Nah, Learning English not for me!

I tried every way but eventually, I failed to be a Fairless English speaker. 

 I memorized thousands of words, phrases, appropriate prepositions during my last 10 years but I have forgotten most of them. 

 I joined many speaking clubs, Toastmaster club, FB group, skype group even currently I am running a speaking club by zoom eventually all are worthless. 

 I followed the suggestions of many experts but I couldn't figure out my problem. 

 Joined many social platforms like EcClub but these are not enough for me. 

 I had been staying alone hours after hours in a remote area(usually people don't visit )  just for reading loudly because someone said it would be helpful for correcting pronunciation but still my pronunciation is not perfect. I felt regret when someone does not understand my accent or meaning.

 I recorded my speech and listened to it again and again but it was not helpful to me.  

 I stood in front of the mirror.

I think the source of all of my failures is only and only my confidence. I don't have it. I can't speak at the same time confidently & incorrectly (some experts advised me to talk as much as I can, I shouldn't focus on my mistakes). Because my personal definition of confidence is, Source of confidence is doing/saying the right things and the proper way. Because what people thinking about me does matter. 

Do I have to change my definition of confidence?

 Now I am collapsed, feeling hopeless & helpless. I want to give up right now for running after something that's not fit for me. 

 Finally, I have decided I will stop thinking about learning English, I will accept my fate that English is not for me, will accept that this is the maximum ability that I could do. 

 No one but me did injustice to myself. I made myself stressed. I forced myself to run after a fake light. I unfairly did compare myself with people who were better than me. 

 Hey, my soul? Are you hearing me? Please forgive me! I couldn't understand you at all. I promise I will take care of you from now on. I will definitely follow your instruction, your whispering. Believe me, I will be a very good mind reader from now on. Don't leave me! I will love you forever! Can’t you see my wet eyes? I am sorry, I forgot that you are my most precious and important part of my body. You are the source of confidence indeed. 

However, I will continue what I have been doing before but for communicating not for learning.  

 Do you have any suggestions after all those things happening to me?

 

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  • believe that I've tried every way but eventually, I think that I've failed to be a completely Fearless English speaker. (And yet I'm writing blogs and publishing videos and audio recordings.)

     I memorized thousands of words, phrases, appropriate prepositions during my last 10 years but I have forgotten most of them. (Well, I can't say anything about that... )

     I joined many speaking clubs, Toastmaster club, FB group, skype group even currently I am running a speaking club by zoom eventually I believe that all are worthless. 

     I followed the suggestions of many (so called and self-appointed) experts but I couldn't figure out my problem. (The problem of being not perfect yet... hmmm...)

     Joined many social platforms like EcClub but these are not enough for me. (Because I think the more the better...?)

     I had been staying alone hours after hours in a remote area(usually people don't visit )  just for reading loudly because someone said it would be helpful for correcting pronunciation but still my pronunciation is not perfect.  (But how can I correct my pronunciation when I don't hear myself like a listener? And how would I know to do it better without having a reliable source?  But, of course, it still has a lot of beneficial effects, so it wasn't in vain at all. I just forget about that all the time! ) I felt regret when someone does not understand my accent or meaning. (Maybe I didn't pronounce it perfectly, maybe the listener was half deaf, or unable to understand spoken English... and many more possibilities can lead to that. But yeah, maybe I'm not perfect, yet... )

     I recorded my speech and listened to it again and again but it was not helpful to me.  (Maybe I forgot to compare it with the pronunciation of a native reader (like the speaker of an audiobook, or I forgot writing down the words that are defficult to pronounce for me...?  Maybe I actually made progress but I'm still not perfect...?)

     I stood in front of the mirror. (Hmm... did I wanna become a public speaker or teacher? )

    I think the source of all of my imaginary failures is only and only my inner critic confidenceI don't have itThe inner critic is so loud I can't see my accomplishments and progress anymore. I can't speak at the same time confidently & incorrectly (some experts advised me to talk as much as I can, I shouldn't focus on my mistakes). Because my personal definition of confidence is, Source of confidence is doing/saying the right things and the proper way. Because what people thinking about me does matter. Yeah, what do I think about other non perfect English speakers? Do I believe they've failed too?

    Do I have to change my definition of confidence? Maybe I should replace my definition of failure and perfection as well?? Or experts... maybe those weren't experts at all? Maybe I'm the only person who can find out what works for me??

     Now I am collapsed, feeling hopeless & helpless. I want to give up right now for running after something that's not fit for me.  (Gosh, I feel that way two times a day ...  A Brief note by my ghostwriter, a total expert in tearing oneself down, and destroying every self-confidence... ;P)

     Finally, I have decided I will stop thinking about learning English (TODAY), I will accept my fate that English wasn't my native language to begin with...) for me, will accept that this is the maximum ability that I could do (FOR NOW)

     No one but me did injustice to myself. I made myself stressed. I forced myself to run after a fake light. I unfairly did compare myself with people who were better than me. (And didn't take into account what reasons that could have ... )

     Hey, my soul? Are you hearing me? Please forgive me! I couldn't understand you at all. I promise I will take care of you from now on. I will definitely follow your instruction, your whispering. Believe me, I will be a very good mind reader from now on. Don't leave me! I will love you forever! Can’t you see my wet eyes? I am sorry, I forgot that you are my most precious and important part of my body. You are the source of confidence indeed. 

    However, I will continue what I have been doing before but for communicating not for learning.  

     Do you have any suggestions after all those things happening to me?

    ---

    Nope! Everything is fine. ;-) *No grammar corrections included*

    • I followed the suggestions of many (so-called and self-appointed) experts but I couldn't figure out my problem. (The problem of being not perfect yet... hmmm...)

      Yes not being perfect or not my level. Sometimes I feel this is not my level. I am more than this, but why can't I show my best one? 

       Joined many social platforms like EcClub but these are not enough for me. (Because I think the more the better...?)

      Actually, I didn't mean quantity here. Moreover, I meant  those was not beneficial for me. 

       

       I had been staying alone hours after hours in a remote area(usually people don't visit )  just for reading loudly because someone said it would be helpful for correcting pronunciation but still my pronunciation is not perfect.  (But how can I correct my pronunciation when I don't hear myself like a listener? And how would I know to do it better without having a reliable source?  But, of course, it still has a lot of beneficial effects, so it wasn't in vain at all. I just forget about that all the time! )  

      You are right!! My negative thinking eating my all positive things. 

       I recorded my speech and listened to it again and again but it was not helpful to me.  (Maybe I forgot to compare it with the pronunciation of a native reader (like the speaker of an audiobook, or I forgot writing down words that are difficult to pronounce for me...?  Maybe I actually made progress but I'm still not perfect...?)

      Yes, there might be a gap. I should focus on that. Even sometimes I do not dare enough to listen to my recordings  thinking there may be many mistakes ( Ha Ha)   

       

      I stood in front of the mirror. (Hmm... did I wanna become a public speaker or teacher? )

      Not really but I want to see my body language and facial expression. 

       

      I think the source of all of my imaginary failures is only and only my inner critic's confidence. The inner critic is so loud I can't see my accomplishments and progress anymore. I can't speak at the same time confidently & incorrectly (some experts advised me to talk as much as I can, I shouldn't focus on my mistakes). Because my personal definition of confidence is, Source of confidence is doing/saying the right things and the proper way. Because what people thinking about me does matter. Yeah, what do I think about other non-perfect English speakers? Do I believe they've failed too?

      I don't think they are failed but they can handle the situation confidently although they are not perfect. 

       

      Do I have to change my definition of confidence? Maybe I should replace my definition of failure and perfection as well?? Or experts... maybe those weren't experts at all? Maybe I'm the only person who can find out what works for me??

      I will replace it but will take time and my sacrifice. 

       

       Now I am collapsed, feeling hopeless & helpless. I want to give up right now for running after something that's not fit for me.  (Gosh, I feel that way two times a day ...  A Brief note by my ghostwriter, a total expert in tearing oneself down, and destroying every self-confidence... ;P)

      should get rid of it?

       

       Finally, I have decided I will stop thinking about learning English (TODAY), I will accept my fate that English wasn't my native language to begin with.  for me, and will accept that this is the maximum ability that I could do (FOR NOW). 

      Ha Ha… you are forcing me to change my mind!!  I liked it. 

      Thank you very much NotAclue! Glad to see your brief comments. 

      MyEc is worthy because of someone like you who can offer their helping hand without thinking twice. 

      Definitely, someone will be beneficial from this platform is he/she can reveal their secrets. 

    • Wow......just..WOW

  • >>>  Hey, my soul? Are you hearing me? Please forgive me! I couldn't understand you at all. I promise I will take care of you from now on. <<<
    That's a good start I'd say. ;-) Damn, too bad I can't hug you... since you're fake. ;)

    • Haha 

      I fake can hug another fake in a fake way.

  • whose story is it? cos as far as I understand you do not write fake bios....means it's not yours.

    • Ha Ha

      Nice Question.

      it's mine ...

      I am fake but my story is not...

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