English Club reminds me of a large International Airport. Many flights are ready to land, several are leaving at the same time. A few of us stick around and park our wings underneath the hangar's shelter while much needed repairs are being performed. The very best aircraft get displayed in a museum for all passengers to see while walking into the port at it's entrance.

The entire relationship between learners and a few of us so called teachers seems so similar at times. 

In reality, the people that I've bonded with as a native speaker have meant more to me than the basic English skills than this "American Caveman" has been able to offer at times.

This reminds me of the Western and English speaking culture and how family structure honestly works here in the United States along with many other nations that enjoy the freedom of governmental common law rule.

I'll describe a brief and fictional scenario that could be typical of any American household.

Mom is in the bedroom talking quietly on the phone to a divorce lawyer because she's hurt and confused while giving up on life and it's spousal struggles.

Dad is out in the work force earning a living and worried about how to support his wife and children. Meanwhile, the children are at school trying to learn and hoping all will be well while acting like a playground bully or coward. The character of the child decides their nature. Dad is just oblivious to the true depth of what's really happening. All he thinks about it sex, dinner, and bouncing those two children on his knee for a moment before he retires to bed after a long day's work. 

Mom is worried about the bills piling up that can't be paid and how her kids are going to have money put away for the a college education. Her concerns are deep and well validated. Life and it's challenges are on her mind constantly. She wishes that the man she married would pull his head out from a place where the sun doesn't shine and join her struggle.

Regardless of the present circumstances, they both share the same common goal (whether they know it or not). The learning of what life and it's vast and unpredictable twists and turns have to offer is what makes us human. Perfect English really isn't the challenge. International and local communication and it's proper use for the sake of humanity is the point I'm trying to make.

By the way, those two fictional characters that I mentioned in the above listed paragraphs are now on speaking terms once again and enjoying a better and more happy relationship. The children are behaving themselves and blending into the learning process while achieving excellent marks at school.

One might ask, "What turned this entire scenario around?". The question of the hour is, "Who cares?". The end result was positive. My guess would be that one of those parents decided to finally land on the runway of life and park underneath that symbolic hanger for some much needed repairs.

Is the story an honest depiction of a real life story that may have occurred? My good friends here can decide on that matter.

In the end, know who you're true partners and friends are in life. What you learn from them may amaze you beyond belief. The two previously mentioned subjects in this paragraph have always been the very best of me. Learning from each other and what this site has to offer is more important to this old sole than properly communicating in perfect English. 

Mickey, my little niece, you challenged me to write about this subject two weeks ago. The content was carefully considered before posting. Please don't say that I didn't warn you. lollllllll ;)

So many of us face personal challenges in day to day life. Whether it's politics, traffic during the daily commute, family and relationships issues, or just that annoying insect that keeps landing on your arm while trying to write a humorous and intelligent comment in the main room as you wait for your best friend to show up that's ten time zones away from your region. The sun always rises in the East for all of us. Humanity never stops for anyone. I'll post you a song that really isn't gender specific. The video may be depicted from a male perspective. Sorry, that's just who I am.  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IZrxMUMYBrk  Never quit learning. When that sun is at our backs during the most difficult of days, we all see the same light.

A few years ago, I adopted two freshly weaned puppies from the same litter. The particular breed of dog is known as a Labrador Retriever. In the US, we just call them Labs. They come in a variety of colors and are one of the most friendly, intelligent, interesting, and loyal K-9 companions (in my opinion) that a dog owner could ever have the pleasure of spending time with. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Labrador_Retriever . I'll allow the link to give further explanation of the breed. While at the breeder's home and choosing these two lovely animals, I decided on a male and female puppy to bring home with me. The female was named Judy and the male, Miles.

At first, they were small and cute. When they reached about five months of age, every piece of furniture in my household had teething marks in it (along with my own hands). The garden was filled holes they'd dug. It reminded me of attempting to raise rebellious teenagers. My own daughter was only ten years old at the time. I can safely say my experience was non-existent at that time. The days passed while both of them developed maturity and loyalty. 

As they became older, I began to notice distinct differences in their personalities that can only be attributed to their gender.

Judy awoke early in the morning and followed me around the house and property as I got ready for a day's work while Miles was still sleeping. She'd been trained on command to fetch my morning newspaper at the end of a long driveway. Later in the day when both of them were awake and alert, Judy barked at anyone who rang the doorbell or walked past my home. Her protective nature always made me smile. Miles just sat patiently and wagged his tail.

While hunting ducks in my own late fall and early winter, they were trained to immediately jump into the pond and retrieve this hunter's prize. Miles was always the first to navigate the very cold water. Judy usually hesitated momentarily while looking at me in disgust. If she had a way of formally communicating with me, I'm sure she'd say, "let my brother do it. This water is far too cold for a lady.". Miles was always the true hero in this scenario.

When the sun finally sets, both dogs are and where truly appreciated by me. My love, praise,and admiration has always been expressed for their effort. As I wrote this blog during my own late evening, Judy is still with me while sleeping on a comfortable spot near the foot of my bed. Miles passed away due to a rare illness about a year ago. Whether snoring loudly in my own bedroom or looking down upon me from the "doggy afterlife", both have always been equal in my eyes.

The entire situation reminded me of human gender related behavior in many ways. I hope all EC Members can see the symbolic comparison.

I live in a rural area of Northern California. In my opinion, it's one of the most beautiful and majestic places on the planet. My property closely borders this large lake. https://www.google.com/search?q=folsom+lake+images&hl=en&newwindow=1&rlz=1C2GGGE_enUS468US468&tbm=isch&tbo=u&source=univ&sa=X&ei=pCIlUebnNIzuigKX4oDYBg&ved=0CDMQsAQ&biw=1366&bih=667 

The town is located about thirty miles east of Sacramento. Sightings of wild deer, turkeys, and coyotes, are not uncommon. There are many other wonderful animals that call this environment their home and help to contribute to the local ecology of the landscape.

Not far from my home, a rather large and eagle like predatory bird roosts and nests in a pine tree. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Red-tailed_Hawk#Description

Recently, I was enjoying a sunny afternoon off from work and posting humorous comments in English Club Main Chat while outdoors on a lawn chair. Suddenly, I hear the sound of a bird's wings and feel an unfamiliar wind in my face. The hawk swooped down directly over my head and plucked a mouse from my lawn that was less than ten feet away from me. As this beautiful yet, fierce predator flew past me, it's head turned and looked me directly in the eye.

Personally, I wasn't quite sure of what to think. Should it have scared me or made me laugh? A combination of both entered my mind as I dropped the laptop and ran for cover. This was something that I'd never had such an intimate encounter with in all my years of living here.

The lesson that came to my own mind was this, "Life is always full of wonderful surprises. Never close your eyes to what this earthly existence has to offer.".

Keep learning my friends.

I usually write on this blog with my own humor and try to make people laugh or flaunt my own limited writing ability. This one is an older video that'll make you cringe. Just watch. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Hk-3MU-rc0M  It's a very small planet my English Club Friends. 

Take Care.

Half of this piece was written during the earlier part of 2012. When I received the news that my father was dying, I decided to finish it before his passing. He left this planet on October 22 2012. This one is dedicated to him. The writing was very hard for me to even think of posting here. But, it's time for me to move on from the grief and begin living again. My next blog that's posted will be much more humorous.

What The Hell Was I Thinking?

Many years ago, I was out for a wild night on the town of male misbehavior. At the time, a normal day for me would epitomize an average man's eternity in hell. During this tirade, an all too familiar dark cloud manifested it'self above me. From that cloud, and angel fell to my feet. She had one perfectly white and flawless wing. The other appeared to be broken.

As she finally managed to complete her very difficult landing, the first words that came from my very arrogant lips where, "Are you sure you've been delivered to the right location? Sharks regularly patrol these very dangerous waters and true angles have never been seen in these parts.".

To my surprise, she looked up to me and said, "Hey moron, you and the sharks don't scare me. Stop questioning your own destiny! If I had a choice, gravity would have never brought me here and you can kiss my lily white angelic ass!".

Okay, the usual "two cent pick up lines" weren't working. Talking to a fallen angel wasn't a daily practice in this man's life. With all of my very "limited wisdom", and complete lack of common sense, I decided to walk away and count my losses for the evening.

While staggering off in sad disappointment, the obnoxious little angle grabbed my shoulder and looked at me with the brightest smile I'd ever seen.

What she said made a very lasting impression. 

"Hey moron, don't give up. You have a long life to live. Your own stupidity is temporary, yet my love for you is eternal. When times become difficult. I'll carry you through the worst of it.".

Many years of my life passed while following an average course. The pains of raising my own family, weddings, funerals, career choices, etc. etc.

Whenever times became difficult, I'd catch a glimpse of my little passive aggressive guardian. As promised, she never abandoned me.

After a long, earthly existence, my final day arrived. For a man with many flaws and a jaded past, I felt fortunate to have so many loved ones witness a dying man's final breath.

Upon awaking to a strange and new realm of existence, something told me I wasn't alone. The same familiar grip that'd clutched my shoulder so long ago was now holding my right hand. Her beauty hadn't changed since the night we first met.

In front of us stood two pearly white gates that were carefully guarded by Saint Peter.

All that she said was, "It's time for you to meet your Father. Please allow me the honor of formal introductions.".

Being a man of earthly pride, my response to her was, "It's okay dear. I have this one covered.".

I let her right hand go and started running towards my final destiny. Before I could complete my first sprinting step, the angel screamed out, "Hey moron!!!, lawyers aren't allowed in Heaven and you'll need my guidance!".

These words stopped me dead in my tracks. For the first time, I could finally comprehend the true meaning of what my faithful and lifelong companion was trying to say.

While humbly turning back to rejoin hands with my faithful "broken winged" companion, a tear appeared upon her cheek. When I asked what made her so sad, she looked me in the eye and said, "You silly boy, I've seen so many souls just like you run and crash into the fires of hell. Please take a chance with me and walk carefully through the gates of eternity.".

To my atheist and agnostic English Club friends, enjoy the humor of the story and smile. To my more religious friends, Muslim, Christian, Jewish, Buddhist, or whatever brand of spirituality you practice in your country, I hope you enjoyed the sentiment. If your true believers you'll understand.

It was just time to finally share that writing. It's composure and editing nearly killed me.

Finally, I give thanks to English Club for allowing me the ability to share this story to my dear friends across the globe.

Take care all.

A note from the author: I composed this about four months ago. Some of my English Club friends have seen it already. It's a symbolic writing and is still unedited. For the serious learners and people that I haven't had the pleasure of meeting yet; Please just read "deeply" and know that English has many levels of comprehension.

My Life To Live

As an average farmer with an occupation that consisted of brutal labor and small yields, my way of life wasn't easy. Summers were short and hot. Winters were long and lean. Through the very best and worst of times, I managed to provide for my family.

One early Spring morning, I hitched two horses to the plow and began to till the soil for the new growing season. In the middle of my labor, a beautiful flower crossed my threshold. As the cold steel passed her stem, I could hear her say, "It's my life to live. The field is large and I'm small. Can't you spare some precious soil for me?" Those words made it to my ears, yet, grain pays more than weeds. My plow continued onward.

Midway through the summer growing season while inspecting my half matured crop, I stumbled across that same flower. Perhaps my steel had managed to miss all of her roots during the Spring. For the second time, my hard working hands removed her from the fertile dirt. Before tossing her to the field's edge, I smelled her lovely scent and was truly touched by her beauty. While finally discarding her for the second time, I heard her say again, "It's my life to live. The field is large and I'm small. Can't you spare some precious soil for me?". I wish I'd listened to the simple message that that flower tried to deliver.

For the remainder of summer, she never returned.

By early Fall, the grain was tall and bountiful. A record year was about to be recorded in this farmer's financial books.

On the evening before harvest, a hail storm swept the land and rendered the grain useless. My family and I nearly starved during the following brutal winter.

When the snow finally melted, it was time to begin another long endeavor of yearly existence.

In that same field, and nearly the same spot as the previous year, my flower once again appeared. As my horses and plow approached her, she once again cried, " It's my life to live. The field is large and I'm small. Can't you spare some precious soil for me?". After the previous year's work had been destroyed, my heart finally changed. Instead of running her over and ridding my dirt of an unnecessary plant, I decided to direct my horses and cold steel to my left to avoid her roots.

Summer came and passed. My flower rose tall and triumphantly above a majestic, and very good yield of grain. One weed's symbolic message simply changed my life.

The autumn hail that had previously stricken my family never returned.

Live and let live.

This was one was given out to all of my creative English Club friends. I hope you all enjoy it. Never be afraid to follow your dreams and try new ideas. I love so many of your blog writings. Here's my favorite song regarding the subject of new creativity https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vRFR8_PXhl8 Never quit writing my friends.

Take care all!!!

This is written as a humorous message to my "gentlemen" chat friends on this site. For the "lady jokers", just read on and enjoy the laugh.

Please!!!!, (to all of you)... Watch this video first to "set the mood of the writing". https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PVwG1t-NVAA  The concept was borrowed, yet, I truly love adding to it. It involves a bad tasting Mexican Beer that's imported to the United States.

Here's my list of additions; Enjoy all! Please, relax and smile.

1. When God created the Earth, he considered naming an eight day of the week in his name.

2. He's discovered continents on this planet that no one else knew existed.

3. He jumps out of an airplane and always lands safely on his feet. Parachutes are for "sissies".

4. (for my Christian friends)..Jesus walked on water,yet, he swims through land.

5. He wrestles alligators and crocodiles to warm up for his morning fitness regiment.

6. He owns a 20 foot long shark that lives in his personal swimming pool. Sometimes, he'll practice the backstroke (in the pool) with that beast, just to enjoy the challenge of a good, fair, fight.

7.His legend is so large that it casts it's own shadow. Even on a moonless night.

8. His ego is so strong that it would kill you with one "glancing blow", while one hand is tied behind his back.

9. When his day is going well, every person on the planet enjoys a holiday and celebrates.

10. When his day isn't going well for him, aliens from planets that are still unknown to humans shed a tear of sadness.

11. (This is another one is for my Christian friends) In 1984, they ordained him substitute pope for the day. John Paul needed to call in sick.

12. Like Moses; He has the ability to part the Red Sea. This ability is often used by him just to impress the women he dates.

13. Pilgrims make a yearly migration to his town of origin, just to walk in the hallowed footsteps of his childhood.

There it is. My top 13 list. Oh!! I almost forgot. "13" is an unlucky number in Western Culture and a serious superstition. I'd best add one more.

14. If he was the last existing sole on this planet; Mankind would still have a chance of existing.

The main point that I'm trying to get across is this (to all of my friends and readers). You can convey your opinion without using words or terms that will get you banned here on English Club.

Please, just be creative with the English Language. "Earn it, learn it, then flaunt it.". (at least in main chat, lolll!!!)

I miss so many of you when you vanish for a while due to your risky language.

Take Care All!!!

 I recently wrote this with the very best of intentions. Please don't take offense. The concept was borrowed from one of my favorite American comedians (Jeff Foxworthy) https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=T7E-isbgwpk  I assure you that the content is all original.....

If you spend half of your afternoon voice chatting with our members and need to take a nap from trying to understand them (because you're exhausted from the listening, and bad internet connections), then are awoken from a deep coma for dinner, while speaking fluent Chinese in a Russian accent in your sleep (and your native language is English)...,You might be spending too much time on English Club.

If your breath smells like garlic from a good Russian friend's recipe suggestion (that you cooked), and you're bottom half still burns from the previous Northern East Indian's recipe..., You might be spending too much time on English Club.

If your own family pets need feeding, while the grass is growing tall and in need of mowing, yet you put off all of those tasks just to make contact with one of your foreign chat friends; You might be spending too much time on English Club.

The next paragraph is not so funny. So pay attention my English Learners.

If one of your best EC friends from a foreign country (and in need of emotional support), tries to contact you, and you're not there (because of the life commitments of your own timezone); You suddenly realize that you may not be spending enough time on English Club.

Just remember this, (my English Club Friends).."Life isn't easy, and always begins when you turn off the computer and walk out the front door.". We all will survive this test that we call life. Learning English is secondary to the friendships that we gain here.

Please love all of those friends (locally and abroad), while making everyone in your life smile.

Take care all.

As a somewhat, controversial, yet, good standing member of English Club, I always do my very best to help out all of our members. I'm a native speaker who carries a great deal of responsibility when logging into this site while joking around with the more humorous members.

The topic and subject that I'm about to relate to is somewhat of a "touchy issue" and the story is a bit symbolic in it's nature. Please don't take offense. The entire story is written with the best of intentions. It's a real life story that happened to me not long ago. It regards religious differences between American Citizens, our widely varied cultures, and how we all seem to unite and come together in this very large country that we "Yankees" call a "Melting Pot". 

My best friend (Doug) called and invited me for another good time of joking around and flying in his own privately owned small aircraft. He's a bit more fortunate than me and I always appreciate the invitation to fly with him. Doug is an ex-Vietnam/American War Veteran who's a child of Russian Jewish Immigrants that migrated to America. He flew helicopters during the conflict between our two countries and is a very skilled pilot. I personally, am a pilot that met his own demise during the Gulf War. Because of both of our own spiritual beliefs, and life experiences, "we agree to disagree". Doug is now an atheist. I'm a spiritual person who tends to lean on the teachings of Christianity, yet doesn't follow the practice too closely.

On the day my friend and I decided to take a flight, Doug insisted that I take the left hand controls of his Cessna 172. If your not a pilot, please understand, "when the owner of an aircraft offers you the left seat of his own plane, it's an honor". The left side controls of any plane our reserved for the owner or captain of the craft. This was the first time in our many flights that he'd done that and it really surprised me, but, I didn't think too much about it while joyously accepting his very generous offer. Just before take-off, that old man looked over at me and said, "Eric, follow my instructions and don't ask any questions".

Doug directed me to fly (from the airfield) towards the direction of his own very rural property. When we came within a few miles of our destination, he told me to "drop down to the deck" (or just about a hundred feet above treetop level) and slow my airspeed,then turn towards the direction of his neighbor's property instead of his.

His neighbor is a very conservative Mormon man who doesn't drink alcohol,smoke,or even enjoy coffee.

Upon approach to this guy's property (at a very low altitude), Doug reaches into his tote bag, grabs two beers, and opens the right side window of his own aircraft. Suddenly, I had the chance to look to my right and see what my friend was doing. I screamed, "Doug, you know that alcohol isn't allowed while flying!". My older friend looked calmly to his left and said this, " Don't worry Eric, these beers aren't for our own enjoyment at this time, please just fly this plane. I'm playing a joke on my good friend and neighbor". He proceeded to throw those two cans of beer out the window while in flight and come very close to hitting his Mormon neighbor's house. Instantly, the joke was understood by me. I laughed through that pilot's intercom and had to wipe the sweat and tears of joy from my face. After that whole incident, I allowed the true "captain of his craft" to safely approach the runway and land his own machine!! You all know that landing for me would of been impossible at that time because I was laughing too hard and still tingling from the joke!!

About a week later, that old Russian, Jewish, man (and pilot), invited me and the Mormon to his house for dinner (along with our families). We all came and had a great time together because that's what this melting pot that we call "America" is all about. 

It's my most true and sincerest hope that we can all share a sarcastic and good laugh (like the one that was just shared with you) sometime soon.

In life, it's my belief that the very best learners of good humor and comedy have earned their expertise through hardship, pain, and suffering. The death of a loved one, failed relationships, struggles with learning, etc..If you can't, or haven't experienced these life situations and learned to laugh, this post isn't for you. Please,.. stop reading now!!!

The overwhelmingly vast majority of people that I joke with on this site simply make my day with a shared chuckle over this "Information Super Highway"!!

To the rest of my less humorless and inexperienced EC learners; I'm offering a "crash course" in early May of this year. It involves a rusty old Ford truck with a sticky throttle, a six pack of American Beer, a rural dirt road, and a tree lined drainage ditch! 

If you wake up in the hospital with most of your front teeth still intact, less than two broken bones, and can still smile about it, then this teacher will give you a passing grade. 

Oh!!!; I forgot this very important point. 

For legal matters, this must be stated. Please provide your own airfare, hotel accommodations, rusty Ford truck, six pack of American beer, and lawyer's fees. I'll be on a safe and neighboring hillside to film and post it all on this site.

On a more serious note, I love all of my good hearted, EC jokers and keep the laughs coming!!! "Take care y'all!!".      

P.S..those classes are filling up quickly so book your reservations early!! lolll 

I've been a good standing member of English Club for about six months (I've never been banned). Joking around in our main chat room simply "makes my day". Through all of that funny humor, I've made many "true international friends"... Those special bonds that have been forged over time,trial,and error. What I'm about to write may offend some of you and I really don't care!!! It was composed and written with plenty of humor and combined with a darker comedic undertone.

A few days ago, Sofia posted a lovely blog that paid tribute to our good English Club friend(Grape)..I know Sofia put a great deal of time and effort into honoring our friend. It was lovely and I personally appreciate the sentiment. As time and the posts ticked away (publicly and privately); I began to read "between the lines" of some of those comments. Here's what I have to say about it! ;)

I have a bit of advice for all of those immature and jealous EC members who commented in an inappropriate manner..(If your comment was true and sincere; this doesn't apply to you "HAVE A NICE DAY"!!!:)...

To the "GENTLEMEN".., and I use this term loosely!! Please sneak into your mothers kitchen,steal the cooking oil, go to your room, lock the door, and find a more appropriate web site to calm your enthusiasm!!! (Guys.., I could post a few of those helpful and distracting sights here, but,I'd surely be banned..so "HAPPY HUNTING!!!!!").

To the "LADIES"..Most of you "couldn't hold a candle" to the wit, humor, and creative sarcasm of my good friend Grapie. She truly is a lovely girl. My advice to you is this..Go to the make-up counter of your local department store,..(buy some of that stuff and use it),..and take some lessons in female charm, humor, and compassion. If you combine those three lessons, you may find a "sense of humor".

Our EC Friend Grape is a fantastic person. Please respect her.

To my good friend Grape; I hope to come and try surfing the beaches of Vietnam someday while your family watches on and laughs at me. My "comedic middle finger" will be seen from the sea foam as I fall off that board!!!! lolll

There you go "PEOPLE"...That's what true EC friendships are made of.

To all of you on this sight, please know that I have the deepest and most profound respect for all of you and the political or religious situations that may be happening in your own neck of the woods (country). I am an American pain in the (you know what) at times. Humor and sarcasm from different countries (and my own)makes my day. At times, I show up in public chat and make a funny or "not so funny" comment and can't respond to everyone. For that, I'm truly sorry. These fingers just can't type fast enough. I do think about and try to respond with the appropriate response. Sometimes I win. Sometimes I lose. Life.......! Please note; I really do like and care for all of you. My skin is thick and the vast majority of EC Members make me really laugh. My own arrogance and stupidity always seems to get thrown right back at me. That really makes me smile. Peace Out!