I was insulted on chat! or was I?

Narcist!  

The word glared at me from my computer screen as I was chatting.  How should I respond to such an exclamation?  Should I be angry?  Demand that the person be tarred and feathered and run out of EC on a rail?  Should I demand they be given a thousand lashes with a wet noodle?  Should I laugh and ask if they know what the word narcist means?

90+ % of the people who chat at EC do not speak natively fluent English.  In any group of people trying to use a foreign tongue, whether here or elsewhere, there will be some faux pas.  I've made them as I have traveled around in non-English speaking countries, and I have witnessed many made by English language learners.  I've put my foot in my mouth more than once.  It's natural.  While teaching in Mexico, I told one of my students that she had made a "silly" mistake on her paper.  In her Spanish - English dictionary, the word silly was translated as "tonto" which means "fool" in its worst meaning.  She was in tears.  She misunderstood the expression.  If I had called her "tonto", I would had been in the wrong.  As it was, the misunderstanding was there.  When I explained what "silly mistake" actually meant, she wasn't offended but laughed at how it was different from what she thought.  She still talks to me to this day.  She is my friend.

Opportunities abound to be offended IF you chose to look for offenses.  It is a good idea to always give the person you are chatting with the benefit of the doubt.  Or as Benjamin Franklin once said "Search others for their virtues, thy self for thy vices"     Poor Richard's Almanac December 1738".    As illustrated by my two real examples above, it is easy for communication mistakes to happen when language learners gather.  The wrong word or expression will be used, or used in the wrong context.  

It is even easy for them to happen when you have all native speakers communicating.  I spent a month one time with people from 12 large corporations who were trying to write an agreement on a project where they all shared an interest.  We spent one month on one paragraph.  One day I realized that everyone wanted the exact same thing.  The problem was that half of the people thought the existing language provided what they all wanted while the other half interpreted that language to have a different meaning altogether.  The solution was to change the wording.  A whole month of miscommunication due to two or three words.  

So don't be quick to "fly off the handle" when somebody says something to you in chat that maybe just doesn't sound proper or even sounds out and out rude such as "Narcist!"  It may just be that what they said wasn't what they intended. Or perhaps they have a different understanding of the word or expression than you (see my example above with "silly").   Mistakes happen but  "[t]he greatest mistake you can make in life is to be continually fearing you will make a mistake"  R Ahmed.  Don't be the one that creates an atmosphere on chat where people fear to make a mistake.  No one has ever learned any language without making mistakes.  Learn to laugh rather than scold.  Make sure the person really intended to offend you before you get offended.  Your understanding and their intention may not be the same. And remember "He has a right to criticize, who has a heart to help."  Abraham Lincoln.  

Now how do you think I responded when (name withheld to protect the guilty) called me "Narcist!"?  

How will you respond the next time someone says something to you on chat that you interpret as "rude" or "bad"?

PS:  A side benefit to reading and pondering this blog , other than learning to be more tolerant of others and slower to jump to conclusions,  is that you can also learn some new words, quotes and expressions along the way.  

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Comments

  • I like the quote Jin.  I will have to add it to my collection.

    Mickey  I named no names :)

    noaslpls  Yes some people deliberately use words they shouldn't; they deliberately insult others.  You can tell the difference quickly once you ask if they understand what x word means.  Continued use of  words or expressions after being alerted to their real meaning would indicate that is true.  The key here is not to assume they intend harm but rather let their actions or answers confirm it.  Then either "ignore" them or "report" them if it is sufficiently egregious.  Don't over react.  Don't allow your own sensitivities impair your judgment.  Make sure that it is something the majority of people would be offended by and not just you because of your culture, religion or even up bringing (my mother would NEVER say words such as dang, shot!, or butt but that didn't mean they were bad words to use.). Learn Jin's quote.


  • I just remember this quote by Brigham Young: 

    “He who takes offense when no offense is intended is a fool, and he who takes offense when offense is intended is a greater fool.”

    ^__^


  • Very nice blog!

    I'm not a native English speaker, so I, too, sometimes misinterpret words told by other members. Sometimes i get offended, but i don't react much. And sometimes, it's the other way around, members get offended by the words i am saying, they abruptly jump into conclusion without knowing what I truly meant. and I hate it :) Hmmm... what more can I say? ^__^

    thanks Tim for sharing this. Take care. 

  • Good blog.

    It is possible that some members had just given some tactless remark but our initial reaction as human beings would dictate that there are members too who has the intention of insulting a particular member. As I believe nothing is impossible.  All what I can say is that, this is a public site where people from different social position do come to interact with the others so, I guess we just have to expect for some or little surprises. :)

    Good day, Tim! New.

  • Oh! I misunderstood narcist~ I thought it means not modest [who flatters himself]. jeez!

    um...

  • Sometimes I do try to give the benefit of the doubt to some of them, when I know that person genuinely misunderstood the expression and such. However, sometimes such person assumed that no one knows when (s)he was deliberately using such "fowl" (I am deliberately spelled it this way) words and trying to get away with insulting others. I will see red in such matter.

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