ESL Blogs

 Short Jokes

 The Perfect Son. A: I have the perfect son. B: Does he smoke? A: No, he doesn't. B: Does he drink whiskey? A: No, he doesn't. B: Does he ever come home late? A: No, he doesn't. B: I guess you really do have the perfect son. How old is he? A: He will be six months old next Wednesday.

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 Girl: You would be a good dancer except for two things. Boy: What are the two things? Girl: Your feet. Submitted by Bob Waldman

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 A family of mice were surprised by a big cat. Father Mouse jumped and and said, "Bow-wow!" The cat ran away. "What was that, Father?" asked Baby Mouse. "Well, son, that's why it's important to learn a second language." Submitted by BH LEE

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 My friend said he knew a man with a wooden leg named Smith. So I asked him "What was the name of his other leg?" (Try this one with your students the next time you are teaching a lesson that includes this type of grammer.)

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 The doctor to the patient: 'You are very sick' The patient to the doctor: 'Can I get a second opinion?' The doctor again: 'Yes, you are very ugly too...' I use this joke for retelling in reported speech. Submitted by: Adriana Luchetti

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 A man goes to the doctor and says, "Doctor, wherever I touch, it hurts." The doctor asks, "What do you mean?" The man says, "When I touch my shoulder, it really hurts. If I touch my knee - OUCH! When I touch my forehead, it really, really hurts." The doctor says, "I know what's wrong with you - you've broken your finger!" Submitted by Sean McLoughlin

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 Patient: Doctor, I have a pain in my eye whenever I drink tea. Doctor: Take the spoon out of the mug before you drink. Submitted by: Irene Pellegrini

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 Patient: Doctor! You've got to help me! Nobody ever listens to me. No one ever pays any attention to what I have to say. Doctor: Next please! Submitted by Marco Morales, Mexico

**  Two boys were arguing when the teacher entered the room. The teacher says, "Why are you arguing?"

One boy answers, "We found a ten dollor bill and decided to give it to whoever tells the biggest lie."

"You should be ashamed of yourselves," said the teacher, "When I was your age I didn't even know what a lie was."

The boys gave the ten dollars to the teacher.

(Use as an example of a sexist joke.) Submitted by Tomoyuki Noda from Japan