This is my second attempt in writing a blog based on Expector's Writing Challenge. I was not too happy with my previous blog; A Weathered Old Lady which I think I didn't answer the challenge properly.
The bespectacled, studious, reed-thin young man was so absorbed in his writing that he seemed totally oblivious to the fact that the balmy weather was turning into one big, vicious thunderstorm. He has been writing non stop since that day. It was like his very existence depended on him finishing the untold and gripping story. Once in a while he would comb his tousled, wavy hair with his fingers.
Suddenly, he stopped. It was like his full attention was jerked out of him. His body became erect and alert. His blurry, red eyes swept through his surrounding. It was as if he just noticed the bare, small white room with a double-bed tucked in the corner. He took a deep cleansing breath and exhaled deeply. His body became relaxed. He took off his slightly askew glasses and rubbed his tired reddish eyes.
He closed his thick, black, nondescript note book and caressed it gently and lovingly with his fingers. He knew he had finished writing the story of that beautiful, gentle departed soul of the old lady with the piercing eyes. He was relieved.
Slowly he stood up and walked to the small, rectangular, wooden, two-leafs window in front of him. He looked towards the stormy, rough sea. It was churning big powerful waves which pounded the beach. The big, vicious thunderstorm had abated and all he could hear was their rumbling echoes from the distant.
He was not sure when he would write the beautiful yet painful memoir of the old lady into his computer. He was not even sure he would send it to his editor and get it published. But he was glad that he found his long lost Grandmother against all odds and against all objections from his parents.
This blog is dedicated to Luci for making me hide behind the big, beautiful Christmas tree. To Mr. Bob who is trying his best to show and guide me through my many mistakes. And last but not least, to Expector Smith for making me think harder. Expector, I hope I did a little bit better than my previous blog. LOL. Thank you guys. I really appreciate it. :) :)
Comments
LOL MWR .... the story is finished. No more 'to be continued' to next seasons. :-P
P/S I'm sure your Grace knows who you are. :D
OHMY Anele. You watched too many gangster movies. LOL. As for my brain storage, trust me, I think it's shrinking by the seconds. LOL. Thanks for your sweet words, by the way.
You are perfectly, absolutely, incredibly, amazingly, undoubtedly correct, Noas! You are practising your written skill by writing long blogs while I am practising my written skill by writing long comments, hihihi!
I got the idea of "disposing you" from the gangster movies. When a group suspected its member as knowing most of its operation, that group would try to dispose him or else that group would be put into danger.
In your case it was the other way around. More of teasing than taking the words seriously or literally. "You seem to know so much" because whenever you write something, I always chill off and can't help but wonder what kind of brain do you have! It looks like a great storage where Einstein, Plato, Bill Gate, Beethoven, Gandhi, and Galileo's brains are hidden! GOSH!
OHMY! OHMY! OHMY! Anele .. to be disposed from EC? :( :( ... LOL ..
You know what? It's really amazing that all those hidden vocabularies that you learnt while reading and tucked somewhere in your brain collecting dust suddenly will popped up when you start writing. This what is happening to me nowadays. I didn't realise that those elusive words were hiding, until when I'm writing and they will peeked from the corner of my brain.
I hope with writing, I will be using more of those hidden treasures.
Wow you did a great research for those descriptive words, eh? Adjectives do wonders and miracles especially when writing a story. They add colours and make your story very exciting to read.
You really are a great writer, Noas. You should be disposed of secretly because you know a lot already, hehehehe!
Thank you Expector Smith for the explanation.
@noasl
The sentence sounds better now. Let's talk about "adjectives with and", which can be so tricky.
1. When the adjectives come in "predicative" position (after "be", "seem", and similar verbs), you usually put "and" before the last one:
--She was lovely, beautiful and smart.
2. When the adjective come in "attributive" position (before a noun), "and" is not often used:
--an angry young man (not "an angry and young man")
3. However, "and" is possible in some cases:
--a nice (and) wonderful day
--a black and white TV set
--a concrete and glass building
--a political and social issue
You're an advanced learner, so you could read more about "adjectives with and". Good luck!
Hi AReality. Thank you for your nice words. I really appreciate it.
Hi Expector Smith. Thanks for guiding me through the challenge especially my first attempt. I've asked from T Mal and Tom about the sentence that you pointed out and it seems the only mistake was the word 'dependant'. However, I am not too sure about the usage of 'and' in front of the noun.
Wow! I'm gald you gave it a second try. It sure is better than the first one. I really enjoyed the story.
Re correction: Can you fix this sentence "It was like his very existence dependant on him finishing the untold and gripping story."?
By the way, be careful when you're trying to use "and" with adjectives which are used in front of a noun.
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