This is my another attempt in response to Eva's Writing Challenge.  

The Unfaithful Husband.

He was gone.  I sent him away from me. It has been two years since I saw him last.  I never forgot the tears in his eyes when they were taking him away.  His eyes were pleading for forgiveness.  But I wanted him to go away, that was my decision. Now he is coming back after two years and I am waiting for him.

He was not unfaithful.  I always found him a very loving and caring person.  He always cared for me, always showed his concern for my comfort.  And that was the reason I was upset.  I was very much upset because I had a very shocking experience in my life which I should have confided with him prior to getting married to him, which I did not.  I got so overwhelmed when he proposed me I got excited and found him like a life-saving straw in the stormy ocean. 

I had a very bad torturous experience in my life which shattered my soul, my personality, and I had to consult a physiatrist to get myself composed. 

My life was normal.  I never had a problem till that day, which broke me inside.  It was very pleasant night, I was coming from a party thrown by one of my best friends, who lived close to my house so I decided to walk back.  I was in the backyard of my house and wanted to enter from the back door.  Then all of a sudden, I was attacked by somebody. I was not able to shout because the attacker covered my head with a bag.   I was chocking, trying to breathe, but there was nothing I could do.  He slapped me once or twice.  I was stunned and fell unconscious. 

When I came into my senses I found myself lying on the ground in the backyard. The hood from my face was removed.  I picked my jeans and hardly went inside.  I was lying on my bed for one or two hours.  I was feeling that I had got uncleaned.  I called the police and told them about the assault.

The police tried hard to find the attacker, but there was not a single clue which could help them to find him.  Then the case went into cold storage, putting me, into cold too.  I got a nervous breakdown, my doctor referred me to a therapist/psychiatrist. My life since then could not come to the previous normalcy. 

Then I found Parker.  He was living next to my neighbor.  We began to date, actually, he encouraged me to go out with him.  He tried much to get me out from my seclusion.  I found comfort in his company. I found him so much caring and loving that I could not refuse when he asked my hand in marriage. 

The burden of my past and the incident happened to me even increased when I kept it hiding from Parker, he happened to be so loving, honest and caring and I was not telling him about it made me hysteric.

One-day Parker asked me about what is bothering me, eating me from inside, then I opened my heart to him and told everything, what had happened to me in the past, how I was assaulted and raped, how I had been feeling uncleaned since then.  Hearing this Parker got silent and didn’t speak a single word.  His silence made me even worse.  I got frightened that he would leave me.  Parker was always trying to make me feel comfortable as much as possible, but his showing no reaction to what I have told him about my incident made me nervous.

One day I asked him, why didn’t he say anything when I told him about what had happened with me.  He sighed and said, “Alright, here is what I want to say, but it is just to make you feel better, relieved from the emotional burden, though I do not like, even do not want to tell, but your suffering left me no choice.” 

He sighed once again, I was seeing him with hope to hear a loving thing that how much he loved me even after I have gone through that bad filthy experience.

“Honey listen to me carefully, and please do not consider me wrong.” He showed again a hesitation.

“Tell me please, I want to hear!” I took his hand in mine to ease his tension.

“Honey, it was I who assaulted you on that night.”

“What! I was astoundingly shocked.

 “I don’t believe, why did you do that to me, what wrong had I done, I even did not know you.”  I get myself away from him as if he was something filthy, and would make me even filthier.

“I was drunk, darling! and lost my senses, I saw you coming, passing by my house, and I lost control, there was nothing in my mind except to have you.  But later on, when I found you broken and gone sick, hysteric I felt guilty.  I made myself acquainted with you, tried to do everything to make you feel better, then I felt that I have fallen in love with you and decided to make you my wife.  I really love you and just wanted to make you feel easy, free of that tension.”

While he was saying all this, I was trembling with grief.  He was not aware that I get myself away from him, he was not seeing me but down to his feet.  While he was talking I was calling the police who took no time to come.  He stopped talking while heard the knock at the door, toward which I rushed and opened.

“Arrest this man, he is the criminal whom the police had been looking for, for assaulting and raping me.  You will find the detail in your cold storage cases.”

He could not speak a single word while the police were taking him away.  He was just looking at me with shock and surprise.

The DNA record which the police took from their initial record they collected at the time of the incident matched with Parker.

While the case was on trial the judge asked me why I wanted him to be punished when he married me and loved me tried to be honest with me all the time he was with me after marriage.

I told the judge when he assaulted me he was not my husband, and when he comforted me and proposed me he was not honest by not telling me that actually, he was the culprit. He made me unclean, and unclean his soul, too.  So, I want him to be punished for the crime to making me unclean. He must suffer the punishment also to clean himself.

When I was drowned in my thoughts, I heard the knock on my door.  I knew who it was.  I went to the door and opened it.  He was standing there with tears in his eyes. 

“Am I still unclean?”

The tears were rolling down from his pleading eyes. I stretched my hands to let him once again enter into my life.

The Melancholic Poet

This topic given by Eva in her writing challenge reminded me a very famous Urdu poet Meer Taqi Meer from 18^th century. He had been attributed as Shair-e-Gham, (The Melancholic Poet) of his time, which is till his even after centuries.

Mirza Ghalib, another renowned poet of that time once said this about Meer Taqi Meer,

“Reekhta kay tumhi ustaad nahi ho Ghalib, Kehte hain agle zamane me koi Mir bhi tha. “(You are not the only master of Urdu Poetry, Ghalib. They say there used to be a Mir in the past).”

Born in Agra on September 20, 1723, Meer is as important a milestone in Urdu poetry as Ghalib is, and the two have given us couplets and ghazals that will always feature on top of any poetry lover’s list of unforgettable works. From cutting-edge socio-political commentaries to human relations, most works of this poet from the 18th century continue to be relevant even today.

Meer wrote four centuries ago and has left behind a vast repository of poems and couplets. Following is a list of some couplets from the vast treasury of his poems and ghazals that are still relevant today, more than three centuries after they were written:

Let’s take a look

1. Ibtidaa-e-ishq hai rotaa hai kyaa, Aage aage dekhiye hotaa hai kyaa

(It’s the beginning of Love, why do you wail; Just wait and watch how things unveil)

This is perhaps the most-used couplet by Meer in today’s time. Whenever we face a demanding situation, we quote Meer, often without even knowing!

 2. Patta patta, boota boota, haal hamaaraa jaane hai, Jaane na jaane gul hi na jaane, baagh to saaraa jaane hai.

(Every leaf and bud knows my situation; the flower (beloved) doesn’t know but the whole garden (all the people) knows it)

This couplet is unarguably the favorite for all those who’ve fallen in love in their life.

3. Baad marne ke meri qabr pe aaya wo ‘Mir’, Yaad aai mere Isa ko dawa mere baad’’

(O Mir, he came to my grave after I’d died; My messiah thought of a medicine after I’d died)

When someone comes to your rescue a little too late, you can always put on the literary hat and rattle out these lines.

4. Subah hoti hai shaam hoti hai, umra yoonhi tamaam hoti hai

(Days turns into nights and nights turns into days, so as the entire life passes.)

5. Bekhudi le gai kahaan humko, Der se intezaar hai apna

(Where has selflessness taken me, I’ve been waiting for myself for long)

Apt for both negative and positive situations, this can be quoted anytime you feel lost and want people to know.

6. Laga na dil ko kya suna nahi tune, jo kuch Meer ka aashiqui ne haal kiya

(Didn’t you hear what has done ‘falling in love’ (Aashiqui)  to Meer?)

It is a warning for others especially young ones, what happens when fall in love)

7.Yaron mujhe maaf karo main nashe mein hun, Ab do tu jaam khali hi do main nashe mein hun

(Friends forgive me I am drunk. Now if give me the glass give it empty coz, I am drunk)

8. Kya kahun tum se main ke kya hai ishq, Jaan ka rog hai bala hai ishq

(What I can say to you what is ishq (love), it is a sickness of heart, and problem to the life).

9) Ashk aankh mein kab nahi aata, Lahu aata hai jab nahi aata

(From my eye, when doesn’t a tear fall, Blood falls when it doesn’t fall)

10) Latai he naam unka sotay say jaag uthay, hai khair meer sahib kiya khawab koi daikha 

(Is everything okay meer sahib? You woke up abruptly, when someone say the name of your beloved, did you see any dream?

There are thousands of others couplets for which this place is not enough. Please be noted I have taken help from books/internet to write this blog.

The following blog is 'on the motivation' I got by reading Roman's Discussion Blog on "Life Changing Experience":

I was a hermit (still am somewhat), tried to write my feeling down (initially in my native Urdu) never wrote in English, neither tried, then someone introduced to me a site 'Livemocha'. I joined it then the universe opened to me, I experienced there 'love, friendship, hate, hostility."  I learned there how we attracted to others and how being attracted by others. (means get "impressed and be impressed" further means how to win love)  There very first time I wrote my very first blog SHE.  I got the platform where I was able to express myself frankly without feeling any hesitation.  There I experienced how people like your writing and how they criticize you in both ways.  There I got the flow, the stream and encouragement to writing, and reading, and commenting, and helping, and above all LEARNING. Then, later on, this site got "commercial" (purchased by some businesswoman)  who closed all previous formats, thanks the previous owner warned the members to get their work saved somewhere in their personal folders, to which I comply immediately and copied all my work on my PC.  It was a change for me, the second time, first when I found the forum, second when it left me alone.  Then I was introduced to MyEC.  I got a surprising change in my life once again and jointed it in December 2013.  Since then I am here enjoying once again the love of people, the hostility of the friends, and experienced once again how far I can go to express what I feel.  I have again found here who only love EVEN IN THEIR HOSTILITIES.  Let's hope for the good for what piece of life left for me.  MyEC is again a change in my life.  Here I learn how to be careful in LOVE, HATE, HOSTILITIES. I want you all to just understand KEEP LEARNING, AND NEVER THINK LEARNING IS OVER BECAUSE YOU ARE GETTING OLDER WITH EVERY BREATHE YOU ARE EXHALING.

HURT INNOCENTLY

After my matriculation, I started teaching as a private tutor. One of my early students was an Iranian girl. She was very beautiful. It was my teenage; naturally, I was impressed by
her beauty. Being needy of money to earn, I controlled my emotions. I taught her for two years. By the end of this period, I almost forgot or rather was successful to suppress my feelings because I could not see the similar signs in her.

Six months later I received her call. She wanted to see me. I shocked to see the faded beauty. I asked what happened to her "Are you in love?" Her smile was like as a wound was opened and tears rolled down her white bloodless cheeks.

 "Hey, I was just joking!" "But you are right," Her voice was just as of a dejected person.

"What! You didn't see me, I had been with you for two years, you didn't feel for me like this, and now you fell in love with some other guy!"

"Shit, how could I love you? You are not attractive and charming as he is" She retorted innocently and expressed her teenage feelings. It was said so innocently but I felt something heavy fell in my stomach, and if there were ears the smash inside me was definitely heard. I was feeling like a person who has lost his last in the gambling.

I pacified her of her grief and left. I decided not to see her again.

Three years later, I was going somewhere, when I heard someone calling, "Hey! Hey!! HERO"

I turned abruptly to see the caller who was coming nearer and nearer. It was her again fully grown, blushed, panting, "Hi Iqbal! How are you? You are looking so charming and handsome!”

 I again felt something fell inside me, and if there were ears the CRY inside me was definitely heard. I again felt myself the looser.

Why! This time her eyes were shining with love pouring upon me. But I didn't feel that way instead I felt again that I am nothing. There was no “I” anywhere around. Not when she innocently said that I was not handsome and charming and after three years when we met again on the road and she showed her love, again I was not therearound.

It was not “I”, it was the "CHARMING and HANDSOME" I as "ME" was nowhere, before nor later. I again decided not to see her again.

The same has again happened to me recently in past two years.  I was knocked and awaken from my slumber, convinced that I had been the love being sought.  It happened to me for almost two years, in spite of my struggle to stay back, I was innocently held closed being the BELOVED one, then one day, I was told that I was not the one BEING LOOKED FOR, and left again SHOCKED, believing that I was RIGHT in the past because again THERE WAS NOT “I”, but SOMEONE ELSE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

The above story based on real facts somewhat fictionalized by me for the sake of a good literature.

1.   Nonchalant = carefree
2.   Whimsical = randomness = playful = carefree.
3.   Rapacious = very greedy = inordinately greedy
4.   Coax = flattery – persuade someone by flattery
5.   Placid = pleasantly calm or peaceful = serenity = tranquil –          placid mind
6.   Soporific = causing or tending to sleep (bored) = soporific            romance.

I was so nonchalant, took her love so whimsically, and didn’t realize she would turn to be so rapacious and possessive in love that she would not allow me to see or praise any other girl, and put me in public trial to make me realize that I was wrong.  She was so disheartened that even my coaxing could not put her in placid mind.  I found it a very soporific romance made me dejected.

She was a beggar.  Her entire family was beggars. May her forefathers be also beggars.  She did not know any in her families who were not beggars, never did ever wished to ask.  She knew that she and all the others from her family big or small had to beg alms for their living.  She never minded it.  Woke up in the early morning and went outside to beg, because she was a beggar. But at the same time, she was extremely beautiful.

One day the powerful king of the country happened to see this extremely beautiful beggar and asked, “Why she is begging for the alms, she is such a beautiful girl?”

“Because, your majesty, she is a beggar!” Replied the Wazeer. 

“No, she does not deserve to be a beggar.  She deserves to be one of my wives. Bring her to my herum.”

The king ordered his men and then he made that beautiful beggar his wife and offered her all the wealth and luxuries a girl can dream.

The mighty king thought that now the girl would have become happy having all the richness of life.

Time passed, the king was satisfied doing a good work bring a girl out of beggars’ world.  But he felt a very strange thing that after dinner the girl kept herself locked in her room alone for a while.   No attendant was allowed to enter her room during this time.  The king got curious and suspicious and decided to know why she kept herself locked after every dinner. 

One night he sneaked out to see what she was doing in the room.  He peeped through an ajar window and saw a very strange thing. 

He saw that some food was placed in different places in the big room and his wife (the beautiful beggar) moved to a place and begged, “Please give me something to eat!” Then she picked up the food and eat.  Then she went to the other spot and did the same.  She repeated this again and again till the food from all the spots got finished.  Then she went to bed to sleep.  She was looking very satisfied.  The king got surprised to see this strange act of her.  He entered the room.  His wife got off the bed in shock.

“What, and why have you been doing all this, tell me.”  He ordered her to tell.  She got her caught red-handed explained, “Your majesty it is an honor for me you have made me rich and provided all the luxuries of life to me, but my hunger for food does not satisfy until I beg for food.  So, I have been stealing some food every day and bring into my room to beg it from place to place.”  “BUT WHY?” The king shouted in anger.  “Because I have been a beggar, I am a beggar!”  The beautiful beggar replied very politely.

“SO, BE A BEGGAR ALWAYS, AND GET OUT OF HERE.  YOU DO NOT DESERVE TO BE MY WIFE.  DO NOT DESERVE TO ALL THIS RICHNESS!”

The beautiful beggar happily got out of the palace and went to her world of beggars.

Once a lady member of EC gave the plot of this story to me.  She told me that this based on the actual events.  She asked me to write a story based on this plot.  She is not active anymore here.  I am posting this blog once again for the interest of the readers. (names in the story are fictitious).

FIRE OF DISHONESTY

He now feels left in the desert, standing there in the heat with the choked throat.  He wanted to cry…………cry loudly and tell her that he truly loves her, but the slap he felt on his face would not have been so hard, but the hatred in her eyes burned him alive.

It happened that two of his female colleagues got close to him. First, he felt that they both just liked him as a friend, but with the passage of time, he realized that it’s not just friendship, it is beyond that.  He was so happy that he has two girls at the same time loving him.  He knew, neither of the two aware of this situation.  So he started dating them separately.  In the beginning, he didn’t have any such feelings towards them.  He just wanted to enjoy their company without having any slight idea that he is deceiving them and playing with their emotions unjustly. 

Not long time passed that he felt that he is in love with one of them (Liza), whereas the other one (Uzma) couldn’t touch his heart.  The problem was that he very cleverly convinced both of them separately that he was in love with them head to toe, and could not live with her.  It had become true in case of Liza.  On the other hand, Uzma wanted to go ahead of mere dating.  She wanted him to marry her.  She was so convinced and believed in his love that one day she confided this secret with Liza, hearing which Liza shocked very much and told her that the guy was going to marry her, how come he said to you.  Then they both realized how mischievously he had been playing with their emotions.  They made a plan to catch him red-handed. 

On the other hand, he decided to tell everything to Liza about what had been going on, and he now realized that he loved Liza and not Uzma.  He also decided to propose Liza to marry him. 

It was all set and he called Liza for a date, and when he started to say that how much he loved Liza, Uzma also reached on the spot.  He was seeing them with open mouth and terrified eyes.  Liza and Uzma were standing before him, threw at him a look full of hatred, didn’t say a world and left hand in hand.

He now feels left in the desert, standing there in the heat with the choked throat.  He wanted to cry…………cry loudly and tell her that he truly loves her, but the slap he felt on his face would not have been so hard, but the hatred in her eyes burned him alive.

So another year has gone. I became one more year older, but my heart still beats even having undergone an opened heart surgery for ASD (atrial septal defect - mending of a hole in the heart) years ago.  I still feel the pounding of blood in my veins. Even after so many years of struggles, prays, ponderings I still could not kill the devil within me. Still, sins and wrong deeds occurred. I still could not keep the ablution of my eyes intact. Though I turn my eyes away, but could not close the inner eyes. 

I keep seeing what I should not in spite of turning my eyes away. I keep hearing what should not be in spite I close my ears.  I still hear the voices.

After all these years struggle (“riazat” in Arabic-Farsi-Urdu) I am still standing below the first step of shrine wanting to purify my soul. But now when I am at the threshold at the beginning of the ending I still feel the same heaviness within me.  My tears have not lightened me. I still do not have anything to present to HIM, BUT I am still thankful that I still have the sense and ability what deed of mine is good and what are bad. I still am able to differentiate between good and evil, though always attracted towards evil and malign my soul, later PERSPIRATION OF SHAME and nothingness and the tears which always are the ablution of eyes and heart, I have the firm HOPE that I will be forgiven. I always talk with HIM, tell HIM my feelings, my pains, show HIM shattering of my soul, beg Him to mend it, beg HIM to engulf me with HIS MERCIFULNESS, HIS BLESSINGS. I am HOPEFULL that at last, I will be in PEACE. 

SILVER HEART

How strange the human psychology is! When we love, we yearn to possess whom we love, but when we find it beyond our power to get her/him for our own, then our imagination gets activated and creates a world of our own desires, where we do what we wish to do. When we wish to see our lover, she is there before our eyes, we make her laugh, and we make her cry. Our own longing makes her long for us as if she is not united with us, she will die. So as happens with me.  I am the dweller of my imagination.  I always dwell in my own world of imagination and there I am the master, I am king, I am the only power to create what I want to see.                                                                                                                           

Once again, the time referred to the same adjusted time in the evening. As usual, I once again found myself in the misty meadow.  My eyes were trying to X-ray the fog as I was yearning to see someone, to find someone. All at once the entire surrounding was amazingly filled with the wind of joy and happiness. There she was appearing far away in the meadow, which was wrapped in the twilight, letting the dim light of the moon to shine her body.    She seemed to be rushing towards me in slow motion. The air seemed tickling her body pores, and in a very naughty way, this wind of joy and excitement playing with her gauzy soft silky dress which,  she used to wear when she comes to see me, and the same naughty wind freed her hairs from all their bands, letting them bounce with every jerk of her neck.         

I found her falling in my demanding arms letting her hairs enjoy the company of my shoulder and her ear to be tickled by the breath of my whisper, “How are you?”, “Where have you been, it seems has been many years since I see you last!”

“How come you say that we have met recently, ha ha ha,” She laughed showing her twinkling white pearly teeth. “But you did not remember me, if you did so you will never find me apart from you.” “If you remember me with true love and demand, you find me right here in your arms, like now.” The ripple of her voice and the fragrance of her breath made me feel drowning into the sea of flowers.     

“The fear of your going away does not let me remember anything!  I can never enjoy your company, because of this fear that you will soon leave, leaving me behind just letting me stare in the air. “, “it seems that I am your toy, you come to play with me and when contended, just leave, putting me away.”                                  

The burn of my tear made her tremble, “DON’T SAY THAT IT IS NOT TRUE.” “I truly love you, and always fear that someone would not snatch you from me. “ “I do not want to go away from you, I always come to you with the intention that I will not leave, BUT THERE IS SOME POWER THAT DRAGS ME AWAY FROM YOU, SOME UNSEEN POWER.” “I sometimes feel that this is a restricted area, and I am not allowed to come here. “You tell me if this is prohibited for me, why YOUR LOVE IS PUT INSIDE ME SO DEEP THAT I FIND MYSELF UNABLE TO SCRATCH IT OUT. WHEN I AM AWAY FROM YOU, YOUR LOVE ATTRACTS ME TOWARDS YOU, WHEN I COME HERE SOME UNSEEN POWER DRAG ME AWAY FROM YOU, WHY THIS IS HAPPENING WITH ME.                                                                                              

I felt her body trembling in my arms because of sobbing, her beautiful bright eye, even more, brightens with the twinkling of the tears which were rolling down on her glowing cheeks.                                                                                                                                          

“I told you, this is a magic world, and you have to just see before you, paying no attention to the voices, and if and when you look back, you will turn into stone. This is that condition, through which you are going”. I tried to pacify her from her grief, shuddering myself from inside that she will soon part, and then the time came, she was trying to release herself from my arm, “I gotta go now, the night is getting over.”  I look into her eyes again filled with tears.”                                  

I was losing my grip around her, as I was not holding a body, but a body of smoke, ‘I will remember not to turn back…………….bye till we meet again”.

“Don’t go, please! May be you will not find me here next time you come, there will be only the gleaming of my crystal heart or the echo of my sobbing.”  I was saying while she was disappearing from my sight once again.

“We will have to wait till the day when we unite……………….”

This was the last I hear………… and fell unconscious.   

What can and can’t they do?

 Every child who comes into this world is born in the religion of Nature irrelevant of the religion of his/her parent. But “Can” & “Can’t” “Do” & don’t” chase him from the cradle to the grave. In his infancy, he tries to understand the movement of his mother’s finger moving right and left showing “don’t” or “can’t”. For a child is inquisitive of any particular action of which he himself does not know about, but “don’t’” is there before him. When the child gets older and starts to understand, he hears the words “don’t do that” or “No you can not do this, you are too little”. Up to the age of eighteen, these 'don’t' and 'can’t 'are the recitation of his parent’s, some lesson of which they themselves do not know or it becomes the song of his teenage years. After eighteen years now the great problem starts. Heavenly instructions start to bombard. “No, it is not allowed in the religion.” “Why can’t I mom! I love her!’ “No you can’t she belongs to another religion, and we are from this one.” “In this case I’ll adopt her religion” “NO YOU DON’T, YOU CAN’T” “Mother yes I can, what’s the big deal in it, this religion or that religion,” “I HAVE SAID ONCE AND FOR ALL YOU CAN NOT DO THIS - IF YOU DO YOU WILL BE OUT OF THIS HOUSE”. Then the boy gets married, and sometime later he with his WIFE starts the same lesson with their own children. So this “Can” & “Can’t” “Do” & don’t” is such a lesson which every child who opens his eyes into this world not only has to face but himself or herself will have to recite for their own children. Life is "DOES AND DON’T" AND "CAN AND CAN’T", and nothing else.

That was a deserted place, very big and horrifying. At a far distance, there was a narrow path covered in fog.  The sky was overcast with stars and there was also the moon, even then there was darkness all around, the stars and the moon were dim.  I was walking on the narrow path the yonder end of which seems to go nowhere.  There appeared another narrow path from nowhere..........she was standing far away........may be at the distance of eternity.  All at once the distance between me and her vanished, and I found her bending on my shoulder and I was holding her in my arm around her back. We were walking quietly, our lips were not moving, but still, there was communication, the darkness was gone, there was light evolving from everything, the stars and the moon began to shine, and so brighten the sky and earth. We kept walking quietly on that path. The path then suddenly divided, she got herself away from me and moved to that path which just appeared from the thin air.  She looked at me. Her eyes turned strange as if we were not acquainted anymore.  I found her going out of my grip.   I was feeling as if she was going away forever. The darkness once again spread all around, and the stars and the moon put out. I kept looking her disappearing in the darkness helplessly and in utter dejections.  I again found myself standing in the same deserted horrifying place. 

Then all scenario of the dream changed and I found myself in a place covered with clouds, clouds of all colors and shapes.  I saw a marble palace on the horizon. Its boundary walls were spreading far away and the beautiful conical minarets were touching the sky. It was looking very beautiful, shining white amongst the colorful clouds.  A path was going spirally, sometimes touching the clouds or at another place passing in between them up to the big gate of the palace. At some place, it was hidden in the fog.  There in a window, someone was standing, perhaps the same lady I dreamed earlier. It seemed as if she was waiting for someone, someone she loves.  I was stepping up on the spiral path staring at her.  I felt that I had been walking on that path since the beginning of time, but the distance was the same between me and her.  The beautiful enchanting face was still at the same far distance as it was before. Then she disappeared from my sight. I felt a great tremor beneath my feet.  Huge holes appeared in the walls of the palace, the minarets began to raze down, and everything within the sight was destroyed.  The path under my feet broke, and I found myself falling down in the space where there is nothing but darkness…………pitch darkness………the heart splitting darkness.

Then the window of my eyes opened and I found myself lying in the bed. The sun light was already in the room.  I was lying in the bed thinking about the dream.  Why it has been happening to me. 

I got off the bed and went to my computer to check my email as usual.  There was a single message……………..from her!................just one line message,

“I am deleting you from my life”

It seemed to me that everything began to destroy as it was destroying in my dream.

I wrote the blog about four years ago and posted here.  Publishing once again for the interest of my readers.

MOMENTS OF REVERIE

It was again a morning of usual life.   I walked to the bank to do some routine business. On the way, I found myself in the monotonous hullabaloo of the traffic engulfing me.  A shiver imbibed whole of me in spite of the warm weather. There were faces, flat expressionless, empty eyes, without emotions, or if there was any expression, it was the “meanness”.   They were all moving very fast, avoiding looking at each other as if there is no relation between them even of humanity. They were looking moving parts of machines.

When I reached the bank, the attending officer asked me to sit and wait. The mechanism of the atmosphere frightened me, all the work was going on mechanically, for some moments I felt pervaded by machines. The magic of the monotony was broken by the voice of the officer who was calling my name.

I got the work for which I went to the bank, finished. By then it made me feel stressed, so I straight came back home.  I was not feeling relaxed though I thought I would have been relieved this morning.

In the afternoon, I spent all the time reading or trying to read. Something was missing! I found one book which had the grip to keep the reader stuck with it. I don’t know when I put the book away and drowned in deep pondering or maybe it was a slumber.   In this silent reverie, a comely face beaming with pulchritude furled out slightly before my eyes, full of love and tenderness, seeping some memories from my veins, let me feel very happy, I swept into my bed and closed my eyes contented. 

As I have told somewhere here in EC that I am in the habit of reading.  I do not have the interest to read any specific subject.  I read whatever is in my reach, even the scrap of paper I pick up from the floor to throw away.  This reading habit built a desire in me that I would write something, but what, I didn’t have any idea.  Once I happened to visit a shrine, it was/is situated on the beach.  I sat in a corner and looked at the crowds of the people men, women and children were coming paying homage to the saint, they were praying, may be asking for their wishes to be fulfilled.  I saw a girl there, she was mumbling something bowing her head. She might also be praying for her desires. That was a very touchy inspiring scene.   From there the idea of SHE (my very first blog) came in my mind, and I posted it on a culture page of another site.  This was liked by hundreds of readers and I received very encouraging responses from members.  I have also posted SHE here in EC and again it was admired by numbers of readers.  

When I wrote this story, I felt that the suffocation I had been feeling on my heart was removed and I was feeling relieved.  Then, I started writing continuously.  I posted many stories there in that forum.  Then the site became deactivated, and all of my friends left it.  One of the female members guided me to here in EC, I joined it.  I am not interested very much of chatting especially in the main room, I never joined it, simply watch sometimes staying away, and then I was happy with my decision not to join the main chat room.  I chat only in private with very selective members.

So my main interest is in posting of blogs.   And now I have posted over 360 blogs so far within a period of over three years.  I blog, because this is my oxygen, eases my breathing and relieves the burden from my heart.  I feel easy writing on romance, human feelings, love, suffering, but I also didn’t leave other topics untouched.  The topic which contains data and information etc. are of lesser interest for me. 

The bottom line of blogging this (blog) is that I blog because it gives me satisfaction.  I am behind the curtain of electrons; a majority do not know me but when I blog this works as a projector and my hologram (image) become visible on the monitors of those who are interested in reading. 

Repeat blog (coz. it is need of time)

As life goes on and we ascend the ladder of age, a lot of the time we think ourselves either too experienced or too long in the tooth to learn new things or new ways of doing old things.  But knowledge has no age or ending and while we are still walking on the well-trodden path of ours, the world has not seized to spin-changes in eternity.  So, why do we spate or alienate ourselves from something as natural as change and the process of learning?  Why do we deliberately sabotage ourselves and stunt our growth?  Why do we then blame everything else around us for the things that they happen to us?  Do we not then make a self-fulfilling prophecy for ourselves?

These are all rhetorical but self-searching questions.  We need to ask these from ourselves on a regular basis lest we think ourselves above the elements of change and externalities.  This issue deals with ways to make the process of self-understanding and discovery smoother and more understandable.  May it be someone who is starting a new or someone who has been at it for a long time.  There is always something new or unique to learn a new perspective or an innovative technique that not only stimulates the fertile mind but also saves time and brings further ripples of change in the world. 

Idea has been taken from an article in a local magazine

This is on the motivation of Muskan's Vocablog Challenge - 01

I saw her walking on the side of a Clamorous road.   I found myself staring at her.  May be because of the warmth of my sight, I felt a Vivid jerk in her slim flexible body, (she might be a belly dancer).  She gave me back, a nimble smile. The roses were striving to blossom.  Then she turned away and disappeared.  But, it was not a disappearance for me. She was all around me, as I was in a hall of mirrors and in all the mirrors it was she, not me.  I was just a beholder.  I tried to run away, I was really running, I wanted to get rid of her images.  She was smiling and calling my name without opening her lips, as she knew me since the eternity.  I jerked my head repeatedly.  I again ran, but I did not know where I was going.  Then, I found myself in my apartment, standing before the fridge.    I opened the fridge; there was nothing in it.  All at once, I realized that I was hungry!

1. Every learner here on EC desires to learn and improve English.  I receive continuously requests from the learner to tell them how to improve English.  I always advise them ‘to read more and more, as much as they could’.  It is a bit difficult to develop the zeal, but it is the must.  By reading, the treasure of words (vocabulary) increases.
2. Then I advise them to use the new words they come to know in sentences.  Use them again and again so that they memorize.
3. With this stock of vocabulary (no matter how limited it is), try to write paragraphs (short blog posts), and post them so that others/friends and members get access to them to read and make comments as well as advise the necessary correction.
4. Read the blogs posted by other members.  We have a treasure of such bloggers, who are so good to be good authors.  I read them all and learn from them.
5. Observe the occurrences of events in your life, think of them compile the thoughts and write about them.
6. For the beginners just write without compiling or thinking upon them very much.  Just write, even if they are scattered thoughts.  The senior readers and teacher will help how to put them in sequence.
7. If a story comes to mind.  Do not worry to make it in sequence in relations to the events.  Write what part of the script comes first in your mind.  I remember once I wrote the end of the story first, then events occurrences without any consecutiveness, then I make the entire story in the sequence of the events.  It is like making a movie.  Whatever the set is available the scene is filmed, then the editor combines them in a series of events according to the story.
8. Make it a habit of proofreading of what has been written.

I hope the above tips will prove to be useful for the starters.

LEARN TO LISTEN - LISTEN TO LEARN

"No man would listen to you talk if he didn't know it was his turn next." (Quote by Ed howe, an American novelist) 

This is natural a human being (may be animal also) born with a desire “to be listened”, but to "be listened", it is also obligatory that one should have the bearing to listen to others.

Just take your own example. You are with a group of friends and some conversation is going on. Just imagine what would be your feelings, when you find one of your friends talking about something and you are anxious to give your own views on it. You may interrupt and prompt your view point or you will wait to let him/her finish. Now suppose after having finished the talk your friend leaves without letting you give your view point, what will be your emotion. Would you listen to him/her next time or just try to ignore. So we listen to others on the expectation that we would also be listened.

BUT there is an exception. Yes…………..I am giving you my own view point. There is an exception, and this exception is with those who are deeply in love (Ishiq). In this condition, the lover just wants to hear his beloved talk and talk and talk! He wishes that she would continuously keep talking and he would keep listening to her sweet voice, keep seeing the movement of her rose petal lips. This is the only condition when the listener has no desire to be listened. He just wants to listen.

This is a repeat blog 

I have been here in the Baltimore MD (The USA) for last nine months. Now I am feeling like at home.  How and why?  Let’s see candidly:

I am now seeing people here also throw all sorts of garbage openly on the road like glasses of drinks, bottles of wines which are sometimes broken and scattered on the footpaths and grass. They do not bother to put them in the corner at a safe place if no garbage can is provided.  There is a colony yonder of my back yard, Some of the residents throw their garbage bags in my back yard though they can use the big garbage containers provided for this purpose.  But they do not bother to go there and throw their garbage in the container.  At the very moment when I am writing this, I am seeing this trash lying under the tree through my glass window. The garbage collector does not come here near this site.  So I have seen this trash piling up for last nine months. 

So, it has to be happened back there in Karachi (Pakistan) people also there does not care about how to keep the garbage safe in bags and containers.  In the apartment where I was living people do not bother to throw all trash and garbage out from their galleries which most of the times fall on the passer byes under their galleries.  Even the ladies do not care much and throw the baby napkins and their own (of course used ones) out of the galleries.  Once I was saved from them by inch on my shoulder.

Here (in MD) I have seen (been seeing) people spitting freely hither and thither. Even throwing bud of cigarettes. 

So, it has been back there in Karachi.  There one thing is for their distinction is that they spit the remaining of betel (Paan ke peek) which is blood red, in color and sometimes give a shock to the strangers who first time see them and sympathize to see the man spitting blood.  You will rarely find a fall there even in the apartment which is not colored red (giving an impression of abstract art).  Really if someone put them in the exhibition they will get a prize for that art.

The public buses here in MD are very advanced technically and of course very comfortable, but they mostly stink.  Why? Because the ladies traveling with the infant kids let them pee in the buses (may be compulsive, which of course can be done before leaving the house to travel, but it is not done).  I have seen this by myself so this is not any exaggeration. Once one of the pairs of seats was folded back with the notice “wet seat”.  The problem is this that these buses are not washed later on there has been a persistent ‘stink’ on the buses.

So as is has been there in Karachi.  People do not mind using the mini buses as their toilet when they are stopped at their stand.  Even the passenger who get sick because of the hot weather and all suffocation to vomit.  So these buses also stink with the exception that they stink because of the sweating of the people, which is not so here in the USA because the busses are fully conditioned (cool in summer and warm in the winter). 

I use to go out for walking daily.  Here I have been seeing a cat dead/rotting on the footpath for weeks and no body cares to remove or get it removed from the scene.  I have to keep my breath stopped while passing through (because there is no other way for me to walk through except road which is surely dangerous). 

So it is back there in my native city.  Most of the times animals (dogs and cats) get crushed by the passing cars and truck and no authority bother to remove them from there except nature, which naturally let it pass through the due process of rotting, stinking the air around.

So finding all the similarities with my native city, I am now feeling like at home here in the USA.

We were all shocked when our beloved nephew (he was just one month behind his 16th year) diagnosed with an acutely aggressive brain tumor.  Doctors gave him only a few months to live.  I couldn’t believe what I was hearing.  I was totally numb for the sometimes. I was not really prepared for that, really not.  I remember it was one of the days when I was babysitting him in the hospital, he said to me, “mamoo (uncle) I am feeling severe pain……….”  I ran to the attending doctor and asked him to do something.  The doctor’s face got darkened with the shadow of sadness, “Just talk him out………….this is what we can do for him………….what you can do for him”.  There were tears in the doctor’s eyes. 

It is not uncommon that we most of the time get afflicted at any time by a terminal disease.  Commendably, many willingly take on the task of the caring for a loved one who is diagnosed with a terminal illness.  Yet it is a formidable challenge, and the doctor told me to “talk him out”.  It was really a very difficult to talk with a patient who is about to die and we can’t do anything for him/her just to talk to speak calmly just to soothe them for a moment.

Usually, the caretaker’s primary role is to provide comfort to the dying person.  A dying person needs to be reassured that he is loved and not alone.  How can this be done?  Read or sing to the patient, (in Muslims families the recitation of Qur'an is done preferably the Chapter ‘Yseen’) choosing literature and songs that are upbuilding and enjoyable to him/her.  Many people are comforted when a family member holds their hand and speaks softly to them.  I remember my mother was in the hospital in her dying bed, she was calling my name, “Do not leave me, my son”.  I held her soft silky hand in my hand, “I am here with you Amma”.  As I took her hand in my hands she calmed down and breathed calmly.  Later on, I understood it was her last breaths feeling my hand on hers made her feel that she was not alone.

It is often helpful to identify any visitors.  It is said, “Hearing is said to be the last of the five senses to be lost.  The hearing   may still remain very acute although the patients may seem asleep so avoid to say anything in their presence you would not say to them when awake.” 

No wonder the very notion of a loved one dying is often is distressing.  We have been designed as not to accept death is normal, but in fact, it is normal, part of life, an unavoidable chapter of life.  We can’t pass on without reading it feeling it and suffering it.  Death is always our such a hostile companion who once in our life do come to us at its appointed time not moment before or after.

Relying on God is essential, not only during the terminal illness of a family member but also during the grief that comes following death.  He is always right here with us to help us through all our grief, turmoil and sadness.  As our Creator, He understands our pain and sorrow.  He is always eager to provide the necessary help and encouragement so that we can cope.  He never gives us the burden of life which is beyond our tolerance.  But this is just a matter of belief and faith, otherwise, the eternal enemy within us would make us feel it larger than it is actually is. 

This is on the motivation of Expector's recent blog One blog per week

Never let your any ‘failure’ pull you down.

Life is the river, flows roughly sometime and get calm at some places, blended with successes and failures. Wise are those who do not let their failures pull them down. For your inspiration and motivation, I am giving a brief account of some of the famous people who didn’t let failure drag them down.

 1.   Henry Ford:

While Ford is today known for his innovative assembly line and American-made cars, he wasn’t an instant success.  In fact, his early businesses failed and left him broke five times before he founded the successful Ford Motor Company.

 2.   R.H. Macy:

Most people are familiar with this large department store chain, but Macy didn’t always have it easy.  Macy started seven failed business before finally hitting big with his store in New York City.

 3.   Soichiro Honda:

The billion-dollar business that is Honda began with a series of failures and fortunate turns of luck.  Honda was turned down by Toyota Motor Corporation for a job after interviewing for a job as an engineer, leaving him jobless for quite some time.  He started making scooters of his own at home, and spurred on by his neighbors, finally started his own business.

 4. Bill Gates:

Gates didn’t seem like a shoe-in for success after dropping out of Harvard and starting a failed first business with Microsoft co-founder Paul Allen called Traf-O-Data.  While this early idea didn’t work, Gates’ later work did, creating the global empire that is Microsoft.

 5.   Walt Disney:

Today Disney rakes in billions from merchandise, movies and theme parks around the world, but Walt Disney himself had a bit of a rough start.  He was fired by a newspaper editor because “he lacked imagination and had no good ideas.”  After that, Disney started a number of businesses that didn’t last too long and ended with bankruptcy and failure.  He kept plugging along, however, and eventually found a recipe for success that worked and what it is which we enjoy now even after he is no more with us, but we know him very well.

 6.   J.K. Rowling:

Rowling may be rolling in a lot of Harry Potter dough today, but before she published the series of novels she was nearly penniless, severely depressed, divorced, trying to raise a child on her own while attending school and writing a novel.  Rowing went from depending on welfare to survive to being one of the richest women in the world in a span of only five years through her hard work and determination.

 7.   Elvis Presley:

As one of the best-selling artists of all time, Elvis has become a household name even years after his death.  But back in 1954, Elvis was still a nobody, and Jimmy Denny, Manager of the Grand Ole Optry, fired Elvis Presley after just one performance telling him, “You ain’t going nowhere, son.  You ought to go back to driving a truck.”

 8.   Michael Jordan:

Most people wouldn’t believe that a man often lauded as the best basketball player of all time was actually cut from his high school basketball team.  Luckily, Jordan didn’t let this setback stop him from playing the game and he has stated, “I have missed more than 9,000 shots in my career.  I have lost almost 300 games.  On 26 occasions, I have been entrusted to take the game-winning s hot, and I missed.  I have failed over and over and over again in my life.  And that is why I succeed.”

Relevant information compiled from a magazine.