the world's premier FREE website for learners + teachers of English

ALERTS TO THREATS IN 2013 EUROPE FROM JOHN CLEESE :)

ALERTS TO THREATS
IN 2013 EUROPE

From JOHN CLEESE

The English are feeling the pinch in relation to recent events in Syria and have therefore raised their security level from "Miffed" to "Peeved." Soon, though, security levels may be raised yet again to "Irritated" or even "A Bit Cross." The English have not been "A Bit Cross" since the blitz in 1940 when tea supplies nearly ran out. Terrorists have been re-categorized from "Tiresome" to "A Bloody Nuisance." The last time the British issued a "Bloody Nuisance" warning level was in 1588, when threatened by the Spanish Armada.

The Scots have raised their threat level from "Pissed Off" to "Let's get the Bastards." They don't have any other levels. This is the reason they have been used on the front line of the British army for the last 300 years.

The French government announced yesterday that it has raised its terror alert level from "Run" to "Hide." The only two higher levels in France are "Collaborate" and "Surrender." The rise was precipitated by a recent fire that destroyed France 's white flag factory, effectively paralyzing the country's military capability.

Italy has increased the alert level from "Shout Loudly and Excitedly" to "Elaborate Military Posturing." Two more levels remain: "Ineffective Combat Operations" and "Change Sides."

The Germans have increased their alert state from "Disdainful Arrogance" to "Dress in Uniform and Sing Marching Songs." They also have two higher levels: "Invade a Neighbour" and "Lose."

Belgians, on the other hand, are all on holiday as usual; the only threat they are worried about is NATO pulling out of Brussels ..

The Spanish are all excited to see their new submarines ready to deploy. These beautifully designed subs have glass bottoms so the new Spanish navy can get a really good look at the old Spanish navy.

Australia, meanwhile, has raised its security level from "No worries" to "She'll be right, Mate." Two more escalation levels remain: "Crikey! I think we'll need to cancel the barbie this weekend!" and "The barbie is cancelled." So far no situation has ever warranted use of the last final escalation level.

Regards,
John Cleese ,
British writer, actor and tall person

And as a final thought - Greece is collapsing, the Iranians are getting aggressive, and Rome is in disarray. Welcome back to 430 BC.

Life is too short...

Views: 1011

Add a Comment

You need to be a member of MyEnglishClub to add comments!

Join MyEnglishClub

Comment by Estanis on September 2, 2013 at 17:39
Well, at least I don,t think Spanish navy will go anywhere nowadays.lol.
P.s. Good comment!

SpamBuster
Comment by noaslpls on September 1, 2013 at 2:01

Hehehehe... I know the European issues are serious, but I just can't help from laughing from this piece of writing. 

How to Report a Member
FIRST, go to the member's page. Click "Report Member" at the bottom of the page. Fill in the form and send.

Popular on EnglishClub
ESL Games
Listen to News
English Grammar
English Vocabulary
Search English Club

MyEC Terms of Service

Technical HELP

Please DON'T Plagiarize!

Test your level

MyEC Moderators
Robbie
Grace
Expector Smith
Nadira 
T Mal

Josef Essberger

Official MyEC Page

Official MyEC Welcoming Committee

Learning English Games

English Prepositions List

Play and learn English. Play at home or in class. Fun and educational. Available here!

Forum

To Die Working or to Smell Roses at Last?

Started by Danny Clark in General Discussion. Last reply by Danny Clark yesterday. 49 Replies

I have never started any general discussions, but I do feel like doing it today. First, I will tell you about my friend, my collaborator and a member of my band who died in a car crash about two weeks ago for you to get my idea.We met many years ago…Continue

Love - "End yourself for beloved"!

Started by Mishaikh in General Discussion. Last reply by Onee-chan on Sunday. 18 Replies

"Love is that condition in which the happiness of another person is essential to your own"What do you think?Continue

How to make world Happy

Started by chocoo in General Discussion. Last reply by Mishaikh 15 hours ago. 3 Replies

One thing is that do good with each and everyone can make the world happy.what are your comments

Wife

Started by dara gino in General Discussion. Last reply by dara gino yesterday. 122 Replies

What are the qualities of the good wife?Do I have to choose a woman as beautiful as Brigitte Bardot or Angelina Jolie?Would a religious, kind and caring woman be an ideal wife?We like beauty. Each woman has her own charm.Could appearances be…Continue

© 2017   Created by Josef Essberger.   Powered by

Badges  |  Report Member  |  Terms of Service