I would like to introduce Miles to my EC friends. On April 12 he will be adopted by my son and wife so he will become their son legally. They are foster parents, which in our country means they are licensed to care for children-at-risk. Sometimes parents cannot take care of their children properly and foster parents take them into their homes and give them food, clothing, love and nurturing. Miles's parents were addicted to heroine and could no longer care for him. So after 8 months of caring for him my son and wife decided to adopt him. Usually foster children go back to their parents when the parents are rehabilitated. But this did not happen as the parents could not stop their use of heroine. The courts recently awarded my son and wife permanent custody of Miles. He is such a happy boy now and he loves his new parents as they love him.
Foster care does not always work well for children if they are passed from foster home to foster home because of behavior problems. Miles is one of the lucky ones, for sure, and so many foster parents are really good people. How does your country or culture handle children-at-risk? What do you think the pros and cons are for being a foster parent or for the children in their care? Would you want to do this kind of service or not? And what do you think about the benefits of adopting a child. What are the challenges?
Comments
Viviana,
Yes, fostering and adoption can both be awkward topics. Today is the fifth birthday for Miles. He is a bright, intelligent and happy child. His story has been a successful one. What is nice is that my son and his wife have had an open adoption in that Miles's keeps in touch with his biological family through Skype. And they are in fact visiting Miles for his birthday right now. They are the ones who were unfortunately in a cell-phone-related car accident but are basically OK. It is so good to see Miles enjoying his biological family in person. They live on the other side of the USA so cannot visit often. His grandmother, aunt and cousin are all here.
Unfortunately Miles and his biological mother and father do not see each other. They will have to change their lives a bit before they can re-establish a relationship with him. They have been in drug rehabilitation and that is wonderful, but the mother, especially is still not making good decisions in her life. There is more hope for the father. I hope some day there will be reconciliation, but at the moment it is not looking hopeful. So sad.
And yes, the four foster children they had before Miles were all returned to their biological parents or adopted by other parents. And it was heart-wrenching but rewarding to have helped.
Besides I was forgetting to say tht to be a foster parent you need to be generous...can you imagine how dificult it is to let a child you have loved go back to theyr natural parents?
Hello bill,
well this is a very awkawrd topic. Fostercare is not easy, not easy both for parents and chindren. Emotional bonds can be very strong and difficults to deal wth. What if the foster care last for a long while? Either it can happen tht children and foster parents can't relate well. On the other hand we have these children abandoned in loveless orphanage ... both the solution can lead the child to psycologycal problems...What's important to children is the stability of theyr emotional bonds. Uff too much blabbling just to say I'm glad your son and his wife could have adopted this child, to wish them luck and love and to hope tht more can be happyending solutions to these cases.
Van,
Thanks for your comments on this issue. I think you have a very positive attitude about it. Yes, there is a risk in being a foster parent and even more in adopting them. But I think the rewards are many for the child adopted and the family. To this day, Miles continues to be a happy boy who has adjusted well to his new family. He had some problems at first but one by one they have disappeared as he had experience stability and love. I can't imagine our lives without him.
J S,
Thanks for your comment. I think that the Internet and social networking can help us all share ideas on how to make life better for all people in the world. I know that we, in the United States, can learn a lot from other countries as well. I do recommend fostering children as a way to help children-at-risk to be loved into a healthier situation.
Ika,
Thanks for your support in what we did. I hope you can be successful in fostering children some day. It can be difficult, but we saw that a great deal of love and care can heal children emotionally. Miles has become a wonderful child through all the love we all have given him. He knows how fortunate he is and feels a part of the family just as much as his sister who is our biological granddaughter. I feel no difference in my love for either Miles or Cora. He is becoming a very nice and responsible boy. Love can overcome many things. I feel so sad for the exploited children you described. It is sad there is not more support for them. Hopefully as all our nations develop more and more we can find ways to help these children better.
Javed,
Thanks for your kind words. I agree that children are a precious gift of God. And our family has a deep belief in God and because of this we believe that God would have us do this. There are risks for the family that adopts. The children may be damaged by their previous treatment. But I believe love and care can often help the child to be happy and well-adjusted.
Phuong,
Thanks for commenting on my blog about Miles. I can tell you that he had done very well during this last year of his adoption. The nurture my son and daughter-in-law have given him has healed him greatly. He is a very happy boy and feels safe with his new family. A year ago a psychologist said he was emotionally and intellectually a year behind where he should be. And now he is doing extremely well emotionally and is ahead of his age group intellectually. What a difference nurturing has on children.
I have to say so beautiful eyes ....the Miles' eyes are expresive, he looks smart and a little fearful.
Last year one of my best friends and her husband adopted two children who are brothers a girl and a boy, that it was great because I think they needed each to others, now they are a very happy family.
Unfortunatelly in my country there are not enough programs to support the kids who could be in risk due bad behaviour of parents, and the legal process for to adopt it's very complicated, it took 3 years to my friend to adopt her kids.Finally she succeeded.
Now I notice her kids love them, they are very friendly with everybody , they need a friendly enviroment and too much love.
Thanks for introduce your grand son... and congratulations...to your son and your daughter in law.
Judith
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