ESL Blogs

Story About My Painting - Flowers In The Separated Bowl

This is the painting which I learned about what it meant after 4 years of doing it.

Most of my painting; was done when I need to tell my story. Most of the time; I would just paint without thinking of the meaning. Most of my painting; has no direct image to represent what I was having on that particular time. Most of the time; the colours will comfort me during my bad days.

My friend visited me one day. Greet, sit, drink and chat.  When I talked about my carrier life, later she asked me about this. “ Bro, why don’t you start your own enterprise? You should be able to do a lot of things. People will start looking at you, and you don’t have to rely to the others. How long you have to work for the others. Well you know if you…bla…bla…” (and so on – she keeps on talking with all sort of grandma stories  and doesn’t give any indication that she will give a stop.)

She didn’t wait for my answer before she gave her own. I smiled. (Some people like to talk and unstoppable; just let it being that way.) I waited long enough to give my version. I waited her to finish up telling me what I should have done. As if I had never had that thought in my life.

I lay back, bring back my memories to 4 years earlier. I took out a 4-years old painting and stood it up before the wall, a bit slanted. It is just a very simple painting. This is the painting all about.

“It’s not that I never stand on my own feet” I started to tell my version.

Well, that time I was a freelancer. I had some contact with independent contractors and house builder, doing designing for them to get paid for my living. It being a while for quite few years before things went wrong.

That day was a bad day for me. In fact, a very bad day. I was badly broke. I had many jobs done but people avoiding or refused to pay. Yet, no new jobs in hand.

I was in client’s office sending my last job, very last job. While walking down in a fire staircase exit, there was somebody dumped an old hanging board with a hanger behind it. I brought it home, clean it, skim coated it, and I took out my colours to paint something. I started to paint my story on that board. That was how I comfort myself on what has been happening.

I drew two bowls, next to each others, with flower inside them. One has a Adonis in it. That’s my reality bowl. The other one has Cosmos flower; that’s the bowl with my dream. They are completely separated each another.

I can’t really think why I choose flower and bowl to tell what I was having that time. But when I got that board, they were the things I thought about. 2 separated bowls with Adonis and Cosmos.

I was always thought that I have a principal that I will always stand on my own feet, no matter what it is. I will always on my own. I believe I have talent, and I won’t be like others- life like a modern slave.

I have dreams, but in the other hand, I have reality to face. Sometimes the dream is just next to the reality but yet too far to grab. That time, I realized that it’s the reality where am standing at. 

I knew I have the will, and I have talent, but without luck and enough knowledge, I lost my way. Anyway, I still believe I have talent. But I also believe everything happened for a reason.

Earlier before that, I just got an offer, which I put it on the table. It was a job offer from a firm. I got to make a decision, since the offer doesn’t appear twice. Would I still going on with this hard life to proof myself to the others or give up my principle to join the crowd.

It’s the painting which reminds me of my hard time, the day I decided on my thought.

“You mean, you dropped down your principle that time? Don’t you feel it was a waste of time after losing a lot of time building your name?”

“Sometimes, egoistic has disguised as principle, sis. It’s not we can’t stand on our own feet. But when we are standing, we need strong feet. ” 

My friend  just let me finish up all I wanted to say. But I noticed she was browsing the net on something through the phone.

“Bro, do you know what those flowers in the painting mean?”

“As I told just now, I just paint on what I had in my head”

“See over here, the Adonis means sad memories and humility. And here: Cosmos means peaceful.”

I look at the display on her phone. Try to digest what I read.

“Means I thought been an employee is humiliating and full of sad memories, while being a freelancer is peaceful.”

“Maybe.”

Only after 4 years, I knew what I had painted meant about. What I thought was just spontaneous act, actually has specific meaning on it. Leads me to another thought, how true is the meaning of those flowers. Erm…which flower is telling your situation? Chill…