Listen to my story...

Listen,

But do not be merciful to me

because a mercy cause weakness, and I am still strong in my misery (My Story--Khalil Gibran)

wonderful.....it was written in a perfect way

Late at night, the clockwise moved in the heartbeat rhythm.

my eyes still dry, reading couldn't make them tired and closed.

I put my book on the bench beside my bed, drowsiness evaporates

The memories Flashed,........

To the time when everything was so wonderful, words became so meaningful, even a faint smile on our lips was so amazing....  

the time, when nothing could stop us laughing, everything out from our mouth was making our hearts blooming....

and the time suddenly stopped

Frozen, sore innumerable, bitter than bitter....

Where were the wonderful time flies?............

----------- 

Back to my bed, try to read one more paragraph, expel my restless, 

but still couldn't find the answer to my question..

Where were the feelings gone away, blowing like  a wind 

I wonder what are you doing there in this time? under the same sky and the same moon...

Bang!!! 

something hit my awareness, why did you think of something unattainable and ignore all you have already handheld?

I let ignorance destroy the happiness that came by. I took deep breath and exhaled slowly

People found love, people felt in love, people lost their love, happened every day

smiling, laughing, and then crying, smile again, laugh again and cry again like  a cycle of life

There were no reason to stop believing, why should we afraid of falling, if we always wanted to climb to get everything we are dreaming of.

Yes, I decided to take the chance, try to get happiness, climb the highest mountain called hope to find love, and when everything seems not to me, why should I mourn?

People suffer from the biggest misery, they survived, why small matter called love drawn me so deep? 

I decided to give only a faint of tears for love and wake up to catch the biggest dream of life.

-------

almost morning, when I hit the hay, and sleep like a baby, I want to sleep and healing, I want to forget and decide to be happy with myself

This is a time to smile again and laugh again, after those faint tears last night. 

Your love takes me on a wonderful journey, make me laugh, you are a great gift, God has sent you to teach me a precious lesson even only in a short moment, from you I learn about hidden paradise that I have never seen before, you teach me how to express myself, it is wonderful to feel loved by you, thank you for everything

but life goes on, even for the broken hearted--lol   

----

If we love,

our love is not from us, nor it is for ourselves

If we rejoice,

Our joy is not within us, but in life itself

If we suffer,

our pain does not lay in our wounded, but the nature of conscience

(My Story, Khalil Gibran)

Morning....

Every morning, I'm grateful, one day has passed

oh my Lord, 

Each time I will sleep, I'm grateful, one day will pass again

oh my Lord,

The more days that I passed, the closer I am to the mother who gave birth to me,  the mother who will hug me... back as a precious one and the mother who will wait at the door, crying, hugging, crying, hugging, hugging....embracing me with love....

Every time  I'm waking up, I'm dreaming........

Night......

Suddenly I missed my mother, but now I couldn't speak, couldn't hear her soft voice pampering, 

It's been three months, I took her to the last place, I left her alone, I didn't want to....but time for her to take an eternal rest, 

And, I was crying, for the first time since I left her or She left me, I didn't know, I felt supremely agonizing longing,

smothering,........ 

It was getting late, I didn't know exactly what time, I've been several times to sleep and have been several times awake, I felt her, smelled her faint scent

I was crying, speaking with her in the silent, begging…begging…begging for a chance, one chance to have her back

I was freezing, no words were coming out from my mouth, His story made me feel quiet torture

He asked me to write the story about his loss, I was amaze for a second, I felt his loss,

" I'll try," I wanted but doubt at the same time

Finally, I wrote this story, dedicated to my friend who lost his mom 3 months ago, my deepest condolences for your loss...

and I dedicated for all sons and daughters, mother is holding a dove but also tigress, soft but also firm, love with all heart and never hate..

Now I wanna see my mother, spend more time with her, hear her laughing, see her smiling, share my story, and say I love her every day, before it's late, before all turn into regret...

"I love you mom, no doubt".......

" You have no brain..." he said
I was speechless, no words came out from my mouth.
suddenly, the day turned into a gloomy Weather, smile disappeared from my face. It was the most humiliating moment in my whole life.
"I thought you were my friend" my text made me sound more stupid.

For hours, I believed that I was such a stupid girl, with no brain at all.
Do you believe that the words can give you a huge impact, especially when it comes from a trusted friend.

Now I recovered, I realized people changed, 

I have had a new perspective about a relationship, about how to treat other properly, and took a great lesson from the sentence above.

It was not important how smart or how stupid you are, how rich or poor you are, how crazy you are, how beautiful or ugly you are, A true friend will accept whatever you are...just accept you without any hesitation, without any doubt.

we were only human with good and bad side of us, A true friend will correct our mistake in one way or another. they would not judge you, wouldn't make a fun of you, they would tell you the truth event it's bitter but never humiliated you.

People made a mistake it doesn't mean they all have no brain.I made a mistake once, maybe I would make another mistake, but I believe I would learn something from it.

I believe I would find my true friend, maybe someone with no brain either, so we could laugh together freely, but I hope they have a big heart who could accept me whatever I would be............

Because I only have a heart to share a happiness, hands to hold each other, a shoulder to cry on....and a brain if you ask for it....I'm not so sure .......

NB: @Tintin, Thanks sis for our short conversation.

Enjoying an afternoon in the concrete jungle, in a corner of the crowded Thamrin street, strain of music anesthetized my ear and mind for a moment.

Hmmmmm..... almost every day I spent the late afternoon at this cafe, waiting for the traffic jam to unravel. 

Jakarta,.... crowded road, for suburban people like me it's better to find a nice and comfortable shelter before I struggle to reach home....

Light bulbs entertaining......Jakarta becomes a city of light when the night comes 

"What am I to you" by Norah Jones softly seduced my eyes, I forgot my long way ring road to home for a while....

At 20.00 pm, time to move my lazy body, straight to home, imagine my cozy bed waiting for me.. crowded less, I penetrate jammed, drive carefully on a drizzling night.  

As a capital city of Indonesia, Jakarta is a magnet which attracted people from various parts of Indonesia to come and tempt their fate

Jakarta is offering glorious and sore in every part of it.

I'm not a cynical person, but every day I see people struggle for a rupiah to survive their life, when other spent a million only for nothing

Crazy traffic jam, annual flooding ( LOL we celebrate the flood every year like celebrate my birthday party), pollution, big population that's a few problem which burden our city government.

Discrepancy becomes a media consumption to increase circulation and rating, Hahaha... now I become a social observer, it's a bitter reality. 

Noisy Jakarta, I left behind, the city that I love most, the place where giving me the opportunities, chasing my dreams, raise a better quality of life as a human, teaching me how to be a survival without losing my humanity.

I live in a suburb of Jakarta, quiet and peaceful place, in a small house filled with loving and caring person.

My dad is a journalist and my mom is a full-time housewife, l am sharing their love with my four brother, I am the youngest daughter,.......hmm it so easy to become their sweet heart, my life is full of joy.. 

And now almost midnight, I still sit in my backyard, surrounding by my mom's blooming flowers, breathe a faint scent of roses, I'm enjoying the moment and feel so fortunate.

happiness is as simple as a smile in your face, and I want to share it here......

Note: Thamrin is a name of a protocol street in Jakarta

       Rupiah is Indonesian Currency

Mr. Bob I try to write this story in my own style and my personal point of view. I hope it could describe the place where I live in.

thank you for encouraging me.... 

Today, one of my friend come to my office, an old friend from my childhood.

Ruby...She is my best friend even though we are not communicate too much we have never lost contact

"I miss you Ratu, we haven't met each other for 3 months"

Owh...3 months?? I remember the last time when we met each other was last September, we were arguing about something, then we were stop talking.

I feel so much guilty because  I have never thought about Ruby, I almost forget her, I have been immersed in the bustle, hffff.... how bad I am as a friend.

She asks me to go out and I say yes. Ruby so calm, speaks less, so do I. 

"why we are ignoring each other for so long?" Her voice broke the odd silence

" I'm not  ignoring you" my voice lost the power

Inside our heart, we both admit that, something lost in our friendship.

"sorry I was embarrassing him" finally its come out from her mouth

I look at her eyes, I see her sincere remorse..

"There's nothing to be sorry Ruby, it was over and you were right" 

There is a warm feeling when I see a smile on her face, 

I was wrong about Ruby, it was a terrible mistake, it was not jealousy it was the true affection between best friend, and I was too dumb to realize...

I give her my smile, come from my heart,....

"I know Ratu,...just give me a hug, my little sister is back"

No need a raw of poetic words or a bunch of flowers, or a nice and sweet card to express our friendship, smile remove all resentment among us.

Ruby is the best sister...my true friend, my Best Friend Forever...

Note: HAPPY BIRTHDAY DEAR RUBY..

  It's special for you, Wish all your dreams come true...

After  a busy office hour, exhausting busyness.

all that I want is a cup of coffee....and a cup of black coffee is the perfect companion..

There is a small and cozy coffee shop near my office, my delightful secret place....only 10 minutes walking from here. In this small and cozy place, I can enjoy the best coffee served in the best way

I come into the coffee shop, and walk to my favorite table, under the obsolete poster which contain a line of poet, near the window, facing the street...perfecto!!

I love this small place, for a melancholic person like me this place save a lot of memories, the place not changed too much, the chairs and the tables looks darker, walls and posters looks more dull, and the poster contain a verse of poet still mounted on the wall above my favorite table.

a cup of coffee served.....

Bitter memories flashed..

The memories of a girl with beautiful eyes and the last time we were here, the time cannot be forgotten.

"I want to forget you," the girl said

She closed the conversation and left me,  clockwise as immovable

There was only me with a half cup of coffee, and the coffee turned into a bitter taste ever, I was feeling so empty.

crowded road outside, people was passed away, sound of the horn, but I felt so quiet inside the shop.

I turned on cigarette, inhaled slowly while sipped my coffee.

the ringing phone interrupted my reverie, disenchant me into reality.

Sky is dark and empty when I come out of the shop, but the emptiness in my heart is exceeding...

Maybe tomorrow or the day after I will come again here, to feel the bitter memory..again and again until I cant feel it anymore...

To forget you is the hardest part, but I believe the time will heal the wounds.

Sitting alone in my cubicle..hearing the sound of the rain, and the music accompanies me as though understanding that I do not want to be disturbed.

Rain .....brings a magical atmosphere for me, sadness is so drowned.....

Have you ever felt the grief is so hard to leave you? the sorrow is hugging you so tight....even though you try to escape from it.... It's following your step...haunting you whenever you close your eyes..

I walk slowly towards the window...trying to find something that is able to repel my sadness. sitting on my couch,  start to read La Tahzan (wrote by Aidh b A Alqarni).. the book that I haven't wanted  to touch.......I hope to find a great sentence to wake me up from the nightmare...

I have lost you, but I don't want to lose my life too...your love is precious, but my life is more...........

I close the book, trying to find my own answer...I have lost but not yet dead

small faint smile on my lips, little burden lifted, I take a deep breath, reach my laptop and start writing....

hhhhaaaahhh!!!! I am alone but not lonely......

TADDDDAM MY FIRST BLOG....