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I always hear from some wise philosophers that we should accept people as they are.
"Never try to change someone.... Love their imperfections.... Respect their freedom.... Only real feelings look like that.... " and... so on...
I agree with that but....
Sould we reconcile with all flaws of someone and suffer from them because we love this person or we have to give up and go away?
Should we point out faults in him or her or just accept it?
I will be grateful for your opinions, guys.
i think its not an accept or not matter..there can not be any perpetual solution in emotional affairs..u can not plan how to love or accept somebody..there will be never ever any prescribe to cure it..its just all about the intention that we foster to the other side..yeah we can accept,but sometimes we should say the faults..like and abhore,regret or will...it doesn t matter..all of them are with us in the circuit..by the life goes on,we will carry all of them not exceptional one of them..and the life flows through wherever it goes..just the good intent,good focus and being practically true not just technically will save us make the ship go..this is not being ideal,being optimal..
I agree it is impossible to plan feelings. They depends on our hearts and don't ask us when to come or to go. I agree that "there can not be any perpetual solution in emotional affairs.." BUT...If something is wrong between people shouldn't we attempt to correct it?
When we start a new relationship we have only GOOD INTENS either with friends or with loved people. No one wants to hurt others. I would say in the beginning any reletionship is always great. Maybe because we try to show off our good sides.
Over time something changes. We get to know each other better and open not only advantages but also disadvantages. Which we have to accept or try to change.
In my opinion If people VALUE each other, If they NEED each other they will clean any mess in their relationship. There is always the way to do that.
Thank you, Alper, for your reasoning.
Thank you, dear Alper, for your comments and for your friends request.
Best regards to you.
As far as this post goes, accepting another person flaws or imperfections is really a great thing!
while I read your question I thought of one thing, can you imagine that someone would feel the same way or ask the same question against you?
what if someone just struggles as much as he could just to accept your flaws or your bad behavior?
likewise what if you are struggling from accepting yourself? and seeking other's people acceptance?
if you can answer all these questions and reflect on them, then you will get as much clear as directions towards what you've been looking for, and remember you are not forced to accept others, similarly, others are not forced to accept you.
Your questions are so curious, dear Rayan.
Let me try to answer them.
As I understood, at first, you try to criticise yourself in any issue. Agreed.To be honest I like self-criticism too. When the situation is complicated I attempt to analyze my mistakes and draw the necessary conclusions. Of course, I am not ideal. For someone I am perfect but maybe for some people I am not good and they can't bear me. You said : " you are not forced to accept others, similarly, others are not forced to accept you." Right. If we dislike a person we can go away easy. I agree with you If it is related to strangers. But.. What to do If it is related to our close people? We love them and don't want to leave, however some of their flaws hurt us all the time. What to do in this case? to ask them to change their behavior or to continue being offended?
Thank you, dear, for your comment.
When being with someone is so hurtful every day, that being alone again is your only wish...
Don't go... RUN!
Although, I don't think it has to be someone's fault... it's just not meant to be, or wrong time, or whatever. I'm not an expert.
You are right, dear NotAGlue.
Sometimes it can be a wrong time or some of circumstances can influence on people bad. Due to that people change to the worse. Not everyone can bear difficult situations and doesn't change.
As you said if we are with someone who hurts us and doesn't understand our resentment we have to run away.
Thank you, dear, for your poin of view.
>>>if we are with someone who hurts us and doesn't understand our resentment we have to run away.
Actually, I didn't say that, and I didn't mean this.
What one person hurts, isn't a problem for another person. So my feelings are always the result of my own expectations, assessments, and (un)fulfilled needs.
Do you mean we should not care of resentment, dear? Not to expect anything and accept people as they are? I don't mean expectations. I mean bad habits and flaws of people which hurt us.
Thank you for your greetings! Best wishes to you too. )))
I mean what we consider bad habits or flaws is different for every person... It depends on our own expectations, assessments, and (un)fulfilled needs. Well, and also on people's culture...
So when something bothers me in the behavior of other people/or my partner ... I shouldn't label it a flaw or bad habit. Instead I would try to make understandable what I think and what I feel when the other person does it...
And I can't expect immediately change... but change will come with time, I'm sure about that.
I got you, dear NotAClue, and I agree with you about that.
By the way someone has the favorite saying: Expect the unexpected! :P