As chinese proverb, "spare the rod, spoil the child" , most elder parents do not doubt it make sense.
However, as the times change, more new problems show up with the crude methods of education. In view of this situation, people have to pay more attention on these new education problems, in particular, the educators. So, must we do punish to children for helping them tell from the so-called right and so-called wrong? If you ask me, my point is the appropriate punishment even including physical punishment is necessary.
Before I start my argument, please let me tell a story first. Long long time ago, in fact, when I was a pupil of Fifth Grade in elementary school. I had a bad manners of biting my finger nails and I knew that it was harmful to my health and I should quit, epescially, after my mother took a lot of examples to explain why it is bad habits. But, it was difficult for me to quit and I still bit my nails unconsciously. Being Difficult of quiting a habit is the same with most of people even adults.Anyway, telling sense didn't work so that my mother beat my hands when she found I was biting, in order to impress me with forbiding of biting nails . Unfortunately, I had a tough bad habit, finally, my morther covered my finger nails all with gentian violet as a physical and mental punishment. The end of thise stroy, I will never bite my nails and I thanks my mother when I ever bring it in mind.
Could we learn some from this real story? By all means, I don't mean that punishment is the only effetive way to help children correct their mistakes, it needs depent on different situations or/and a variety of characteristic children.Just in general, punishment works well apparently.
How could I articulate that punishment works well in general? Personally,I think that here three reasons can support my argument probably.
First, most parents love their children (except so extrem and special situations) and they know how to deal with punishment is better. I do believe they won't do so serious physical punishiment that it would be harmful to their children's health, and appropriate physical punishiment impress children on wrong and right things and also prevent children from more serious bad things in future.
second,most children love their parents(except extrem charateristic children) and they will forgive their parents who punish them for love. Though children was punished by their parents, they would know that all parents' expectations were good for them in one day, sooner or later. Being threaten with punishment, children learnt to tell difference from wrong and right, build good mannars , act with appropriate way, live with positive attitude and so on and so forth. Some people may bring forth opposition that 'wrong'and 'right','good ','appropriate', are all so-called and those what parents told us and taught us are their way to think and live and may inhibit the development of our own characteristics.
I totally agree with that point, but I must remind a little bit. Don't you really think that children could know their really needs and what is the special good way for them without any basic knowledge. More precisely, it is easily to stray away from the path which you want to reach without knowing the general or special choices, especially, when you are anxious to look for and not calm enough to comtemplate more.The answer, I think, is no. So, punishing seems a little crude, especially physical punishment, but is totally better than regreting for the stupid action because of being spoiling by your parents.
The last but not least, we need to admit that oral eduation does not usually work well,and other new ways to educate may not work and also take other negtive effects at the same time. Like my story said, I knew my mother was right while I had to quit my bad habit, but I couldn't and the oral education failed. In addition, some parents reward privilege to encourage children do the right things.That's a good idea, and children could through the positive rewards impress the right things so that parents could get the expected achievments.Whereas, the negtive effects is getting into the habits of doing right things for rewarding or with rewarding. That is not good, they should know they have responsibility to do right things and they are may well be punished if doing the wrong things in society.
All my points are below, I think right way to punish is still worth attemping.
Comments
first, thanks you all for sharing opinions.
When I write this essay, I really consider a lot~ I tried my best to recall the real feeling when I was child. I totally agree with LARISA said "life turned out to be the best teacher", but this teacher does not turn out in time, right? May be too late when this teacher showed up.
I do not mean that punishment is first choice, and want express that it should be a option as other ways to educate children.
APPROPIATE way and APPROPRIATE time to punish are important.
After all, I do not want to be a nagging mother nor a violent mother. hehe~
Do not extremly or overdo punishment.
Hi, Larisa!
Thanks for your comment in return!
Even these disciplinary actions in UK can't be done without parent's agreement & support, because many parents actually are against this disciplinary action while other parents gladly agree to it.
Regarding to the verbal punishment, it definitely works to the younger children but not to the older one unfortunately. Even this verbal punishment, the parent's influence is absolute & paramount in need, so without this, teachers can't discipline the children well as like what really expected to be.
Yes, surely the teachers in Korea are more respected than any others. If they are not, they won't get the good results of their studies because they are eager to enter the good school, the best school (even Junior School, Hight School & University). So these children can't deliberately do such terrible things what the western children are doing.
Honestly speaking, I remember we used to be smacked many times within the group by our teachers at the Junior & High School because we didn't do what we supposed to do or what we were told to do in studying, and none of us complained these teacher's punishments done to us, but importantly we always appreciated their teachings at the end in respect, as we all expressed our gratitudes to our teachers at the end of the each year when we finished our years & also finally graduated with our good results, which we never twe couldn't make with them.
James, the situation in UK you described is the same in my country nowadays. But it was different in the former USSR. The teacher was a respected person and could take disciplinary actions but not physical punishment. But parents did.
We are sure must teach our children lessons. I'm for using verbal punishment. And we, parents, must do it together with teachers. But the parents' influence should paramount.
And thanks for sharing information about your Korea. After reading your post I've read about schools and punishment in your country. I've known the teachers are very respected there and they're called the builders of nation. But is it true that punishment can be done before the whole class, and even the class is punished because of one person? A pupil is punished for doing his homework bad, or getting a bad mark. It's so strict.
You are right about advantages and disadvantages in this issue. There's still a lot to discuss.
It might humiliate children, but what is the best thing for children?
This said punishment is actually for a price of a wrong doing. If they do the right thing, there wouldn't be any punishment at all. Even though they did the right thing, if they were punished, then this may cause a real humiliation for children. If so, then I couldn’t agree more with you. However, if not, what do you do? Do you still have to praise him, saying ‘do it again!’? To me, it sounds like it though.
Yes, perhaps the punishment doesn't necessarily teach some of them as a lesson, but statistically, taking its punishment as a lesson is much higher than you think. If you look at the Far East (especially China, Japan & Korea), we most of us have been growing up within this kind of environmental cultures.
Do you think all the children will learn the lesson by watching the adults or their parents or their teachers? And also how many of us as parents do the right things at home these days, as exemplary parents for their children?
I don't think there are many, the most worst cases in UK have frequently been reported in the media, are the incidents caused by the children/students (even in the primary schools), as they know there is no a single firm or restrict authority in the school enabling to stop them. This has been proved itself, because they don't listen to their teachers, even they swear towards their teachers but the teachers can't do anything about it, and they even hit their teachers or parents because the children know that teachers parents can't do anything about it even if they did a worst thing ever to their teachers, and they know the law would protect the children in UK, not teachers nor parents but children only.
In UK you are neither even allowed any verbal punishment/harassment, nor any physical contact. If you did any unusual things accidentally or unconsciously to the children, you will be summoned onto the court. So these days no one dares to challenge any wrong doing of their children at home or at school, as we can’t say things to the children anymore at the street where you often see their misbehaviours, because it’s now a ‘Mind your own business’ unfortunately.
Of course, there are some advantages & disadvantages in both, but it's a question of which one is the best option for our children, and it will be the individual choice at the end, it's because these two practises have been still coexisted at home (but at school) even if it's illegal.
Children often bite their nails to release the stress or just feeling shy. It is a bad habit, the so-called "nervous habit" but not the result of bad behaviour. My son also had it. I stopped him every time I saw it, tried to explain it was not good. But life turned out to be the best teacher. He caught stomatitis. You know it's an awful disease in the mouth. He's about 18 now but still remembers his experience!
Hi, Idealist!
Thanks for bringing this topic here, as I have my own children & brought them up within the principle of the necessary punishment for good & better!
I couldn't utterly agree more with you, as what you said is absolutely right. So practically speaking, this practise is still possible in the east but it has been illegal in the most advanced countries in the West. It has been illegal not only at home but also at school, as the fact is that the parents & the teachers have no authority to bring up their children nor the students these days anymore like the old days. Therefore, the most important thing I could think of & we need to reconsider is to bring this authority back to life, as it's a crucial question of the authority in need & for better, who should have this authority in this respect.