Hi there!
This is Emma.
Is anyone here right now in Thailand?
No matter what your purpose to be here, I suggest that we could hold a Tea Meeting or a sort of reunion to meet and see each other, we could talk and learn conversational English during the weekend.
If you are up to it - hit me a message or just reply to this message.
Everyone is welcome! Hope to hear from you.
Cheers! ^^
Emma
Emma Hagedorn's Posts (15)
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The Gimme World
One of the greatest fears was the possibility of eternal recurrence, that everything that had been through would keep repeating itself, that nothing would change. As Nietzshe had said, we needed to embrace amor fati, the love of fate. We needed to trust that all suffering and loss we'd endured was ultimately good, that everything that'd happened had a predestined purpose. Only then could we stimulate a transformation of consciousness.
You know what kind of an environmental blight golf courses are? An eighteen-hole golf courses uses eight hundred thousand gallons of water a day, and requires four tons of germicides, pesticides, and hebicides every year. Most of the chemicals are corcinogenic - organophosphate, methylmercury. They run off and leach ino the ground and kill everything within miles of generations. All of this development - it's all big - boxification and sprawl-Mart. Forty-six acres of farmland are paved over every hour in our countries, and the agribusiness that's left, you just don't know what the hell you're eating anymore, all these GMO's, cows and chickens fed with corn and soybean pumped up with antibiotics that breed resistant stains of bacteria, these farmed fish with PCB's. It's all Frankenfood. You just can't imagine the consequences. That's the problem it's a lack of imagination. Your SUV, for example. You know it produces one pound of CO2 for every mile you drive? You drive twenty thousand miles a year, that's ten tons of CO2 expelled into the air annually. Mulitply that by a billion cars, along with all the methane and chlorofluorocarbons released every day, and you wonder why the ozone layer is being depleted, why there's a hole over the Arctic Circle, why there's global warming?
Think about it - it's not too late for a new beginning~ Life is much wonderful if we value what is more vital in our lives. You can't bring these corporeal when you die. All these gewgaw are temporary and couldn't bring the real happiness. Life is too short not to share with the people we all love. Family and real friends are priceless; all the mundane fun are just an erzats that clings into our lives. There's no such thing as forever and lifetime but only memory and even this one might faded along the way. Your beauty might scars by any accident but your heart, will still be the same and never be worn out - this is the real beauty. Society tells you what to wear, what fashion is; how to be sexy and how to live your life given by these all-commercialize info that tantalize your mind. Addiction became aversion.
What I'm trying to say is...
Pray, Eat, and Love - have you watch and read it? You should try, it's very inspiring and a real-life story.
I am expressing my true Heart.
My Heart is healed; my Heart is open.
I am kind, I am loving.
I am free to express my love to all that I come together with.
I am giving myself my own love.
My Heart is healing me.
I am open; I am God's expression of love on this Earth.
I give my Heart and my love freely.
My Heart is healthy and vibrant.
I am a messenger of love.
I am a conduit of peace and love.
I am a heart-felt loving being.
I am the power of my Heart.
My Heart is powerful.
Meditate this to yourself and take a deep breath. It'll heal your closed Heart.
It’s been a while since I wrote my own thoughts on paper…when I was in college till I got married, I used to write every now and then…but after my hubby died it seems that I lost my appetite for writing and then I made an excused that am busy or I need to do something than to write a stupid things.
But here I am, seeking something inside me and boiling my feelings that I need to write it down, that somehow the pain I felt would just fade away… I was so shocked to learn that my mother is dead and the sad part is I couldn’t go home for several reasons. Its seven months since I left Philippines and I felt living like a year here in Thailand. I was so anxious where and how things will go if ever I will work here. If ever I could ever find what am looking for, for such a long time. I’ve been traveling since Fred died, left my son and be on my own, searching for something – till now am still finding my own ‘me.’ I thought if I left my country, things will be better as I thought to be. I’ve been happier here in my place, in the way, I’ve met the ‘people of God.’ They helped me a lot in every way they could. And I think they are God’s messenger to help me because I was in a messed. I told myself over and over again – that everything happens for a reason. And that there must be a reason why God brought me here in Thailand. I was very delighted…not then when I received the bad news that mom is dead. The feeling of losing someone lingers again. Honestly – this was not as bitter as my hubby died. But it’s hurt of course.
With all the things that had had happened in my life for 25 years on Earth, I’ve said to myself that am so young to experienced all this things, this suffering inside of me. But when I reflect the things around me, I still believe that am lucky to survive and somehow to enjoy the breathing moments. And I’ve tried not to think all the painful experienced in the past and the present moment, instead I need to be thankful and be blessed for what I have now and for God has plan in my life for the future.
My faith has been tested to the point that I want to quit to pray and to rely on Him. Sometimes I think its all nonsense, and pointless. Sometimes I felt hopeless and in vain. Yeah, I guess my ex was right – I was acting like a child. I remembered how we broke up for the first time and back together again, for the second time around; it really didn’t work out anymore. Because I was being ‘childish.’ Come to think of it – perhaps he was right, that am being like a child again. I’m not talking in the physical aspects but am talking about spiritual aspects; wherein my mind of knowing God is not ripe yet; not fully into Him; that am not growing up in my spiritual knowledge – of trusting Him. You know, when a child wants something like a toy or anything she/he wants badly. She will cry over that something and act bitchy because she/he couldn’t get what she/he wants. And now I realized just now – at this moment, while am writing this, that am thinking and acting like a ‘child.’
I’ve wanted to pursue my education in a University for such a long time. When I got a job here in Thailand, I said wow; this is a good chance for me. Then, as I always thinking about my future and my son’s future, being a mother it’s normal to be worried about her kid. To make the story short, I got a scholarship program in an international University here and I was so delighted that perhaps this is what I’m looking for. So, I made every effort to visit the University to talk to certain people that are responsible for my scholarship and the people who could help me. I even thought that I could start this year, and been hoping so much to be accepted as a full time scholar. Unfortunately things didn’t work as I wanted to be. They reserved a seat for me, yes. They’d talked on how to help me and the committee made a final decision. It’s certain that I could be accepted by upcoming semester on January; on the other hand, there are still conditions that I need to fulfill in order to be a ‘real student’ of this University. Money. I need to pay 75 thousand BHT in every semester for 2.5 years that I’m going to spend there – free room and board, plus the food during the academic year. This seems not really to be a problem for those people who can afford this amount. But my salary is not even enough to reach this amount nor could I afford to save this amount for a couple of months before the school starts. I thought this is just crazy. Problems come up again – it’s all about this paper money!
Why they couldn’t just give me a full time scholarship instead? And where could I get that for 2.5 years? Will I be on a diet in that long years to save money? If they just know what my situation is, perhaps they might understand. What should I do? I’ve been contacting various non-profit org and government agencies or universities local and abroad to find at least a sponsorship but to no avail. I’m stuck in nowhere…feeling lost. Plenty of questions popping out in my mind, but this is will not help me either. In addition, with my mom’s death, I feel so insecure, down and depress. What should I do?
No one could answer me, not even God. I hope that instead of waiting for nothing, I wish He just shout at me, and say, ‘Hey Emma, don’t wait anymore because you cannot study there, it’s not for you so move on…’ but as my nature, am not patient at all in things like this. If I wanted something badly such as this one, I want it now; I want to know the answer now not tomorrow. But why God’s been holding the truth? Am I not deserved to know what the real score is? I thought my faith in Him is getting stronger or maybe now it’s failing?
My Thai friend says, ‘Pray.’ And I said am getting tired of praying. I don’t think I meant it but that’s how I really felt these days. My mind is tired of getting things done and focusing on the things I want to achieve in my life. But I do remember, the Bible said, ‘Don’t be afraid; just Believe.’ – Luke 8:50.
I know God talked to me all the time and tried to tell me so many things, but as a human being I usually failed to notice or perhaps I just neglected or overlooked the sign. So now, I ask God to show me the obvious sign so that I can make a right decision for my life and where to go next.
What about you? Have you ever ask God what do you want Him to do in your life? Do you really believe that God is really concern in every bit of your being? It’s never too late, ask Him to show the light and you will never regret. Dare to move.
Loy Kratong in Thailand
It’s November, and the weather in Thailand has been chilly. I actually love it as it reminds me the Christmas season in my country in the Philippines.
Almost 7 months…it seems a year since I left Philippines, and yet I feel that things are just happened yesterday. Time really flies!
I like Thailand – the fact that it’s closer to the Philippines, the weather is just almost the same and people are just like Filipinos, well the culture is much more different.
There are many important events in Thailand, the funny thing was, and I only knew this 1 or 2 days before the event. At least my boss told me so. Hahaha!!
Ok, here’s the highlight…so far the best occasion and the momentous that I’ve been to was the Loy Kratong festival. Loy Kratong is one of the most popular and romantic of Thailand's traditional festivals. Loy literally translates to "float", while Kratong is the Thai word for a sort of tray made out of banana leaves.
It was 3 o’clock in the afternoon and everybody was ready for the parade. Kids were dressed in colorful attire and parents were busy putting make up on their children. Teachers were preparing with their assigned station. And as foreign teacher, me and my colleagues were just standing and waiting for the sign to go. It was late and the students were anxious to wait (but are sure they are used to it since they were a kid).
We were lined up with the ‘band’ it was a traditional music that they played; I have no idea what was the title of the music. Anyway, while we were waiting for them to start, the ‘band’ played some gong music and we actually danced to it, together with the Thai teachers. We carried on and danced too. It was really fun and I really enjoyed. People were looking at us and my Anuban (kindergarten) students were deliberately staring. And the way they danced was just too hard for me to harmonize with them! They’re hands were just softly gliding back and forth. All I know is modern, hip-hop and disco danced.
Finally, the signed was clearly instructed and we moved on. Everybody was joyful and at their own spirit. I was smiling all the way down the road. As the music played on, we were dancing with my colleague and laughing. We evenly joking with each other that we should take some drinks before we joined the parade. So that the dance will even rockier! Crazy thought!
Once in a while, we stopped and rest due to the traffic and people were watching taking photos. We ended up like an hour or so, it was a slow parade. But quite fun.
When we were near at the school, my colleagues and I escaped the lined and went to get some ‘drinks’. They bought Leo beer and we had a drink at the mini-store. After a short talked and laughed, we proceeded to the mini mart nearby and continued the drinking session there. I didn’t drink a lot because I had this tendency pain with my stomach ulcer. One of my colleagues was waiting with his family to come and I was also waiting for my Thai friend to picked me up. There were fireworks every now and then and it was so nice! Then suddenly, it rained.
I had a dinner date with my Thai friend and my Thai family and I was dressed up with my new dress. I was holding my Kratong flowers till we finished the dinner. My Thai Mom made it for me.
By 9 o’clock, we went to the sea and decided to float our Kratong. It was windy and the waves were just stubborn. It was a bit of low tide so we need to walk a little bit further. I was wearing a mini-high heels sandal so it was stuck on the sticky sand.
I’ve waited for my friends so we could do it together. Then, I’ve made a wished. The float began…
We walked at the Night Market afterwards and looked for some things. Just mainly sight-seeing. Hehehe.
As far as I’d experienced this Loy Kratong was the best festival I’d ever went to. Fun, colorful, and romantic – even if am single, at least romantic friendship!
Happy Loy Kratong!!
Hi there!
This is Emma.
Is anyone here right now in Thailand?
No matter what your purpose to be here, I suggest that we could hold a Tea Meeting or a sort of reunion to meet and see each other, we could talk and learn conversational English during the weekend.
If you are up to it - hit me a message or just reply to this message.
Everyone is welcome! Hope to hear from you.
Cheers! ^^
Emma
One of the greatest fears was the possibility of eternal recurrence, that everything that had been through would keep repeating itself, that nothing would change. As Nietzshe had said, we needed to embrace amor fati, the love of fate. We needed to trust that all suffering and loss we'd endured was ultimately good, that everything that'd happened had a predestined purpose. Only then could we stimulate a transformation of consciousness.
You know what kind of an environmental blight golf courses are? An eighteen-hole golf courses uses eight hundred thousand gallons of water a day, and requires four tons of germicides, pesticides, and hebicides every year. Most of the chemicals are corcinogenic - organophosphate, methylmercury. They run off and leach ino the ground and kill everything within miles of generations. All of this development - it's all big - boxification and sprawl-Mart. Forty-six acres of farmland are paved over every hour in our countries, and the agribusiness that's left, you just don't know what the hell you're eating anymore, all these GMO's, cows and chickens fed with corn and soybean pumped up with antibiotics that breed resistant stains of bacteria, these farmed fish with PCB's. It's all Frankenfood. You just can't imagine the consequences. That's the problem it's a lack of imagination. Your SUV, for example. You know it produces one pound of CO2 for every mile you drive? You drive twenty thousand miles a year, that's ten tons of CO2 expelled into the air annually. Mulitply that by a billion cars, along with all the methane and chlorofluorocarbons released every day, and you wonder why the ozone layer is being depleted, why there's a hole over the Arctic Circle, why there's global warming?
Think about it - it's not too late for a new beginning~ Life is much wonderful if we value what is more vital in our lives. You can't bring these corporeal when you die. All these gewgaw are temporary and couldn't bring the real happiness. Life is too short not to share with the people we all love. Family and real friends are priceless; all the mundane fun are just an erzats that clings into our lives. There's no such thing as forever and lifetime but only memory and even this one might faded along the way. Your beauty might scars by any accident but your heart, will still be the same and never be worn out - this is the real beauty. Society tells you what to wear, what fashion is; how to be sexy and how to live your life given by these all-commercialize info that tantalize your mind. Addiction became aversion.
What I'm trying to say is...
Pray, Eat, and Love - have you watch and read it? You should try, it's very inspiring and a real-life story.
Top Ten Things I want to Do before I Die
1. To Build a Foundation for Kids – I’ve been dreaming to have my own Foundation for homeless kids, kids that cannot afford to go to school, kids that needs love and care and a home to grow and live with. But I need enough resources to fulfill this dream and some human resources as well to make it come true.
2. To Become a Writer – I love writing anything, from novel, diaries, sentiments, feelings, notes and love letter! It feels good to express your own emotion and thoughts through writing. I want to express it the way I want it. And sometimes, I want to publish it so the whole world will know about it.
3. I Want to Become a Musician/ Singer – There are times in my life that I imagine myself singing on the stage with millions of people in front of me or joining some band or singer groups. Or perhaps compose my own song. Or make my own video production. Even if I am not gifted to such a bliss voice like Paramore or Celine Dion. I dreamt about it!
4. D o some teaching in poor Asian countries such as Nepal or Indonesia – I discover lately that I love teaching even though before I’ve hated to become a teacher. But I am a teacher now so, the feeling it brings me is good and for me to be able to help students to learn something not just from the book but from the life itself. In behalf with this, I would love to visit some countries that I can teach for free or volunteer teaching in these countries that are lack of human resources for teaching or even more.
5. Adopt a child – Well, let’s say I like Angelina Jolie the fact that she adopted different children from different races. I am not rich or something, it’s just I think having kid not as your bioligical child is fun and I just feel that there are lots of kids that need more attention and a loving parent and a real home. Especially some kids that are abandoned and those homeless kids.
6. Take a Holiday in a Beach Resort with my whole family like Amanpulo in Palawan – It’s good to relax and I want to share it with my family, especially my parents and my kid. They’ve never experience it before so I think this is a very wonderful thought and to have fun with them like a family bonding.
7. To have my own Yoga Studio – I am fond of Yoga and some kind of fitness relations. Health is wealth. I’ve had that desire after my husband died because of lung cancer. So, I promise to take some extra care for myself, the way I eat, the way I live and the lifestyle. I can even share this with friends and family. Meditation is really good, it can relax your whole body system.
8. Design my own house and live near the beach – I used to have my own house, but nowadays I am living in an apartment of with some relatives, if ever that I can build for my own I want to design it and create it wholeheartedly and that house should be at the beach or near the beach.
9. To study again – I would love to study different courses in life such as Culinary Arts, Fashion Design, Computer, Child Psychology, Philosophy and English. I mean life is so short so I want to make the best out of it and learn something that I can use and share with people. I am not greedy but I would like to earn more knowledge and be a better person.
10. To Have my Own Family – A happy home and full of love that I can share for the rest of my life. I want to fall in love again and spend the rest of my life with Him (whoever he is).
