ESL Blogs

We were all shocked when our beloved nephew (he was just one month behind his 16th year) diagnosed with an acutely aggressive brain tumor.  Doctors gave him only a few months to live.  I couldn’t believe what I was hearing.  I was totally numb for the sometimes. I was not really prepared for that, really not.  I remember it was one of the days when I was babysitting him in the hospital, he said to me, “mamoo (uncle) I am feeling severe pain……….”  I ran to the attending doctor and asked him to do something.  The doctor’s face got darkened with the shadow of sadness, “Just talk him out………….this is what we can do for him………….what you can do for him”.  There were tears in the doctor’s eyes. 

It is not uncommon that we most of the time get afflicted at any time by a terminal disease.  Commendably, many willingly take on the task of the caring for a loved one who is diagnosed with a terminal illness.  Yet it is a formidable challenge, and the doctor told me to “talk him out”.  It was really a very difficult to talk with a patient who is about to die and we can’t do anything for him/her just to talk to speak calmly just to soothe them for a moment.

Usually, the caretaker’s primary role is to provide comfort to the dying person.  A dying person needs to be reassured that he is loved and not alone.  How can this be done?  Read or sing to the patient, (in Muslims families the recitation of Qur'an is done preferably the Chapter ‘Yseen’) choosing literature and songs that are upbuilding and enjoyable to him/her.  Many people are comforted when a family member holds their hand and speaks softly to them.  I remember my mother was in the hospital in her dying bed, she was calling my name, “Do not leave me, my son”.  I held her soft silky hand in my hand, “I am here with you Amma”.  As I took her hand in my hands she calmed down and breathed calmly.  Later on, I understood it was her last breaths feeling my hand on hers made her feel that she was not alone.

It is often helpful to identify any visitors.  It is said, “Hearing is said to be the last of the five senses to be lost.  The hearing   may still remain very acute although the patients may seem asleep so avoid to say anything in their presence you would not say to them when awake.” 

No wonder the very notion of a loved one dying is often is distressing.  We have been designed as not to accept death is normal, but in fact, it is normal, part of life, an unavoidable chapter of life.  We can’t pass on without reading it feeling it and suffering it.  Death is always our such a hostile companion who once in our life do come to us at its appointed time not moment before or after.

Relying on God is essential, not only during the terminal illness of a family member but also during the grief that comes following death.  He is always right here with us to help us through all our grief, turmoil and sadness.  As our Creator, He understands our pain and sorrow.  He is always eager to provide the necessary help and encouragement so that we can cope.  He never gives us the burden of life which is beyond our tolerance.  But this is just a matter of belief and faith, otherwise, the eternal enemy within us would make us feel it larger than it is actually is.