ESL Blogs

On my challenge about inventions, one of my EC friends, Rahul Wazir, wrote: “If I were an inventor, I would design a device recording pets’ thoughts.” His idea sounded very interesting for me as I have always loved pets and always wanted to know what they think about us. Besides, I have always been interested if they react to the words or just intonations, if they “understand” different languages. So, this blog is for those who love pets!

When I just joined EC I posted a few blogs about my pets. Now, we have a dog (Jenny, a golden retriever of about 3 years old), four cats Anastasia (Stacy), Mary, Kuzya and Bux and a parrot Rocky.  For you to understand their conversation, I will tell a little about our pets.

I think it is needless to say anything about the dog. Like all dogs, Jenny is very kind, loving, loyal and friendly. She loves people and other animals. But all four our cats are very different.

Stacy is a spoiled, arrogant and very independent female of about 6 years old.

Mary (black one) is the oldest and the smartest. She is affectionate and friendly with people and other pets. Kuzya is a 7 year old Mary’s daughter. She is very interesting! On the one hand, she is playful and very affectionate, but on the other hand, she is very shy and apprehensive. She loves only her mother, my wife and our dog. She is very friendly with Jenny and often goes out for a walk with her to play or just to enjoy her company. But if she sees a stranger at home, she immediately hides under the couch.

Bux is our youngest, a male. He is one year old and is still growing. He is fat, lazy and a little infantile.  Our parrot is about 40.

He is very smart, but so uncultured! He swears all the time and uses such dirty slang I would never dare to speak to myself! When my wife bought him, he already swore like a trooper and it was impossible to wean him from that bad habit. Now, you should know that our family is international and multilingual and our pets are from different countries. Jenny and Stacy are “American”. They were born and raised here. Rocky seems to be “American”, too as he speaks American. But three other cats are “Ukrainian”. Besides, you should know that Ukraine and Russia have been fighting for the part of the Ukrainian territory for a few years.

So first of all, I’d like to guess what my pets think and talk about.

Jenny (happily rushing all around): “What a great day! Let’s take a walk! Our dad will take us out!”

Mary (lying on our bed): “What do you mean, Sister? As a matter of fact, I can open the door for you to go out if you like. But why to go out, to walk, to soil our paws and to have them washed while we have a nice bed of our parents to lie in and to enjoy our leisure?”

Jenny (jumping): “I enjoy having a shower!”

Stacy (lying on our bed): “You are crazy! We can do without it! Just lick yourself over!”

Bux (lying on our bed half asleep): “You may be right, but why not to lick me, girls?”

Jenny: “Licking instead of being showered?!No, it is not Ok with me! I like my dad’s making a bath for me every night!”

Bux: “As a matter of fact, whom do you call our DAD? It is quite interesting.”

Jenny: ” Buxy, it is a man who takes me out, plays with me, washes, wipes and drys me every day, who loves us all.”

Stacy: ”Really? I thought he were our servant filling our bowls in the morning and opening the doors when we want to go out and come in. Is he our dad indeed?”

Kuzya (lying on our bed): “Stacy, you should have known, he raised you! I adore my mom and if she chose us a dad, I love him, too.”

Bux (turning on his back half asleep): “Now, we turn out to have a full family, DAD and MOM! And I wondered why our servants sleep in our bed! Stacy, like you I thought a woman who brushes me were my housemaid!

Stacy: ”You shut up, aliens. Nobody needs your opinion! Kuzka, just SHOO under the couch!”

Mary (very quietly): “Hehehe! Let me see who is an alien here. All three of us have international passports given by the same country, our homeland Ukraine. We can travel all over the world without any problems. Our sister Jenny has an American passport as well as our parents. She is free to live in any country she likes. But what about you, dear? You have no passport at all! We don’t even know whom we deal with!”

Stacy (sounding aggressive and getting off the bed): “Oh, I am speechless! I am a Russian Blue, very pure-bred, for you to know!”

Mary (getting a little frustrated but still lying): “You have just said it! You are Russian! What are you doing in our Ukrainian-American family? Who is the alien here? Look here, either you accept our rules and our parents or…… Wonna start the war?”

Bux (still lying half asleep): “And you remember, the only one male in this family is not on your side.”

Rocky (flying around): “War, war, war! At last, no one will say I swear like a trooper! Buxy, as a matter of fact, I am a male, too and I will keep your side!”

Stacy (putting her tail between her legs and walking away): “Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr!”

Mary (getting off the bed): “Well, my friends, it’s time to celebrate our victory! Let’s take a walk, get some fresh air, let's love our parents as they make our lives so comfortable and let's not mind their washing us before going to bed. We are a great team!”

Jenny (rushing to the door): "Hurrah!"

Everyone except Bux followed Mary to the back yard.

Bux (10 minutes later, going to sleep): “And what about me? Who will lick me over?”

Well, I have told you this story to show one more way of using the direct speech and to make you smile. I’d also like to tell about pets’ reaction to different languages, but this blog seems to be too long. So,

                                  …….to be continued……