My dear friends! Today I am starting a series of blogs where you can practice in critique. Sure, I will correct all your comments, but be laconic, please or you will have to wait for my corrections for long.
The idea is the following. In each blog I will post your stories on the same/similiar topic. For example, all the stories in this blog can be considered as love stories. At least, they are about men-and-women relationship. I have chosen the best. You should read all the stories and express your opinion about them. For me to be able to correct you all, I'd like to make it as a contest. You should write about the story you like best and the one you dislike worst. Besides, you should tell me what story is the best in your opinion. I hope, everything is clear about the rules.
Now, I have to say the following. Please, don't pay attention to the words in bold or italic. They are either corrections or the words asked to be used in the challenge. It will take me much time to edit them. All stories are corrected. You should estimate the writing style, the idea and so on.
So, here are the stories.
NO 1.
Being younger and single I liked going out with handsome men if they knew how to behave. As I have always adored country music and dances I often visited one country club in my neighborhood. And one day I came across HIM. He was astonishing! Tall, athletic, very handsome blue-eyed unshaven cowboy giving off all odors of a stable! But he was a perfect country dancer and singer and I have to admit, when I hear good country my heart melts! So, when he invited me for a date, I couldn’t say “NO”. We agreed he would call for me the next day.
So, next day, hearing his voice in the front yard, I looked out and was about to faint! I saw him on the back of a great mustang holding the other on the string. It was for me! I said to myself “Well! I am not a bad rider but who told you I am going to tame a mustang at the first date?!” As my car had broken down a day before and there are no streetcars and almost any other city transport in my area I told him to hire a car if he wanted to take me out and he did it.
We started out at last. He was driving and suddenly started slowing down and blinking going to park near the very luxurious apartment building. I thought “What are we doing here?” But when he invited me in, served me romantic latte and asked me to feel free while he would be out for a minute I thought “OK, I may change my mind”. I heard him being in the bathroom taking a shower and shaving. But when he showed up, I was about to faint again! It was just another man! He was clean- shaved giving off aroma of good French perfumes having on a tuxedo and a bow tie. His pans didn’t hang as he had put on suspenders. That moment I thought “Why haven’t I taken a teddy with me and haven’t put on an evening gown?” He seemed to read my thoughts. The doorbell rang and I was delivered the greatest evening gown I had ever had! I put it on and he took me out for a reception with a great choice of appetizers, cold dishes and desserts. When it was over I still wondered why I hadn't taken a teddy with me! That moment I was eager to put it on for him to have something to take off.
Well, the moral of this fable is: appearances are deceptive!
NO 2.
Shelly lived in Washington and she was really sceptic about men. It was due to her bad experience with her former boyfriend who had cheated her. She hadn’t gone out for a date for a long time. She had a funny thought that she was immune to men already. One day, Shelly went to an amusement park with her friend, Lily. They had cotton candies and ice lollies there. While they were walking and chatting, a man suddenly bumped into Shelly. Shelly started getting (was about to get) angry but she became dumbstruck when she saw the man. He was really a handsome man with a great smile. The man apologized to her repeatedly and introduced himself as Ben. He told them that he had just moved there from New York. Well, Shelly was really infatuated with his smile. So, she wasn’t immune to men as she had thought. Ben asked for Shelly’s card and walked quickly to the streetcar as he said he had an important meeting.
After a week, Ben called her and invited her for dinner at a restaurant. Ben was a true gentleman. He opened the door and held her to sit down. He ordered delicious appetizers for them. Besides, the entree, side dish, salad, the dressing were really superb too. The true American dish, medium rear steaks, was really delicious. They had a wonderful time together getting to know each other. It was a perfect date indeed.
The next weekend, they were on the road again. They were going for their second date. It was raining heavily at that time and the windshield of Ben’s car was getting blurry. So, they had to slow down. Suddenly, the car broke down. Fortunately, they were not far from Ben’s apartment. So, they went there instead. They were really wet because of the rain. So, Shelly went to the bathroom, to refresh herself. When she came out, Ben presented her a big box. Shelly was surprised with the present. Ben asked her to open it. Inside the box were a teddy and an evening gown. Ben told her that she could put on the evening gown for dinner because he had hired a car for them.
While Ben was in the other room, Shelly put on her new evening gown and had a hot latte. It was really refreshing. When Ben came out, he really looked very handsome. He was a true American man having on the pants, suspenders, tuxedo and all the rest. Shelly melted. “Oh my, how fortunate I am. He is not just handsome man but a true gentleman”, she thought. She hoped that Ben would be her boyfriend. Afterwards, they went out for dinner. To Shelly’s great surprise, the restaurant was decorated beautifully, not as usual. Suddenly, Ben gave her a bouquet of red roses and asked her to be his girlfriend. Well, of course Shelly accepted it. She was really happy because Ben was a perfect American man for her. Then, Ben told her the real truth that his car was not broken at all. He just wanted to surprise his perfect woman. I’m sure there will be a wedding reception soon.
NO 3.
Hmmm, hello people of the world! Let me tell you my story or rather more correctly, it must be my observation about humans, they are weird creatures if you ask me.
Eating, talking, talking, eating, that is all what they can do, I get bored of all their bla, bla, bla and making odd noises while they are eating, and all that wine they can drink in endless amounts visiting the toilet all the time. It really makes no sense in my Tuxedo world.
Oooh, I am sorry, how impolite of me, where are my manners? Well, let me give you all a presentation of who I am.
I am one of the world most expensive and exclusive tuxedos, yes dears, I am a Kiton. I was made in Naples, Italy, made to measures to fit the only one particular person. I was shipped to the USA, along with my tuxedo fellows distributed to different stores.
I was delivered to my owner. It can be debatable who owns whom because it is well known that clothes make a man, so, in my understanding it is me who owns him, therefore I prefer to address him as my human. By the way, his name is Nikolay.
All that happened half a year ago.
Today we seem to be going out again somewhere, he has taken me out of the closet, he is going to wear suspenders along with me, I can see them on the bed beside me. He only wears suspenders on some special events when he has to look serious.
Probably he is finally going to propose...tsk..tsk..tsk..humans! How uncertain they are! They do not know how to grab an opportunity and then opportunities have a habit to escape from them. When it happens, they get something they call heart sorrows, I still wonder what they are, lucky me I am a tuxedo. Yeah, people call them feelings. I can hear him in the bathroom taking a bath.
Well, let me tell you all, my human is fair to me, I fit him perfectly well, he is a charismatic man. Actually to make it completely clear, he is one who fits me, not vice versa .
Oooh, my, my, it seems like something of a serious matter, he is having dry martini as an appetizer, it only happens when something important is going on, see now, my tuxedo mind is getting curious.
I always like to see the apartment building from outside, there is something antique about the building we live in. We seem to be going to his favorite restaurant again.
My human don't have to hire a car, he has a personal driver. He is taking with his driver, telling him to slow down. It feels liberating to see Seattle again, after hanging in the closet for weeks.
Last time he had dinner there, was with a red dress, a date, of course there was a lady in the red dress, how snobbish that red dress was, I couldn't stand her, gosh! What a boring attitude she had.
At the restaurant sits a tuxedo in front of us, it is a Bottega Veneta, hmm not as exclusive as I am. Today my human is having dinner with one of his colleagues. I can hear them ordering their dinner, humans are so predictable, they live by force of habit.
I know exactly what he is ordering, a steak medium rare, typical males’ choice. My human is very well mannered, his eating habits, never has he ever spilled a drop of anything on me, after all, I have to maintain a certain reputation among the other tuxedos.
It is a business dinner, they are discussing politics, putting pressure on someone, for not following the human rights, such kind of business dinners are so boring, generally politics are boring affair, I hate this kind of meetings, it is better when he has dinner with ladies, at least they have manners to notice my presence and to give me compliments.
Well, this is a confidential political talk, can anyone even imagine all those state secrets I know? Well, as I have mentioned before, that is a boring talk, so I am only listening with a half button, yes, yes, I know humans say a half ear, but I am a tuxedo, so I have buttons. It will be a long tiring evening.
Let me look around, there are lots of other tuxedos and dresses talking, laughing and eating, boring human behavior, was I really made for this? What a destiny, don't you agree?
I am getting sleepy, longing for my closet. Finally, we are home, my human hangs me into the closet, tomorrow the housekeeper will come and take me to the cleaner’s, and afterwards I, together with the other tuxedos, will be hanging there in the closet again for weeks.
That was my confession, of course I could have told you much more, interesting details of the previous dates with dresses worn by human ladies, though I still wonder why those evening gowns always land on the floor. Well, I guess one day I will figure it out, but right now I do not want to behave unfaithfully towards my human.
Good night, sleepless Seattle.
NO 4.
From the beginning Brad was very excited about Liana. She was blonde with the beautiful green eyes! Moreover, her smile was just stunning (breathtaking). But, regretfully, they were very busy in/with their professional life. So, they hardy met and sometimes forgot to call up each other!
Actually, Brad was not like others! His skin was a bit greenish- brown and the eyes were yellowish-blue. But, the rest was usual. Sometimes Liana wondered why he made just a few phone calls and most of the time remained silent? It seemed he had to choose the right words and faced a problem to make a conversation. He did not even know the name of the Charles river running through the city!
After one month of their friendship, one night Brad called up. That moment Liana was sleeping on the coach. And, after two or three buzzes she woke up. First, she couldn't recognize his voice. It seemed his voice was coming from a weird place! And, she felt a wave of cold was surging up through her spinal cord.
Later, she pulled herself together and heard Braid was saying that he was going to call on his grandma in Mexico. And he would be there more than one month. Several times he said sorry for calling her up in the mid night but he was bound to do it because, he was going to call off the next weekend dinner which they had scheduled. Obviously, Liana became sad!
She sighed and asked why he had not informed her before? He laughed and told that he was going to call for her about 6 the next morning.
Next morning Brad came to Liana's house at 8 o' clock instead of 6. Liana was thinking that most probably Brad had forgotten his promise. But, when she heard the horn of his car, she just lit up and smiled. Later they had breakfast together and decided to go to Brad's house to help him packing.
After coming there, she saw, there was a mess! Then, she told Brad to cook something for lunch and started clearing up. To tide up she needed a rope so she went to the back yard. There she was shocked. She saw a pink flying saucer with different kinds of lights coming out and somebody inside.
For some minutes she became speechless and couldn't believe her eyes. ''If she is his grandma __who this Brad is?" She immediately thought that she had to break off and started getting back to the house. In the meantime, Brad came behind and saw her blanching!
“Yes, it is Brad just in front of me but who is he in fact?", - she thought. Brad read out her mind instantly and came up to hug her. And, he said in a hoarse voice, '' Liana, I am yours and I am very much interested to stick to our relationship despite the fact that I am not a human like you.''
After hearing him, Liana wanted to call him down badly but did not find any words. On the other hand, Brad kept on telling that he always wanted to stick around her although he was from the Mars. Though Liana wanted to break loose but was not able to deny him totally!
NO 5.
Once, a man called "Off" and a woman called "Up" got married.
Off wasn't a bad person, but he was very lazy. He put things off until the last minute. Because of that, his boss told him off several times. Everyone thought this habit would wear off in time, but he didn't change . Sometimes, he dozed off at his desk. One day, his boss got very angry and laid him off. After that, he started living off his wife.
But Up was a cheerful and hardworking person. She woke up early in the morning, cooked their meals, tided up the house and went to work. At first, she kept her chin up and tried to put up with her lazy husband. As days went by, she got fed up with him, and stopped being miserable. Finally, she broke up their marriage.
When people heard their story, they said that Off was different and Up was different. Indeed off and up are different and have different meanings.
NO 6.
The tree and the storm
He was strong like a tree. No one or nothing could move him on. One day she came into his life like a reckless and rebellious storm. Even though she totally blew him away, he resisted his feelings to her.
But the storm was determined to melt his heart. It swirled and howled and attacked the tree daily and nightly. He endured the storm thinking it would blow over eventually.
When it didn't happen, he blew up and told her to leave him alone. He said he had lots of responsibilities in his life and had no time for her or her love. She cried and told him that the flame of love for him in her heart would never die out.
After that, the storm became stronger than ever before and tried to blow down the tree with all its might. The tree swayed and bent painfully, but refused to give in to the storm.
It was a battle that neither of them won or lost.
