed my mind, I imeediatelly think about my mom, the most beautiful women in this world in my version. There is no word could exactly explain but i would like to write a little in my mind about her. Those three are what coming first after I gathered my thoughts.

A woman who I can’t think about her more than a minute

• It would bring out tears from my eyes. I don’t mind to be called ‘crybaby’ but once it out, I cannot stop it. Mom bears all the pain of herself, dad, me and my siblings. Yet her love for us is endless. It’s my choice to forget but there is no option to do it. Sometimes the thing we want to forget the most is the thing we can get rid of. Is not my mom I want to get rid but her pain, and hell yeah, it simply there, taking a lot of my effort to turn it into a smile of happiness.

Someone I can’t hug her more than five seconds

• Mom’s arms are the most comfortable place in this world. I would end up crying or sleeping on her embrace. The longer I hug her, the harder to release it. I had lost someone and it killed me once, but I am dead every time I think about losing my mom.

A person I never dare to read her mind

• I do enjoy it to read people’s mind. Guessing what are they thinking about, but my mom, I prefer avoid it. No doubt her mind is contained by scariest thing ever ‘a lot of loves to me’. To all of you who always complained about how much hatred you got from people, try this! To handle so much love from your dearest person. The problem is not the love but how do I repay it? It is a piece of cake to me to guess what she wants but my heart broken for knowing I can’t make it come true for her, yet.

Mom, those words I wrote above are too cheap for you. You deserve more than both two worlds can offer. Your existence makes the entire universe smile on me, you are my heaven.  

The change of year Gregorian calendar or usually we call it as ‘new year’ identic with something called ‘resolution’. As I know days are same, they consist of 24 hours daylight and night, I wonder what kind of ’RE-solution’ people are talking about? Are they have problem that haven’t resolute yet a year before? Sometimes it crossed my mind as wishing, to get what they didn’t get it yet, if they did, it’s time to set another new goal then.

This year which will end up soon is a very special year, yet a lot of meaning and many losses, but it wasn’t because of that, the reason was I can’t see anything in 2016, rather than darkness, I call it ‘void’, the fifth element. 

I get used to see throughout. I calculated things and predicted the result that I would use it in term of decision making. I supposed to have alternative solutions and back up plans. I didn’t pay too much attention to dates, every problem takes different times to be solved. Maybe this just the matter of time, that I will really start something new right in the beginning of next year, and it’s completely unseen. I do have goals I want to reach, but I got more questions in my head rather than the goals it selves. What will happen? What is waiting for me there? What kind of things I need to face it? Will I find what I’ve been looking for? To my surprise, I lose all of my foresight, I cannot calculate things. All I can do just wonder and wait, feel like sitting on my own hands. This made me feel exciting somehow and a bit of afraid.

Anyway, I wish the best of everything for everyone, anywhere and anytime.