This is Also a Way of Love
I have always been questioning Allah, and it was when I was hurt, sad and in pain, “Why me? Why it is happening to me?” In me prays, in prostration, I called Him as if He is closed to me, and he, of course, is very close to me, but it has always been a matter of realization. To all my prayers, and begging I received no replies, heard no words. I got tired calling Him again and again, my raised hands fell down in fatigue and a feeling of even more unhappiness rose in me. “He should have said something, even let me know why people hurt me, why was there all unhappiness for me. Am I myself bad?” I always asked this all the time. Then one day I realized that the answer was already known to me. I then recognize why it was so happening to me.
My all those begging in long prostration, asking, why he was not answering to my prayers, raising my face towards the sky, wiping my tears from my cheeks as I was going to have an answer from Him, lying and closing myself in my own arms hugging myself, and saying, “are you listening to me, are you seeing me I am alone”. A realization awoke in me, that He liked these, he loved the way I beg him, plead him. Then I felt that I was not alone. He has always been near me, closed to me. He Loved me a lot and wanted me to be near to Him, closed to him. But I would only get close to him when I was hurt and in pain, otherwise, I never cared Him that much. So, all those pains and troubles inflicted upon me just to make me close to him go near him. He let the people hurt me, breaking my heart so that I would run to him begging and pleading telling him that I was hurt. He liked my talking to him, to call him, to tell him my pain, just like telling to a mother. He loved me to show Him my wounds, how badly I was treated by the people, how I was deceived and cheated by the people who claimed to be my closed loving friends, how they turned against me and began to hurt me, He wanted to hear from me, “Are you listening, are you seeing.”
Realizing how close He is to me I found myself in serenity, a world of peace and tranquility where there is no feeling of any pain. Why I felt so, it was because in my long prostrations I found myself very closed to Him. He has always been closed to me, but I was not there. He loved all my those cries, begging, pleading, telling Him how I was hurt, how my heart was broken, how it was wounded, and the same time he gave me strength, patience, tolerance to face all those pain, not with tears, but with smile, because I have now realized that this is also a way of love.