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Do not look for suffering where there is none, or why I do not believe in virtual relationships.

Having been here on EC for several months, I have read many blogs about unshared love, unhappy relationships, about couples or friends who met each other here online and then got married and/or parted. As many people, as many opinions and experiences in life. What I want to write here is only my own point of view. Hardly anyone among us could claim to be in possession of the absolute truth. Neither do I. I am only trying to share my beliefs about a virtual relationship.

We all have needs to love and be loved, and we meet these needs in different ways. Most of us consciously choose a suitable person, based on his/her qualities and actually practiced united experience, and in the previously built relationship, we find the satisfaction of needs for love.

Whereas many satisfy their needs impulsively, without awareness, under the influence of the moment and circumstances, when they get the opportunity to shower someone with their unmet feelings. And communication with a pleasant person on the Internet is the most suitable opportunity for this. You can immediately meet the need for emotional attachment, allowing your imagination to fly freely behind the words of the person.

For a while you feel the satisfaction of your need for love, your feelings inspire you, and you follow them, letting yourself be carried away by hopes and dreams. Unfortunately, the risk of deep and painful disappointments with such an approach is too high because there is still no reliable and healthy basis for happy relationships.

Intense conversations and promises via Skype or chatting, by phone or e-mail give you the illusion that you are already in a real relationship or, as many have said in such a case, that this is “the beginning of something bigger”.

Nowadays information technologies, when one can unlimitedly meet and communicate in the virtual space, the line between the real and the virtual is blurred for many people.

Let's see how the beginning of something bigger differs from virtual fantasies.

Real relationships differ from fantasies in that they always progress, move forward and develop in real life, and not in a virtual environment.

Now a lot of relationships begin their development from a virtual environment into real life.

The beginning of something bigger is a real investment by a couple:

- time: you plan to meet, you organize your meeting, you will spend your time to get to know each other better;

- resources: you spend money on your dates, use your creative potential, sense of humor, abilities.

Love takes time to develop, and even if feelings develop rapidly, it happens when you communicate face to face and not on the computer.

If you are too in a hurry to talk about love, about plans for your future together, about marriage, these topics lose their “holiness” and seriousness. It looks like a child's perception of these topics, when two children in the game indulge in fantasies about the future, not having in mind any consequences or real actions, to achieve this fantasy.

WHAT TO DO

Do not confuse communication with relationships. Do not invest your emotions in a person who you have never met. There are many people on the net in search of their second half, but there are also enough those who are not capable of real actions and satisfied with virtual fantasies.

If a person (usually it is for men) really has an interest and potential, he will find opportunities to meet with you, no matter how far from you he lives.

Until the man has taken real steps, do not focus all your attention on this relationship (unless both of you are looking for this and have a mutual agreement). In most cases, it is fake and has nothing to do with reality. The only thing you will find is suffering where there is none.

Being in love with a virtual fan and replacing real relationships with virtual ones can actually bring more pain than good. It is in your best interest to look at things sensibly, and not to make hasty conclusions about the depth and intensity of chatters’ feelings, until they manifest themselves in real life.

I'd like to wish good luck to all of us, and let’s try to be happy no matter how.

Views: 330

Tags: love, relationships, virtual

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Comment by O. M. on March 23, 2019 at 18:46

Yeah, SNR, great example. When we do not know anything, we tend to invent and attribute qualities to people that they do not have. And then we claim those people to become the exact replica of our image of them. This is where we face the problems of all the recalled traps. Thanks so much for your participation )))

Comment by O. M. on March 23, 2019 at 17:08

Hi, Mr. Right )))

Honest, and to the point. I do agree with you that we love to spend time online, meet new people. We even can call this happiness. and no one doubts that we can even fall for a person we meet here. Only the main idea of our being here is different for everyone. Someone feels happy just from meeting a lot of new people and communicating. Others, without any expectations all of a sudden believe they found someone special. and here the problem is that someone special is only satisfied with his fantasies and doesn't have any intention to go further )). Broken hopes )) Many people fall into a trap of their illusions, as SNR says in her comment )))

Thank you so much, Mr. Right, for your nice and really comprehensive comment. I do agree with many of your words.

Comment by SNR on March 23, 2019 at 14:33

Hey there, 

Rysss has brought a good point here. But no matter which community or society a person belongs to. Even a person who has full freedom to mingle in real life can fall in the trap of virtual relationship. Many events of such kind happened.

Once I watched a  news on TV, a person I don't remember exactly where he was from met a chinese girl on Facebook and they both used to chat n he fell in love. He booked the flight and  reached girl's country and kept waiting on airport for hours and hours as she promised to meet him at the airport.Later airport staff asked that man when they noticed he has been there for many hours. He revealed his story when asked and it became a breaking news. 

Comment by SNR on March 23, 2019 at 14:32

Hey there, 

Rysss has brought a good point here. But no matter which community or society a person belongs to. Even a person who has full freedom to mingle in real life can fall in the trap of virtual relationship. Many events of such kind happened.

Once I watched a  news on TV, a person I don't remember exactly where he was from met a chinese girl on Facebook and they both used to chat n he fell in love. He booked the flight and  reached girl's country and kept waiting on airport for hours and hours as she promised to meet him at the airport.Later airport staff asked that man when they noticed he has been there for many hours. He revealed his story when asked and it became a breaking news. 

Comment by mr right on March 23, 2019 at 5:09

Happiness matters, it is one of our main goals in life so thats why we are always doing our best in order to reach it, being happy in real life makes you feel happy even while you are online, the happiness you have in your real life it even can get those minutes we spend online.
 We all different, it makes more interesting this life thats why some people are capable to enjoy even the virtual time, they can see  the opportunity the net is giving them to reach all the benefits of being online, needless to say that we are on the same page, we all love this virtual time thats why we are reading this good blog then all the comment, so lets be happy, no matter what, no matter if it is virtual or real. 
The moral is """""" love always hurts, no matter if it is online or you find it in your real life"""

Comment by O. M. on March 23, 2019 at 2:24

Hi, Aragon ))

Deep thoughts, wise words. Thank you for your annotation. This is exactly what the blog speaks about. To think and imagine, and to feel and experience. One can choose what is better in any particular case. I liked the Turkish saying)))

Thanks again for such a thoughtful comment.

Comment by Aragon on March 22, 2019 at 19:23

The virtual environment is to think that the rain is raining ... the real environment is to feel and live that the rain is raining on our skin and soul... Virtual is communication... real is relationship... Virtual is imagination... and real is realization ... whichever you choose ... there are different thinking depending on you .... there is no right or wrong ...

There is a saying of Mevlana Celaleddin-i Rumi in Turkish language... "Somewhere beyond right and wrong , there is a garden. I will meet you there..."

Comment by O. M. on March 21, 2019 at 3:02

I am glad to see you commenting on my blog, Satya. Thanks so much for your support )))

Comment by Satya on March 20, 2019 at 17:15

Very much mature and sensible writing. The writer tried to present the reality and i fully support each and every word of the writer.

Comment by O. M. on March 20, 2019 at 14:31

Oh, Luci!!!!! Long time!!!

Thank you so much for dropping by here. Yeah, you got the main point of the blog easily. Virtuality might be really cool and funny, but what matters are people around and real life. Thanks so much for such a brief but valuable recap )))

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