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I always hear from some wise philosophers that we should accept people as they are.
"Never try to change someone.... Love their imperfections.... Respect their freedom.... Only real feelings look like that.... " and... so on...
I agree with that but....
Sould we reconcile with all flaws of someone and suffer from them because we love this person or we have to give up and go away?
Should we point out faults in him or her or just accept it?
I will be grateful for your opinions, guys.
I also often read beautiful and apparently wise quotes from (I guess) wise people but not all them fit with real life at least in my case. This example you show is one of them.
Maybe all of these wise quotes work just for perfect people. In fact, If we want to have a good relationship we should try to minimalize our flaws and make our close people suffer less from that. However, it must be from both sides.
Thank you, dear Estanis, for your opinion. I agree with you.
Dear Svitlana. A good question!
All those wise quotes speak about idealism, but we don't live an idealistic life, we live in realism.
The same as we also are, other people are not perfect, and of course, they don't follow idealistic theses and life attitudes.
An acceptable quantum of imperfection and individualism what we call mistakes, quirks...and so on..., are OK. Sometimes, exactly those small flaws make someone lovable.
If flaws and personality of someone start hurting us, if they make us ill, we should think about of going away. Then, we should listen to the voice of our natural self-preservation-drive.
You are right, dear Rose. We are all imperfect and little flaws make every person unique. When we meet new people and spend more time with them we try to accept all their merits and demerits. Especially when someone becomes closer to us. We even try to remake ourselves for them to keep a good releshionship much longer. But... with the passing of time, we face that this person doesn't even try to change for us. Indeed, it hurts too much.
One man said: " Don't be like a slave for someone. Feel like a queen in your life and life will love you".
Thank you, my dear philosopher, for your nice advice. )))
If I talk about this, it could be a nonsense, cos I just observed what had been around me.
Let me share my opinion, anyway.
Love should also mean a commitment. When troubles are there, both should remember commitment, that is doing introspection each other, is one of the commitment. If one doesn't realize this and goes too far, the commitment should be into a question.
I think it's not a problem about pointing out faults. However, a very good and relaxed communication should be there. Then, they can mull it over again and decide.
Have a good day! :)
I fully agree with your lines: " Love should also mean a commitment. When troubles are there, BOTH should remember commitment". Also BOTH people should care of each other and make their flaws less hurting If they want to stay together.
The problem is when I point out flaws in some people it makes them insulted. They blame me that I should understand them better. Even a good communication is not enough sometimes.
Thank you, dear Onee, for your nice comment and for your wishes.
Have a lovely time too.
We are all different, and everyone has his own experience in life. Every person wants to be respected/accepted and loved as he is. But what about the problems that can never be accepted? For example, betraying, drinking alcohol, cruel treatment, gambling, etc.?
There are always two in the relationship. Both partners have to be ready to work on themselves, to be happy together despite the difficulties. If one doesn’t want to work hard to maintain the unite, it is better to consider all the pros and cons - what you lose and what you get, staying with the person you love but not accepting being treated badly… it is better to go because, over time, all the bad qualities/habits only increase.
To the words “and suffer from them because we love this person” I would say that we can still love them on a distance, remembering all the wonderful moments we had with them, but not suffering: life is too short to sacrifice it for someone who doesn't care about it.
Thank you for discussion )
Oh, dear Olga!
What an interesting point of view. I am really impressed of it.
Especially I liked your words : " I would say that we can still love them on a distance, remembering all the wonderful moments we had with them, but not suffering..."
You are totally right..." life is too short to sacrifice it for someone who doesn't care about it."
Someone said: " You suffer now because you had happy moments before."
IS IT FAIR? Should I pay this high price? Isn't it better to enjoy the life always?
Thank you, Olga, for your opinion.
Hi again, Svitlana ))
Unfortunately even now many people in our society still have a saying “if he beats you, it means he loves you” as a rule to live (you must know this saying).
With this attitude, the family is unlikely to be complete and happy, and by the example shown to the children, we teach them that we have to suffer and endure, and not live at the behest of your heart.
Surely, before to go we have to try all the means we might have, and even more, to work about the relationship, never giving up…
High words about love are great…but one who suffered a lot knows exactly what future expects such families…
Again, there always should be two people. And if there is only one who struggles… Is that love?
Thank you for involving into the discussion )))
I agree with you again. Surely I know this saying and I am really angry about that. Some societies always try to accustom us to obeying. We can hear: "... Life is hard... Circumstances are difficult... We live in a cruel world... We have to adapt to these situations... Be thankful for what you have... and... blah..blah...blah..."
Why don't people try to be better? Isn't it so hard to give a piece of happiness to others?
Of course it takes some efforts but it is worth it.
Maybe you are right, Olga. This is not love. This is "comfort zone" for some people and they don't want to break it.
Thank you for your activity here. )))
Warmest wishes to you. )))
We should't change unchangable things. And it is TEMPERAMENT. According pscychologists temperament is „way“ of reaction and it can not be changed. Wa all know for 4 types of temperament.. You can not force melanholic to react as choleric would.. nor phlegmatic as sangvinic or vise versa.. It is his/her nature.. You can like it or not.. you can accept it or go :)
In some situation you would like your husband be calm and silent, slow in decision, deep thinking, hiding emotions or so.. but if his temper is just opposite.. then you lose your time in expecting him to start to change in reacting.. More over, you do such pressure of him that he would feel sadness and depression.. Coz he can not change himself, and if he do, then it is not HIM, he become some other person just to satified you.. Which is not good solution not for him nor for you.. In that case, no one of you will be happy in such relationship. So the most wise step would be „TO ACCEPT OR GO“
Btw, we are not able to change our own temper so much, then how to change someone's else..?
It is not same as character. We can change character.. And all what is included in it.
So, it is normal you will try to change bad habits, try to improve some good sides.. At least, if you really love and care him then you should work on it.. You would ask it even in friendship, coz you care for your friend.. Then how to be careless toward preson whom you share your life with..?
Ofc, in that way you will need so much patience, skillful, methods , enough will, desire, love... Depend on that and many other thing you will have succes in it or you will fail..
After all you will decide by self will you be happier if you ACCEPT or GO
You mention SUFFER coz of someone..
One is for sure : Nobody is obliged to SUFFER someone's behave in relationship.
Have a nice day :)
Right, dear Ella!
It is impossible to remake a character or temperament of someone. To be honest I have never tried to do that. When we become closer to people it mean we like all in them. Moreover we try to improve ourselves to make someone happier but we can't understand why those people can't do it for us either. Is it so difficult to use "some patience, skillful, methods , enough will, desire, love..." as you said ? Is it so hard to make a great relationship? They just need to make a little efforts and give a bit attention and care.
In spite of all promisses to be better they do nothing in return.
Thank you, dear Ella, for your thoughts. I was really interested to know them.