A SAD DEATH has occurred. It is with a heavy heart that I announce the passing of “th”, formerly a popular and well-loved sound. It formed two-thirds of the word “the”, one of the world’s most frequently spoken words. At the time of death, “th” was more than 800 years old.

Born in Germany as part of the Anglo-Saxon language, it became globally popular after it crossed into English, which then became the world language. People in almost every country in the world regularly used it in words such as “thump” and “thickie” and “threesome” (France only).

Its demise was caused by the fact that there were always hold-out groups who spoke English without this sound.

Londoners used “f” instead, saying, “Fank you very much.”

Singaporeans and Irish used “t” instead, saying “Tanks for tinking of me.”

Residents of Jamaica used “d” as in: “Dis de las’ time I say dis, mon.”

Europeans used “z” in its place, as in: “Zat ees ze beegust one ah ever saw.”

Now linguists say the number of speakers of “th”-free English has overtaken the number of original English speakers.

With “th” is no longer standard, it is likely to spiral into oblivion, reports the Independent newspaper of London.

The world’s top expert on English, Professor David Crystal, says “th” could disappear entirely from ALL forms of English within two generations.
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This news caused consternation in my circles. Many members call ourselves interleckchuals, and some can even spell it.

We attempted to have a conversation without the “th” sound.

“I don’t tink it will be a problem. Dis is not dat difficult to follow, is it?” said the woman sitting opposite me. (It helped that she once lived in Singapore.)

I said: “De problem is dat after talking like dis for a while, you feel like a gangster from 1940s Hollywood, your troat begins to trob, and you get da urge to wear a trilby and carry a violin case.”
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We reckoned that the phrase that will suffer the most was: “This, that and the other,” which will become: “Dis, dat and de udder.”
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The unluckiest word is “thirteenth” which will become “turteent.” The words “thither” and “thenceforth” will become unpronounceable, but no one will miss them.
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Four sentences to avoid when the “th” sound disappears.

1) “I cut the pie into three and gave him a third” will sound like:

2) “I will take a blood sample by stabbing your thumb” will sound like:

3) “He was arrested for stroking her thigh,” will sound like:

4) “I loathe Pokemon” will sound like

Scriptwriters trying to write in English with no “th” sounds will have a challenge.

To set you up for the new era, try translating the following speech into normal English.
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