A REBEL'S REPRISAL

Paralyzed with terror, hands cuffed with rope, tongue tasting dusty ground, boot over the spine and head at gunpoint,his muddy eyes hardly could see his wife helplessly screaming and being raped. He heard a BANG!!, tears rolled from his eyes whereas ground was wet with red.Another man came kicked his guts thrice, yet he could hardly feel the pain.These three abusers happily cherished evil moment as if they were god of terror.The kicker pulled his head, grabbing the hairs to his knees. Next man fired, bullet pierced his chest, he fell down to silence.

That BANG!! was not the end, dust clotted his blood, earth became his medicine,his land couldn't let him go.Three days later,his eyes opened to glance the dead bodies of his wife and son.Eyes were dry,no more tears left, he wanted to crawl towards them but his body was stiff,strength betrayed him. He was hapless, dreadful situation turned him into alive corpse.Six hours gone as corpse, finally he regained some strength, drawing all his remaining power he crawled towards blooded knife left-over  and cut loose the ropes. He cried faintly over his dead family but  there was no one in top of hill and forest  couldn't hear him either. Collecting all the drained power,grunting heavily in pain, he dragged his legs down the hill towards river. But his body was not merciful that day, he fell unconscious as soon he reached the village's gravelled road.

His eyes opened at daylight inside old hut with ragged roof having lot of holes through with light entered peacefully.An old lady gave him some food, treated his wounds but she said there was bullet still inside.Few days after he regained strength,he climbed back the hill dug the grave for his family to rest in evil soil. Fueled with vengeance,driven by his grief he joined the rebel troops to fight against the despotic terror of the landlord and his sons.He trained in rebel camps for few months and learn all the rebel war-fares.After being confident in using guns grenades & bombs, he silently left the camp with some guns and ammunition.

Taking the alternative route through the forest he reached the graveyard of his family by mid-day. Nature was at peace, birds chirping around, soft cool breeze, absolute solitude but his eyes flared with reprisal as if vengeance was inevitable. Faint sounds of screams, cries, struggles, tortures, evil laughs and gunfire haunted his ears and soul.He waited there till sunset, then he climbed below the hill,reached the dark corner in village road then set ambush.He too a high ground and waited like the hawk.Few hours later, a jeep arrived with those three drunken tyrants singing and shouting like whole world was theirs. BOOM!! large explosion, driver died at the steering, one fell off the jeep while other two were howling in pain,with blood inside jeep.The bullet swirled through the air and instantly killed the one outside.Few backfire of bullets they went empty.Now Death came towards them and dragged them up the hill to the graveyard while these two were helplessly begging for their lives.He cuffed  one with ropes and kicked thrice in gut with boots. then his chopped off the hands of rapist in grave of his family.He  shot the cuffed one in his head then pulled the rapist  in his knees  and shot the bullet through his heart.

The rebel fell down to knees,tears rolling in the cheeks, with his hand raised above he stared the sky.Nature was calm, silence was absolute, vengeance came to the end, he realized that his family will not be revived, they will not smile and be proud of him, peace has left him a long time ago and peace will never come back.

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  • Thank you FE for you nice comments

  • unintentional grammar mistakes on your story, I still understand what you want to convey.  Good story.  Keep up writing story.  It's the way to learn English.  

    Congratulations!

  • Yah @ Anne:  I can feel it now.. the story is long and may be most of them didn't even read it.

    How ever I have messed up in lot of places trying to make it more complex, but due to insufficient vocabulary i couldn't translate the ideas in simple form.Its Good idea to break-up the story into two so more people wont feel lazy to read.I see enough spaces for improvements. I will follow your suggestions and try to more better next time.

    To say the fact, I don't count on how many views, only those matters is comments because they are the ones who really read and felt the story.

    I will try to me much better.

    And, I really appreciate all your criticisms and explanations that certainly have helped me to improve my English in may ways. 

    THANK YOU VERY MUCH ANNE.

  • tears rolled from his eyes whereas ground was wet with red.

    .....When we write a story, try to read them again from the point of view of the readers.  Not all readers are smart like you who can just understand a word based from the previous sentences.  

    .....Although I know what you meant by "RED" here, some readers would be pretty confused by it assuming that a poor reader (a learner whose english level is elementary... oh EC has many of them) is reading your story.

    He heard a BANG!! Ground became wet with blood (RED) whereas tears rolled from his eyes (means rapist shot his wife)... 

    Here, it is clear what is RED. Honestly speaking, you should also inject the cause of that BANG because I came to know only that they shot his wife when you wrote it inside the parenthesis.  Remember, his sons are involved here, too. At first, I didnt suspect that they shot his wife.

    My version:

    He heard a BANG!! He could hardly see but he was aware that the ground suddenly turned into a small pool of blood, his wife's precious blood.  Uncontrollable tears rolled down his sunken cheeks making his eyes fuzzier than before.

    *********

    You like reading novels, eh?  I know I have not given you enough tips but I do hope that you learned something from me even within this short session.

    Another tip before I go, most readers don't read automatically when opening a member's blog.  They look at the blog's length first.  Lengthy blogs are often left without a reader.  If your story is too long, you can make a series out of it.

    *******

    I am looking forward to your next blog, Ree!

  • Dear Anne,

    Thanks for the explanation on while & and. I kind of guessed so but i was not sure about that. But now perfectly understood with your examples.

    He heard a BANG!!. Tears rolled from is eyes whereas ground was wet with red. This seems to be inconsistent as well as messy.

    He heard a BANG!! Ground became wet with blood (RED) whereas tears rolled from his eyes (means rapist shot his wife).Another man came and kicked his guts thrice, yet he could hardly feel the pain.These three abusers happily cherished evil moment as if they were gods of terror.The kicker pulled his head,forced him down to knees by grabbing his hair.Next man fired, bullet pierced through his chest, he fell down to silence.

    wow... its an amazing experience. I got my assignment and its my submission.I feel like in pressure of making better story I have made the story more messy and inconsistent.

    But i am really happy with your efforts, explanations, corrections and assignments.I really feel so much happy and encouraged.

    If I have your support surely I will reach my destination.

    Once again! Thank you very much.

  • Hello Reeyaz,

    Wow... you made a very good alteration.  Perfectly done.  Very impressive!

    I changed and to while because of the word "being" denoting that the incident is happening at the same time.  And is used when we add an additional situation.  You can use and but the additional sentence must be consistent with the preceding situation.  Here we are talking about consistency again.

    Example (to simplify)

    1.  His friend is screaming and crying. (screaming and dancing are two similar events) 

    2.  His friend is screaming while being hit.  (while being hit is a dependent clause added to the first independent clause (his friend is screaming) to complete the sentence).  Being hit is part of the first sentence which happened at the same time while his friend was screaming.

    Did I confuse you a lot?  If so, just let me know.  

    Here's another correction:

    tears rolled from his eyes whereas ground was wet with red. (Hmm the highlighted words seem inconsistent again and somewhat incongruent... so what does it got to do with his tears that rolled from his eyes? Change it and connect it with rest of the sentence) Another man came and kicked his guts thrice, yet he could hardly feel the pain.These three abusers happily cherished evil moment as if they were gods of terror.The kicker pulled his head grabbing the hairs to his knees. Next man fired, bullet pierced through his chest, he fell down to silence.

    Let's analyze this sentence:

    The kicker pulled his head grabbing the hairs to his knees.  (Don't you think it's reversed?  One can grab first the hair before (pulling?) pushing  the head down to his knees.)

    Have you seen your assignment?  You can read again to find it... 

    ******

    Thanks for the appreciation.  I have confidence that you will get your goal.

  • @ ANNE: THANK YOU VERY MUCH. YOUR EFFORT IS HIGHLY APPRECIATED. OMG... lot of mistakes in first line,how many are there in whole story..

    However I tried to do it by both ways, changing noun into verbs and vice versa.

    Hands cuffed with a rope, tongue tasting dusty ground, boot over his spine and head at gunpoint, terror paralyzed him.His muddy eyes could hardly see his wife helplessly screaming while being raped.

    Changing the verbs to nouns seem more consistent and thought long series might have made it full of technical errors.This is the best i could come up with.

    Next thing I would like to ask about.. what difference does the And & while make.

    Assignment complete.. Looking for more assignments.

  • My goodness, this is somewhat horrible.  It's like reading one of Sidney Sheldon's novels.  The gory details of your story perfectly created a cinematic view in my mind, haha.  

    After reading this, I was thankful I was not part of it but at the same time couldn't help but wonder how the incident greatly affect and change the victim's perception of a wonderful life.  

    The deplorable state of the man was indeed pitiable that even at the accomplishment of his revenge, he still found himself defeated emotionally and mentally.  (Sigh!)

    *********

    As I promised, here is my correction:

    Paralyzed with terror, hands cuffed handcuffed with rope, tongue (?)tasting dusty ground, boot (?) over the spine and head (?) at gunpoint,his muddy eyes hardly could hardly see his wife helplessly screaming and while being raped.

    (Consistency in grammar makes a sentence readable and properly written.  You began your sentence with a verb "paralyzed (verb)".  Since this is a series, it should be followed by another verb so I changed "hands" to "handcuffed" to make it a verb.)

    Example: (To simplify)

    incorrect:  Nena is writing a letter, reading a poem and drinks a glass of milk.

    correct:  Nena is writing a letter, reading a poem and drinking a glass of milk.

    Let's go back to your sentence: 

    Paralyzed (verb) with terror,  handcuffed (verb) with rope, tongue (noun) tasting dusty ground, boot (noun) over the spine and head (noun) at gunpoint, his muddy eyes hardly could hardly see his wife helplessly screaming and while being raped.  (Can you see the inconsistency?)

    There are two verbs and 3 nouns that created a variation to your sentence.  You have to change the deviation to make it consistent.  Now, which do you think is easier for you, changing the verbs into nouns or vice versa?

    ******

    I'll be back for another correction but please do this assignment that I have given you.  You can either change the verbs into nouns or the nouns into verbs.....  

  • @TINTIN: Sissy, thanks for being always there for me. Its you who encouraged me to go on. I am always inspired by you and your comments.Hope you always be there for me.

    @AREALITY: Thanks for your great appreciation.

    @EXPECTOR SMITH: Thanks you for your support. Its my first blog being featured.i am inspired hope others are too.

  • Excellent writing!

    Sounds like something by an experienced writer - I enjoyed reading the vivid description of the details. You're so good at telling stories. 

    I hope other members here will be inspired to write something like this. 

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