rysperski's Posts (26)

How to tell the time

 Oi, folks

Rick’s blog on telling the time evoked in me such an irrefragable desire to make my own mess about telling the time that I decided to put the mess in writing.

The way of telling the time has two main methods – the official one, giving the time of arrivals, departures and other official events which is a 24 hours system. It starts from midnight [00 hours] till the next midnight [24 hours] and it does not partition the day in am and pm [am = ante meridiem – before noon, pm = post meridiem – after noon.

And so, 8 in the morning is 8:00 hrs and 8:00 in the evening is 20:00 hrs, of course, we can give parts of the hour, for example: The meeting will be held at 13:25 hrs on Monday, 2nd of January this year.

The other, less official way of telling the time is based on 12 hours division of the day. This way of telling the time is most commonly used when speaking in everyday routines. It starts from midnight – 00 o’clock [the hour hand of the chronometer is set at number 12 on the clock face] till the digit 6 at the bottom of the clock face, in this partition we use am, for example:”Hey, guys, let’s meet at the pub tomorrow at 10:30 am [at ten thirty or half past ten in the morning/before noon] and have a talk and some beer,”

From the digit 6 to 12 we use pm, for example: „The boss wants us to stay at work today till 7 pm.”

This method of telling the time has some catches in it as there are many ways of telling the same time, for example, when we say the time at full hours, we can say – at two o’clock in the afternoon or in the afternoon at two o’clock sharp.

But that’s not the end of the pitfalls awaiting the time teller, for example:

8:20 am or pm can be:

eight twenty or twenty past eight in the morning/in the afternoon

9:30 am or pm can be:

nine thirty or thirty past nine in the morning/in the afternoon

10:45 am or pm can be:

ten forty-five, a quarter to eleven - we should not say: three quarters past ten.

I am sure that you noticed that time form 12 to 6 is past a given hour and from 6 to 12 is to a given hour.

The next catch is telling the time when the minutes past the main hour is less than 10, the we say: 8:05 or 10:07 as eight oh five and ten, oh seven.

The old school advised to use minutes after the main hour if the clock hand is not on the hour digits, example:

00:06...six minutes past midnight

7:08 am…eight minutes past seven in the morning or seven, oh eight in the morning

Of course, the same goes for time in the afternoon.

Please take notice that the last part of the blog refers to the 12 hours partition of the day.

LOL...hope I have successfully confused you all.

Read more…

An amazing 2 letter English word.

   Oi there, folks

   Here's what I came across in my e-mail in-box this morning:

An amazing 2 letter English word.

   A reminder that one word in the English language that can be a noun, verb, adjective, adverb and preposition.

 UP 

  Read until the end ... you'll laugh.

  This two-letter word  in English has more meanings than any other two-letter word, and that word is 'UP.' It is listed in the dictionary as an [adv.], [prep.], [adj.], [n], [v].

  It's easy to understand UP, meaning toward the sky or at the top of the list, but when we awaken in the morning, why do we wake UP

  At a meeting, why does a topic come UP? Why do we speak UP, and why are the officers UP for election and why is it UP to the secretary to write UP a report? We call UP our friends, brighten UP a room, polish UP the silver, warm UP the leftovers and clean UP the kitchen. We lock UP the house and fix UP the old car.

   At other times, this little word has real special meaning.  People stir UP trouble, line UP for tickets, work UP an appetite, and think UP excuses. 

  To be dressed is one thing but to be dressed UP is special.

 And this UP is confusing:  A drain must be opened UP because it is stopped UP.

   We open UP a store in the morning, but we close it UP at night.  We seem to be pretty mixed UP about UP!

  To be knowledgeable about the proper uses of UP, look UP the word UP in the dictionary.   In a desk-sized dictionary, it takes UP almost 1/4 of the page and can add UP to about thirty definitions.

   If you are UP to it, you might try building UP a list of the many ways UP is used.  It will take UP a lot of your time, but if you don't give UP, you may wind UP with a hundred or more.

   When it threatens to rain, we say it is clouding UP.  When the sun comes out, we say it is clearing UP.  When it rains, the earth soaks it UP.  When it does not rain for a while, things dry UP.  One could go on and on, but I'll wrap it UP, for now . . . my time is UP!

   Oh . . . one more thing:  What is the first thing you do in the morning and the last thing you do at night? 

U

 

P!

 

Did that one crack you UP?

 Don't screw UP.  Send this on to everyone you look UP in your address book . . . or not . . . it's UP to you.

 

 

Now I'll shut UP!

LOL....hope you guys liked it.

Read more…

Jerusalem - The City of David

Jerusalem – The City of David

     David, the son of Hebraic tribe of Canaan  conquered the city from the Jebusites and established it as the capital of the united kingdom of Israel, and his son, King Solomon, commissioned the building of the First Temple of Judaism in this region.

    All this happened a long time before the Christians established their religion in the Kingdom of Judea. The Christians built their shrines to celebrate the crucifixion of Jesus.

    Much later, Islam made Jerusalem a focal point for Muslim prayer. If anybody has the right to claim Jerusalem as their holy city, the Jewish people most evidently have it.

Read more…

A Weird Nightmarish Dream

This night, after staying up late as usually chatting in EC chat room, I finally hit the hay and almost immediately fell asleep, but I was not inundated with the usual night time visions, the phantasmagory that followed was way different, it was the most weird dream I ever had.

  I found myself in an idyllic scenery - temple like building, all of white stone, broad streets running through lavish gardens, people joyfully discussing or just relaxing on the carpets of grass which seemed to spread around where ever one looked. They all were people well known to me which evoked some sort of inner tranquility as if I were in a world of friends only.  

 Then, for no good reason given, some unrest broke out among those people and they got ready to face each other. Two enraged groups were ready to jump at each others throats. I stood amidst one of these groups, also ready to slash out my anger, although I had no idea what it all was about. The lovely scenery disappeared and we were in some sort of rocky valley, barren and gloomy. We had no weapons only held stones in our hands, eyes glaring with hate and lust for blood.

 

  Suddenly I notice some Iranians among the group on the other side of the barricade. A strange feeling gripped my heart and I was unwilling to fight them, I said: "I shall not fight them as they are of my blood, neither shall I wield my sword at their foes, for they are my beloved friends!" I came up to the leader of the other group, which appeared to be one of my best friends...whom I lost in Iraq, and told him" Kill me, for I dare not harm you and your friends!"

  Hearing these words, the women from both group started lamenting and begged their men to appease their anger. People started embracing each other - the scenery turned to meadows full of shrubs in bloom and things seemed to be going the right way...but we were not given to enjoy our truce. Dark clouds flooded in hanging low over our heads and we heard the thumping of thousands of feet which made the earth under our feet tremble. An army of tall, clad in dark brown leather armor were attacking us. People started to scatter in all directions trying to escape death, yet the pears thrown at us downed many of us. I lay behind a big rock...the weather changed like in a kaleidoscope - howling snow blizzards through raging tempests to total, grey silence. When some blood from a wounded fellowmen stained my robes, I could hold myself back any longer and sprang from behind the rock I was cowardly hiding and truck the nearest warrior with a rock, to my great disbelief and utter joy, the ferocious warrior crumpled down hissing like a fizzy drink powder. When my comrades saw this, they also lashed out with whatever they could get hold of, soon there were no more vicious, nefarious warriors but pools of fizzy drinks of various colours and smell. 

  Feeling that victory was at the reach of our hands, we battled on, and on, and on till we came to a town of gray, tall buildings, narrow, dull streets and we heard some fantastic music coming from nowhere, it resembled the Nabuco slave aria. As conquerors, we were about to do with the women what conquerors usually do..but the women were made of something that looked like strings of garlic, when I befell one of those creatures in something that looked like a sitting room in a barn and tried to strip off the robes, the strings of garlic just fell down and a hen perched on the ceiling beam stared at me. I looked around, there were hundreds of fluffy, greyish fat hens sitting on the beams....in anger i hacked at one of them singing in the meantime an old polish folk song which asked the hen to give me a lovely, big egg..in return the hens started to sing in angelic voices:"Here you are, mighty warrior, take the egg and break it, what comes out of it, splatter it with your gleaming sword"...the singing of angelic voices and the music was something like Bach's fugue in D Minor.

   Blinded by anger and disgust, I started smashing the beautiful eggs which seemed to have a shell of scales in rainbow hues, but no yolk come out, only some clumsy, squarepant bugs started to crawl around. This made me see red, as i squashed the bugs, they changed their form, the more I smashed them, the bigger they got and looked more and more evil...as I kept smashing them, the angelic voices turned into some demonic screech telling me..."squash them all u want, they will grow bigger and hungrier and they will eat you ha ha ha ha"..this infuriated me and I kept lashing out at the bugs until i woke up on the floor.

  

  

Read more…

The Ant and the Mountain.

A lengthy times past ago there existed a young, good heart young prince what lived in beautiful and big castle along with him family. His father, a king of this land, was good ruler but not every time have mind and time for care of his people. May be his lack for attention were not because of not good will but probabli the old king don’t wanted to offend or disturbing some people what was supported his in controling many of important matters for country, so that someone were happy with what the king do but there also were unhappy someones too. Mother of prince was good woman, honest, decent, humble and make very delicious biryani, but the prince very much like her falafel, even the little boy what take care to royal rabbits likes her dolma.

One day, may be it was after a big, tasty food in Eid sacrifice or may be it was during holy Holi feast, the young prince, with belly full and warm feeling spilling all over him, decided to take with his hands some pending matters that old king had no time to bother him royal mind with. For a young and not too experienced person, it must has be very difficult and cumbersome things to do. Yet the prince felt by heart and soul that he musted to do this for making his people feel happy and cared for. From tales said him by his beloved and caring nanny, he know that big things start with small ones. So, slowly and very despacito, the prince made small changes and regulations, of course, immediately were found many bad people grumbling and even mocked or disapprove his good intentions, but the prince, thanks to brave heart and perseverance, step by step, make his decisions come to work. It was not easy job, like eating shawarma, but prince turned deaf ear to all malicious grumble and go on with his work. Slowly, many bad or even horrific things become good and pleasant. When the old king finally kick the bucket, the prince, that was no longer young and uncunning but become wise and respected prince, took the seat of old king and in very short time the land was in bloom, people were happy and very thankful for the new king who had strong will and a goden heart to defeat all obstacles on the road to his goal.

Thank you so much for wasting your precious time to reading my blog, I hoping you enjoy read it.

Read more…

The Joys and Woes of Translators.

 Oi there,

   Indeed, translations can be very "tricky"! First of all, the person doing the translation should have well mastered the original language of the text being translated. Translating demands a vast knowledge of our own mother tongue as well as an appreciable knowledge of the language we are to translate into, the customs of the people using that language and some history. All these give the translator a rich "library" of words, notions, quotes and so on.

I have been doing some translations from different languages into also different languages, mostly from English, Portuguese, French or Spanish into Polish and vice versa.

At the beginning of my translating escapade there were many pitfalls awaiting me at every page, baaaaaa..every paragraph as then I had little general knowledge. But with passing time, I came to know different disciplines of science and its particular vocabulary or as it is generally called, „professional jargon”.

  A good example of what I am driving at, is the following phrase: "another ring added to the fortress" with which one of our chatters had to struggle with.

To get the notion what those "rings" are, we should first know what a fortress is and what it served for.

   In the old days fortresses were built to give a stronghold against any attemps of invading the land the said fortress is to safeguard. To make the fortress hard to conquer, usually a moat filled with water surrounded it adding obstacles which the attackers had to overcome. Those protective moats ran around the fortress and may have a shape of rings.

  Knowing all the above said, we can fairly enough assume that the "added rings" could mean additional safety obstacles/difficulties or measures if used in a context not related to trongholds and attacking nefarious, bloodthirsty hoards.

I am far from discouraging anybody from taking a go at translating as translating gives a great dose of satisfaction as well as it enriches our personal knowledge.

Read more…
   Oi folks,
 
         I got this vital information on my e-mail inbox this morning and hurried to share it with you all as I think this information can be a "life saver".

4 THINGS YOU PROBABLY NEVER KNEW YOUR MOBILE PHONE COULD DO
  

There are a few things that can be done in times of grave emergencies.
Your mobile phone can actually be a life saver or an emergency tool for survival.
Check out the things that you can do with it: 
 

FIRST   
 Emergency  
The Emergency Number worldwide for  Mobile  is 
 112. 
If you find yourself out of the coverage area of your mobile; network and there is an 
emergency, dial  112  and the mobile will search any existing network to establish the 
emergency number for you, and interestingly this number  112  can be dialled even if 
the keypad is locked.  

SECOND  
 Have you locked your keys in the car?  
Does your car have remote keyless entry?  This may come in handy someday. 
Good reason to own a cell phone: If you lock your keys in the car and the spare keys 
are at home, call someone at home on their mobile phone from your cell phone. 

Hold your cell phone about a foot from your car door and have the person at your 
home press the unlock button, holding it near the mobile phone on their end.
Your car will unlock.  Saves someone from having to drive your keys to you.

Distance is no object.  You could be hundreds of miles away, and if you can reach 
someone who has the other 'remote' for your car, you can unlock the doors (or the trunk).  

Editor's Note: It works fine! We tried it out and it unlocked our car over a mobile phone!'
   

THIRD   
 Hidden Battery Power  
Imagine your mobile battery is very low.  To activate, press the keys
  *3370# 
Your mobile will restart with this reserve and the instrument will show a 50% increase in battery. 
This reserve will get charged when you charge your mobile next time. 
 

FOURTH   
 How to disable a STOLEN mobile phone?  
To check your Mobile phone's serial number, key in the following digits on your phone: 
 * # 0 6 #  
A 15 digit code will appear on the screen.  This number is unique to your handset.
Write it down and keep it somewhere safe.

When your phone get stolen, you can phone your service provider and give them this code.
They will then be able to block your handset so even if the thief changes the
  SIM  card,
your phone will be totally useless.  You probably won't get your phone back, but at least you 
know that whoever stole it can't use/sell it either. 

If everybody does this, there would be no point in people stealing mobile phones. 
 

ATM - PIN Number Reversal -
  Good to Know   
If you should ever be forced by a robber to withdraw money from an ATM machine, 
you can notify the police by entering your PIN # in reverse.

For example, if your pin number is 
 1234,  then you would put in  4321.  

The ATM system recognizes that your PIN number is backwards from the ATM card 
you placed in the machine.

The machine will still give you the money you requested, but unknown to the robber, 
the police will be immediately dispatched to the location.  

This information was recently broadcast on CTV by Crime Stoppers however it is 
seldom used because people just don't know about it.
Please pass this along to everyone. 

This is the kind of information people don't mind receiving, so pass it on to your family 
and friends

 
Read more…

    This morning, while going through the news on BBC, I came across an interesting article written by David Robson dealing with "foreign" words used to describe emotional feelings in a research project carried out by Tim Lomas.

    The below posted entry is a resume of a long article in a form of passages randomly selected to my whim and fancy.

Lomas’s Positive Lexicography Project aims to capture the many flavours of good feelings (some of which are distinctly bittersweet) found across the world, in the hope that we might start to incorporate them all into our daily lives. We have already borrowed many emotion words from other languages, after all – think “frisson”, from French, or “schadenfreude”, from German – but there are many more that have not yet wormed their way into our vocabulary. Lomas has found hundreds of these "untranslatable" experiences so far – and he’s only just begun.

Have you ever felt a little mbuki-mvuki – the irresistible urge to “shuck off your clothes as you dance”? Perhaps a little kilig – the jittery fluttering feeling as you talk to someone you fancy? How about uitwaaien – which encapsulates the revitalising effects of taking a walk in the wind?

These words – taken from Bantu, Tagalog, and Dutch – have no direct English equivalent, but they represent very precise emotional experiences that are neglected in our language. And if Tim Lomas at the University of East London has his way, they might soon become much more familiar.

Many of the terms referred to highly specific positive feelings, which often depend on very particular circumstances:

  • Desbundar (Portuguese) – to shed one’s inhibitions in having fun

  • Tarab (Arabic) – a musically induced state of ecstasy or enchantment

  • Shinrin-yoku (Japanese) – the relaxation gained from bathing in the forest, figuratively or literally

  • Gigil (Tagalog) – the irresistible urge to pinch or squeeze someone because they are loved or cherished

  • Yuan bei (Chinese) – a sense of complete and perfect accomplishment

  • Iktsuarpok (Inuit) – the anticipation one feels when waiting for someone, whereby one keeps going outside to check if they have arrived.

But others represented more complex and bittersweet experiences, which could be crucial to our growth and overall flourishing.  

  • Natsukashii (Japanese) – a nostalgic longing for the past, with happiness for the fond memory, yet sadness that it is no longer

  • Wabi-sabi (Japanese) – a “dark, desolate sublimity” centred on transience and imperfection in beauty

  • Saudade (Portuguese) – a melancholic longing or nostalgia for a person, place or thing that is far away either spatially or in time – a vague, dreaming wistfulness for phenomena that may not even exist

  • Sehnsucht (German) – literally “life-longings”, an intense desire for alternative states and realisations of life, even if they are unattainable.

In addition to these emotions, Lomas’s lexicography also charted the personal characteristics and behaviours that might determine our long-term well-being and the ways we interact with other people.

  • Dadirri (Australian aboriginal) term – a deep, spiritual act of reflective and respectful listening

  • Pihentagyú (Hungarian) – literally meaning “with a relaxed brain”, it describes quick-witted people who can come up with sophisticated jokes or solutions

  • Desenrascanço (Portuguese) – to artfully disentangle oneself from a troublesome situation

  • Sukha (Sanskrit) – genuine lasting happiness independent of circumstances

  • Orenda (Huron) – the power of the human will to change the world in the face of powerful forces such as fate

Learning these words, he hopes, will offer us all a richer and more nuanced understanding of ourselves. “They offer a very different way of seeing the world.”

Read more…

Children are Quick

Oi there,

  Here is what I found in my e-mail in-box this morning:

 

TEACHER: Why are you late?
STUDENT: Class started before I got here.
____________________________________
TEACHER: John, why are you doing your math multiplication on the floor?
JOHN: You told me to do it without using tables.
__________________________________________
TEACHER: Glenn, how do you spell 'crocodile?'
GLENN: K-R-O-K-O-D-I-A-L'
TEACHER: No, that's wrong
GLENN: Maybe it is wrong, but you asked me how I spell it.
(I Love this child)
____________________________________________
TEACHER: Donald, what is the chemical formula for water?
DONALD: H I J K L M N O.
TEACHER: What are you talking about?
DONALD: Yesterday you said it's H to O.
__________________________________
TEACHER: Winnie, name one important thing we have today that we didn't have ten years ago.
WINNIE: Me!
__________________________________________
TEACHER: Glen, why do you always get so dirty?
GLEN: Well, I'm a lot closer to the ground than you are.
_______________________________________

______________________________
TEACHER: George Washington not only chopped down his father's cherry tree, but also admitted it.
Now, Louie, do you know why his father didn't punish him?
LOUIS: Because George still had the axe in his hand.....
______________________________________
TEACHER: Now, Simon , tell me frankly, do you say prayers before eating?
SIMON: No sir, I don't have to, my Mum is a good cook.
______________________________
TEACHER:  Clyde , your composition on 'My Dog' is exactly the same as your brother's..
Did you copy his?
CLYDE : No, sir. It's the same dog.

 

(I want to adopt this kid!!!)
___________________________________
TEACHER: Harold, what do you call a person who keeps on talking when people are no longer interested?
HAROLD: A teacher

Read more…

The Charms of Mathematics

This is what I found in my e-mail box this morning, sent by my cousin Anthony from Canada:

Here is a display of the charms  of Mathematics

                                    1 x 8 + 1 = 9

                                  12 x 8 + 2 = 98

                                123 x 8 + 3 = 987

                               1234 x 8 + 4 = 9876

                             12345 x 8 + 5 = 98765

                           123456 x 8 + 6 = 987654

                         1234567 x 8 + 7 = 9876543

                       12345678 x 8 + 8 = 98765432

                     123456789 x 8 + 9 = 987654321

                                   1 x 9 + 2 = 11

                                 12 x 9 + 3 = 111

                               123 x 9 + 4 = 1111

                             1234 x 9 + 5 = 11111

                           12345 x 9 + 6 = 111111

                           23456 x 9 + 7 = 1111111

                       1234567 x 9 + 8 = 11111111

                     12345678 x 9 + 9 = 11111111

                   123456789 x 9 + 10 = 111111111

                                 9 x 9 + 7 = 88

                               98 x 9 + 6 = 888

                             987 x 9 + 5 = 8888

                           9876 x 9 + 4 = 88888

                         98765 x 9 + 3 = 888888

                       987654 x 9 +  2 = 8888888

                     9876543 x 9 + 1 = 88888888

                   98765432 x 9 + 0 = 888888888

AMAZING, isn’t it?

Just watch the SYMMETRY of this:

                                 1 x 1 = 1

                               11 x 11 = 121

                             111 x 111 = 12321

                           1111 x 1111 = 1234321

                         11111 x 11111 = 123454321

                       111111 x 111111 = 12345654321

                     1111111 x 1111111 = 1234567654321

                   11111111 x 11111111 = 1234567654321

                 111111111 x 111111111 = 12345678987654321

Now let’s consider the following….

From the point of view of Mathematics:

What is the equivalent of 100%?

How to achieve 100%?

What makes 100% in our lives?

This simple Mathematics rule will show.

If the letters:

A B C D E F G H I J K L M N O P Q E R S T U V W X Y Z

Would be represented by digits:

1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22 23 24 25 26.

Then we would get:

H-A-R-D- W-O-R-K

8+1+18+4+23+15+18+11 = 98%

And

K-N-O-W-L-E-D-G-E

11+14+15+23+12+5+4+7+5 = 96%

 But

A-T-T-I-T-U-D-E

1+20+20+9+20+21+4+5 = 100%

Hence we get the mathematical conclusion:

With HARDWORD and KNOWLEDGE we would get close to our goal,

But with ATTITUDE we WILL achieve our goal. 

Have a good one, ya folks.....

Read more…

Autumn of Life

In the autumn of life, when everything has been said,

All hopes and expectations are all but not yet dead,

Misty memories are all there is left to cling to,

With alzheimer  knocking at the door too,

The echo of  days long past,

Flood the failing mind,

Oh, how very fast,

Nothing to find!

And yet,

  In still warm cinder,

One may still be able to get,

Something worth the trouble to concider,

Something to forget, many to cherish, more to regret,

For not always is the sea placid, sometimes it poses a threat.

Whatever colours may our autumn display,

Be it of golden brown or even gloomy gray,

Whether our mind is dull or sharp as a knife,

Man, it’s really doggone cool to be alive!

Read more…

Writing Challenge - Terrifying two- line tale.

 

  Once, late in the night, I was walking in the park to catch some fresh air before going to bed, there was nobody around…then, suddenly I noticed that SOMETHING was following me – when I walked faster, it speeded up, when I slowed down, it slowed down…fear gripped my faint heart.

 When I walked up to the park lamp post IT disappeared, then I ralised that it was my own shadow cast by the park lantern.

Read more…

Writing Prompt: Subjunctive Mood

 

  When the company where I work demanded that their employees not use the Office phone for personal talks, I suggested a general meeting be called where the issue be discussed with the company officials. Jimmy insisted that our Worker’s Union Official ought to participatein the meeting and  should be ready tackle any issue should such be the need.

   The company officials warned us that our demands not be pushed too far and pointed out that retaliations were possible should the company concider such action proper.

   We thought little of such threats and declared bluntly that a strike be called even before the meeting be held.

Read more…

Writing Challenge - My Eponym

Rysism

Meaning:

Rysism is a moderately rare disease which renders the affected person over-sensitive about grammar and spelling issues. Rysism has an accute form especially in chatrooms and can be irritating when chatters care little about the way sentences are constructed and the wordings spelled. 

Examples of Rysism in everyday usage:

1 - Man, that dude's Rysisim made our chat lame.....caramba!!

2- Hey,man, skip that Rysism and let me babble how I want!

Origin:

The name of this irritating malady derives from the name of an EC chatter who cannot refrain himself from correcting all sorts of mistakes made in the chat.

Quick Quizz: 

Rysism refers to:

1 -  Cheerful chatting with others.

2 -  Irrisistable need to correct even the slightest mistake in grammar or spelling.

3 -  Claustrophobic behaviour in crowded chatrooms.

4 -  Whatever.

Read more…

STUDENT WHO OBTAINED 0% ON AN EXAM

 I want to share a joke I got this morning in my inbox from my cousin in Canada.

Midterm exam paper:

Q1..  In which battle did Napoleon die?

*  his last battle

 

Q2.. Where was the Declaration of Independence  signed?

*  at the bottom of the page

 

Q3.. River Ravi flows in which state?

*  liquid

 

Q4.. What is the main reason for divorce?

*  marriage

 

Q5.. What is the main reason for failure?

*  exams

 

Q6.. What can you never eat for breakfast?

*  Lunch & dinner

 

Q7.. What looks like half an apple?

*  The other half

 

Q8.. If you throw a red stone into the blue sea what  it will become?

*  Wet

 

Q9.. How can a man go eight days without sleeping ?

*  No problem, he sleeps at night.

 

Q10. How can you lift an elephant  with one hand?

*    You will never find an elephant that has one hand.

 

Q11.  If you had three apples and four oranges in one hand and four apples and three  oranges in other hand, what would you have?

*  Very large hands

 

Q12. If it took eight men ten hours to build a  wall, how long would it take four men to build it?

*No  time at all, the wall is already built.

 

Q13. How can u drop a raw  egg onto a concrete floor without cracking it?

*Any way you want, concrete  floors are very hard to crack.

 

I  would have given him 100%!  Each answer is absolutely grammatically  correct, and funny too. The teacher had no sense of humor.

 

LOL…hope you guys liked it…..I almost burst from laughter!!! The last answer was great, it was a typically grammatical pun.

 

Read more…

Short Story Challenge - Two Worlds, one Common Item.

    The sunbathed island surrounded by turquoise water and white beaches promised a fantastic stay for a run down city dweller.

    From my hotel room by the seaside I could see a marvelous mountain with forest covered slopes which so charmingly tempted the visitors to climb to its not too high top. I decided that I would treck my way to the top right after breakfast.

  So, having finished my savory breakfast, i packed my rucksack and directed my steps towards the mountain admiring the lavish vegetation on my way. 

   Time went by almost unnoticed. Soon it was noon and I was about half way to the top. It never occured to my traffic fumes fogged mind, that such a climb would be pure torture for my feet. My pained feet just destroyed the adventurous mood of my outing. I just had to sit down in the shade and let my feet cool off.

   A short distance away, I spotted a big tree offering me the so needed shade and resting ground as there was lovely green grass arond the tree and a light breeze played among the tree tops. I limped to the shade and rested my tormented body on the cool green grass.

  I was just about to take out my pen knife and engrave my initials on the tree trunk when I caught the sight of something that looked like an alien flying saucer make a bee line towards me. It was not what I expected to see on that mountain slope.

  The alien saucer stopped a couple of feed away from me and I tried to pull our my camera from the rucksac but my fingers were too shake to perform that. A doorway on one side of the flying saucer opened, and an emabarrassed cyber voice asked -

Excuse me, earthling, do happen to have some spare toilet paper? 

   I was too surprised and dumbstruck to say anything. I reached into my rucksack and took out a roll of toilet paper and handed it to the waiting cyber hand. The hand took it and started to withdraw when it stopped as if something came to its cyber mind. The hand unrolled about 1/3 of the total toilet paper length and handed it to me. An almost human voice said:

- Just in case!

and the saucer zoomed out of sight. 

  Yeah, you are right, and I zoomed back to the hotel and spent the rest of my stay in a more civilised way.

   

   

Read more…

GRINS AND SNIKERS

Here's what I found in my inbox from my cousin in Canada!

 


I was in the six item express lane at the store quietly fuming.

Completely ignoring the sign, the woman ahead of me had slipped into the check-out line pushing a cart piled high with groceries. Imagine my delight when the cashier beckoned the woman to come forward looked into the cart and asked sweetly, "So which six items would you like to buy?"

(Wouldn't it be great if that happened more often?)

------------------------------------------------------------

Because they had no reservations at a busy restaurant, my elderly neighbor and his wife were told there would be a 45 minute wait for a table.

"Young man, we're both 90 years old," the husband said. "We may not have 45 minutes."

They were seated immediately.


------------------------------------------------------

The reason Politicians try so hard to get re-elected is that they would "hate" to have to make a living under the laws they have just passed.

------------------------------------------------------

All eyes were on the radiant bride as her father escorted her down the aisle. They reached the altar and the waiting groom. The bride kissed her father and placed something in his hand.

The guests in the front pews responded with ripples of laughter. Even the priest smiled broadly.

As her father gave her away in marriage, the bride gave him back his credit card.


------------------------------------------------------

Women and cats will do as they please, and men and dogs should relax and get used to the idea.


------------------------------------------------------

Three friends from the local congregation were asked, "When you're in your casket, and friends and congregation members are mourning over you, what would you like them to say?"

Artie said, "I would like them to say I was a wonderful husband, a fine spiritual leader, and a great family man."

Eugene commented, "I would like them to say I was a wonderful teacher and servant of God who made a huge difference in people's lives.." 

Al said, "I'd like them to say, 'Look, he's moving!'"


------------------------------------------------------------

Smith climbs to the top of Mt. Sinai to get close enough to talk to God.

Looking up, he asks the Lord. "God, what does a million years mean to you?"

The Lord replies, "A minute."

Smith asks, "And what does a million dollars mean to you?"

The Lord replies, "A penny."

Smith asks, "Can I have a penny?"

The Lord replies, "In a minute."
   

-------------------------------------------------

A man goes to a shrink and says, "Doctor, my wife is unfaithful to me. Every evening, she goes to Larry's bar and picks up men. In fact, she sleeps with anybody who asks her! I'm going crazy. What do you think I should do?"

"Relax," says the Doctor, "take a deep breath and calm down. Now, tell me, exactly where is Larry's bar?"

-------------------------------------------------

John was on his deathbed and gasped pitifully, "Give me one last request, dear," he said.

"Of course, John," his wife said softly.

"Six months after I die," John said, "I want you to marry Bob."

"But I thought you hated Bob," she said..

With his last breath John said, "I do!"

--------------------------------------

A man goes to see the Rabbi. "Rabbi, something terrible is happening and I have to talk to you about it."

The Rabbi asked, "What's wrong?"

The man replied, "My wife is going to poison me."

The Rabbi, very surprised by this, asks, "How can that be?"

The man then pleads, "I'm telling you, I'm certain she's going to poison me.What should I do?"

The Rabbi then offers, "Tell you what. Let me talk to her, I'll see what I can find out and I'll let you know."

A week later the Rabbi calls the man and says, "I spoke to your wife on the phone for three hours. You want my advice?

The man said, "Yes" and the Rabbi replied, "Take the poison."

 

Read more…

Challenge versus Fear

Oi there

      I would like to challenge Eric’s challenge, but I’ll do it in free style, neither American nor British style.

      First of all, I really don’t think that “challenge” is interchangeable with “fear”, these two words pertain to two, radically different dimensions, something challenging does not have to evoke fear, it does not really have to be associated with fear. To my humble thinking, something challenging calls for a higher level of skill, agility, knowledge or other personal features, not necessarily demanding courage which is needed to overcome the fear gripping the heart of somebody engaged in the said dangerous challenge.  

     Coming to the crux of our “challenge” issue, the “fear” that is supposed to be replaceable also has its ambiguous ambivalence. The fear involved in the challenge can be of variable intensity or fatality. Let’s imagine a trip through the Mojave Desert, it is challenging and the fear of dying of thirst and sun stroke in the Death Valley cannot be rated at the same level as the fear involved in the challenge of making an excursion in the everglades of Florida, although in both cases it can end with a funeral ceremony….hmmmm…although the everglade challenge may not leave a physical body to be de facto buried as it may be undergoing the process of digesting in the belly of some gator which was smart  enough not to hit the Mojave Desert trial trail.

    Methinks that it would also be worthwhile to ponder a bit over the not so dramatic scenarios of challenge and fear. This time I suggest we picture a different situation where the challenge involves other types of fear – nobody’s imputing that the intensity of the fear is lesser then the fears  mentioned above. How challenging it is to stay a bit longer in the pub with some mates and down a couple more pints of beer while at the same time trying to belittle the fear of what may encounter us as we swagger into our home some hours past midnight. This can only be compared to the fear associated with the challenge of a mission flight, the imminent and unavoidable ravages may not be equally fatal, but the intensity of fright is much on the same level. Although I know a couple of guys who’d rather be shot down than face their first ladies in their night make-up.

    So, to make a final conclusion - To challenge somebody is to dare him do something, it can be something trivial or something frightful. We can challenge others in many spheres of our mundane existence, yet fear is quite a different feeling…. It gnaws at our hearts for many reasons – we may fear that our words could hurt the feelings of somebody, especially if that body is dear to us; we may fear for the wellbeing of our friends or beloved ones and in many cases fear is a live saving factor… Actually the ancient Greeks invented  something like “phobia” to talk about fear… some have them, others just invent names for them.

   Nevertheless, it’s quite challenging to tackle our phobias..no matter what they might be. 

     

Read more…

AND THEN IT IS WINTER

Oi there folks, 

             Some time ago, when I came back from the health resort, I complained to my cousin in Canada how life seems to have take a turn for the worse, and here is what he sent me to make me feel better - sorry, I have no idea where he got this cool text from, nor who is the witty author.

 AND THEN IT IS WINTER  

You know ... time has a way of moving quickly and catching you unaware of the passing years. It seems just yesterday that I was young, just married and embarking on my new life with my mate. Yet in a way, it seems like eons ago, and I wonder where all the years went. I know that I lived them all. I have glimpses of how it was back then and of all my hopes and dreams.

      But, here it is... the back nine of my life and it catches me by surprise...How did I get here so fast? Where did the years go and where did my youth go? 

      I remember well seeing older people through the years and thinking that those older people were years away from me and that I was only on the first hole and the back nine was so far off that I could not fathom it or imagine fully what it would be like. 

      But, here it is...my friends are retired and getting gray...they move slower and I see an older person now. Some are in better and some worse shape than me...but, I see the great change...Not like the ones that I remember who were young and vibrant...but, like me, their age is beginning to show and we are now those older folks that we used to see and never thought we'd become.

       Each day now, I find that just getting a shower is a real target for the day! And taking a nap is not a treat anymore... it's mandatory! Cause if I don't on my own free will... I just fall asleep where I sit!

        And so...now I enter into this new season of my life unprepared for all the aches and pains and the loss of strength and ability to go and do things that I wish I had done but never did!! But, at least I know, that though Im on the back nine, and I'm not sure how long it will last...this I know, that when it's over on this earth...it's over. A new adventure will begin! Yes, I have regrets. There are things I wish I hadn't done...things I should have done, but indeed, there are many things I'm happy to have done. It's all in a lifetime.

        So, if you're not on the back nine yet...let me remind you, that it will be here faster than you think. So, whatever you would like to accomplish in your life please do it quickly! Don't put things off too long!! Life goes by quickly. So, do what you can today, as you can never be sure whether youre on the back nine or not!

       You have no promise that you will see all the seasons of your life...so, live for today and say all the things that you want your loved ones to remember...and hope that they appreciate and love you for all the things that you have done for them in all the years past!!

       "Life" is a gift to you. The way you live your life is your gift to those who come after. Make it a fantastic one. LIVE IT WELL! ENJOY TODAY! DO SOMETHING FUN! BE HAPPY ! HAVE A GREAT DAY Remember "It is health that is real wealth and not pieces of gold and silver. LIVE HAPPY IN 2014!

 LASTLY, CONSIDER THIS:

~Your kids are becoming you......but your grandchildren are perfect!

~Going out is good.. Coming home is better!

~You forget names.... But it's OK because some people forgot they even knew you!!!

~You realize you're never going to be really good at anything like golf.

~The things you used to care to do, you aren't as interested in anymore, but you really do care that you aren't as interested.

~You sleep better on a lounge chair with the TV 'ON' than in bed. It's called "pre-sleep".

~You miss the days when everything worked with just an "ON" and "OFF" switch..

~You tend to use more 4 letter words .. "what?"..."when?"... ???

~You notice everything they sell in stores is "sleeveless"?!!!

~What used to be freckles are now liver spots.

~Everybody whispers.

~You have 3 sizes of clothes in your closet.... 2 of which you will never wear.

 ~~~But Old is good in some things: Old Songs, Old movies, and best of all, OLD FRIENDS!!

TODAY IS THE OLDEST YOU'VE EVER BEEN, YET THE YOUNGEST YOU'LL EVER BE, SO ENJOY THIS DAY WHILE IT LASTS.

Read more…