I'm pretty sure that anyone of you will fight for this prestigious scholarship, well so am I. I had invested so much time, money and energy to win this scholarship. I did all the requirement they asked, submitted online, and wrote the essays there. and Alhamdulillah (Thank God) I passed for the first selection session. I could say that this was my big chance to continue to the next level. They informed me that in this year (2017) there were 5327 applications.They just took 600 applications that met the criteria. From those 600 applications, 92 are PhD candidates and 508 are Master candidates, and I was one of the 92. They also informed that from the 92 candidates they need only 45 students. 

Before the selected candidates were interviewed, they had to attended IELTS test in Jakarta or Surabaya for Free. though, not too bad I got band 6.5 for average. Thank God once again. You know, this is the first time for me conducted IELTS test. Then on August 30, 2017 i flew for Jakarta for the interviewed session. well, actually the schedule was on August 31, 2017. I flew a day earlier in order to take rest and prepared physically and mentally to face the examiners. You know, All the tickets (round trip) and accommodation paid by Australian Award Scholarship (AAS) foundation by reimbursement system.

Taraaa...this is it THE BIG DAY. My name was called. I entered a room with two examiners from Indonesia and two from Australia. Well, for PhD candidate, you had to present your research proposal for about 10 minutes followed by discussion. the examiners asked about the detail of the research and some about your jobs. It took 30 minutes. so the total is about 40 minutes. During the interviewed session, I felt very confidence and I guess i could answer all the questions perfectly. But Who knows....

I had to wait for about 3 weeks for the final announcement. I found that I didn't win the scholarship. I got the email, and they gave me a feedback for my research proposal. they encouraged me to improved it and tried to apply again next year.

I felt gloomy, sad, depress, disappointed for a week. It's difficult to accept a reality. I just felt that i had already arranged all the pieces of puzzle but then it's like somebody scattered them on the floor. I could not imagine how i had to start again from the start. But then, I realize,presumably, this is my fate. 

Woman must not to be a single. It will be embarrassing for a family when she gets the age of marriage (let say around 30) but stay single. She'll probably consider as a black-sheep of family. Parents will be pleased to let her daughter marry a bad guy rather than being single and pursue her carrier. Nowadays, in 2016 that thing is real happened in my hometown. That's really dumb I think.

There are lots of judgments for the woman. Trust me, that's really subjective judgmental opinions of people about being single in that age, such as: a "picky" woman, arrogant  one, and she got 'karma'.  The thing is, this superficial thinking are out from conservative ones whose mind are occupied by cultural thing. It's kind of sick with all these people and culture. I totally agree that Culture shapes people. No matter how sophisticated and high educated they are but culture runs to their blood. Do they think is it so pathetic as being a single. 

Haven't they thought or seen from a different point of view?. In this beautiful universe, there are men and women, boy and girl, good and bad, life and death, not to mention MARRIED AND SINGLE. Just accept her as a normal one.It is not her choice to be a single. it is simple, IT'S JUST BECAUSE SHE IS CREATED NOT TO BE MARRIED

My Dad and Mom asked me what i wanna be one day...

When I was 5, I wanna be a clown because he's so cute and funny. 

When I was 12, I wanna be a doctor. Everyone said that a doctor is a sophisticated person.

When I was 17, I changed my mind. I wanna be a flight attendant. Some said that if u were a flight attendant, you would have a chance to have breakfast in London, Lunch in Paris, Dinner in New York in ONE DAY. Wasn't it fascinating?.

But then, what i am now??? a clown  (No, thank God), a doctor (Nope, I am not that sophisticated), a flight attendant (I'm not tall enough, How sad :( !!!). Now I am a lecturer (taraaaa...). Yes, A profession that  has never crossed in my mind before. Life is so mysterious. And Sometimes life doesn't go like the way you planned. Cheer up!!!