ESL Blogs

I lied. I lied to you when I said I am not in love. I lied that I do not feel it. I faked it, and never put the real feeling in front of you. Don’t know, whether it was lack of courage or lack of understanding. What so ever it was, it was a blunder for sure. A blunder which has no redemption, it has only consequences.

In the walk of life, I met people and I lost them. They came like a day and went like a night. I can not remember them, because my memories are pre occupied by you. Everything, every place, everyone is fade in memories, except your laughs and the moments I spent with you. Moments that can make in laugh, even in the worst situations of life.

Those who know me, they say “move on, it was past”. For them what lies ahead is a future. A future where there are possibilities of happiness. A future having the remedies for the past wounds. A future where there is hope.

Hope! The most beautiful thing ever made by the almighty. The hope that I saw in your eyes. I lost the battle of love because I was in despair. I did not believe myself, or you. But you were confident as usual. Your faith was immense so was your will. I shattered those dreams, because I was weak. I let you down.

I have a picture of yours. You are looking beautiful. You are smiling in it. Your cheeks got 2 dimples, their symmetry is the proof that god is the biggest artist and he gave special attention to you. Your eyes are glowing, and you are looking directly in to my eyes. Those eyes are asking some questions. And I have no answers for those questions.

I do not want to move on. I want to see your pictures. I want to remember the past. I want to laugh on those happening. I want to feel your feelings. And finally I want to make myself realize the fiasco. I want to regret on it. I want to punish myself. This is the way, it should happen.

I may look like a pessimist. But that is a game of perception. I see optimism when I see you. For me you are the hope and I want to stick to the hope. I know you are not with me, but the moments you spent with me are sufficient to ignore the small trifles of daily life.

I do not want to gamble in future. I want to go into the past again, because it was beautiful. If I would move on, I will lose you. I do not want to repeat the mistakes again want by moving on. I want to say the lines I never said when you were with me. I want to ask for sorry and then to give it a new beginning.

I lost you and I do not know where you are now. But I am trying to find you again. I am optimist here. I know god is punishing me, but he is not that cruel. I have faith in him; I have faith in you and your prayers. I know every genuine question is answered and every sincere prayer is heard.

This is hope for me. This the hope for which I wake up every morning. This is the hope that make me smile even when you are not with me. This is the hope that makes me write the letters. I look forward and wait for you.

Your love.