ESL Blogs

Dear Papa,

Today, I was driving to work when suddenly, I thought of you.

The last few years have been difficult for me.

Where were you?

My heart started feeling empty, yet heavy.

I began to wonder if you're thinking about me too.

It's been a long while, hasn't it?

Have you been well?

Happy?

I pray so.

I know this is unexpected of me to write to you.

It's something I've never done in the past.

It's a pity that we never got a chance to be together at all.

You weren't there to hold me when Mother gave birth to me.

You weren't there to give me a scolding whenever I'd get myself into trouble.

You weren't there to advise me when I wasn't sure about my future.

You missed out on all of the special events in my life.

But honestly, I don't remember ever missing you.

It's weird how I never felt jealous with other kids who have cool Dads.

It's funny how I never felt resentful though I never had anyone to call 'Father'.

It's pathetic that when Mother wanted to give me one, I rejected the thought.

Perhaps, it's because I was born without it, I grew up used to not having one.

I feel mostly contented with everyone and everything else I've been given.

All my life I never felt lacking...needing...longing...wanting....

It's silly that after all these years, only now I'm starting to feel that I lost you.

Only now I'm starting to wish that you were here.

Only now I'm starting to wonder how my life would have been if you were around.

Mother said you passed away exactly a month before I was born.

We visit your grave every year to pay respect to someone I never knew.

I have neither photographs nor memories of you.

Instead, she gave me a name that will constantly remind me of yours.

The only legacy that I can be proud of.

To know that I am my father's daughter.

That I owe you my existence.

That though I was deprived of a chance of knowing you, I can still love you, nonetheless.

Now, looking back and remembering my past and all the things I went through in life.

Though your presence is never seen, I wanna think that you let your presence to be always felt.

All this time you were watching your daughter grow.

Like during those days I was having the time of my life, somewhere in your own world, you were probably celebrating my success and achievements also.

The time it seemed like I was wandering all alone in this world, I bet you were walking along with me so not to lose my way.

That moment I almost died in a car accident, you must be the one who pleaded with God not to take me away too soon for the sake of my child.

And today when tears were trying to escape my eyes, you too were crying, weren't you?

It may be too late to say, but now that I think about it....

I missed you, after all, Papa!

Love,

-Ohnie-