since 1997, the world's premier FREE website for learners + teachers of English

I was surfing the internet not long ago when I ran into a video showing some cross-sex friendships. Watching the video I thought “Just friends? Really?” A second later I remembered that my high school best friend was actually a boy. We used to spend every single minute together, we were literally acting like communicating vessels, you would rarely see one of us without seeing the other one somewhere around. And all this was a completely platonic, pure, everlasting friendship… or at least we thought so till some point. After six-year friendship one of us stopped feeling okay being in the “friend zone”. For one of us (I won’t say who, but it wasn’t me :-D… I’m kidding, I won’t say who, because it doesn’t matter actually) further friendship between us, wasn’t an option any more. And that’s where everything ended up. Probably It wasn’t so unexpected end, because all people around tended to say “Cross-sex buddyhood? Come on, that’s not even a thing, such phenomenon doesn’t exist.” We heard the same statement over and over again, but we didn’t want to believe in it, we preferred to think we were different, our case was different and they were all wrong. They weren’t. Well, I guess sometimes people need to experience things by themselves first and only then they start believing in what they have been told.

“Can men and women just be friends?” This question has been discussed million times, psychologists have been digging for an answer and the answer has always turned up to be “NO”. But as we all know, times change, people change, answers change, so… Maybe some of you have different story, different end, different answer to the question?

 

Views: 448

Reply to This

Replies to This Discussion

       I think having cross friendship  as u mentioned  is far more better  than having a friend  from  the same gender . But because I am a Muslim and an Arab I can't do it really  , I only know them online and they are wonderful  . However  such relationship  must stop for a reason  or another  because  of my religious and cultural  background.  I think  it's okay  somewhere  else in different  society. 

Different societies may have different consideration about cross platform friendship,

I agree with Rosemary comments

From a book name    Cross-Sex Friendship      By   Alan Booth and Elaine Hess


Rosemary,

Thanks for stopping by and leaving your comment! :)
Rosemary said:

       I think having cross friendship  as u mentioned  is far more better  than having a friend  from  the same gender . But because I am a Muslim and an Arab I can't do it really  , I only know them online and they are wonderful  . However  such relationship  must stop for a reason  or another  because  of my religious and cultural  background.  I think  it's okay  somewhere  else in different  society. 

AReality,

Sure, I am aware that societies may have different positions about any subject. I know that it's not easy to put society aside and analyze the situation reducing it only to the people who are involved. Thanks for the comment!

AReality said:

Different societies may have different consideration about cross platform friendship,

I agree with Rosemary comments

Dear Emma,

interesting discussion :D well...I think they can be friends BUT there are some BUT :)
The best is when they don't attract each other ofc - such friendship can work in my opinion for long time BUT even during process of changing etc. one may fall love with second one - which is the end ofc.
If BOTH know pretty good they want to be just friends, they should follow some unwritten rules and shouldn't cross them - so I would say strong self-discipline plays big role here and also knowing that once we would cross it -> we would lose this person as a friend ... woud it be worth it? That's what we should realize before start messing with some freaky ideas :p

Hey, Luci!

There are always some BUTs :D Probably you are right, there may be such kind of friendship, If there is no attraction. Unfortunately that happens almost never :p Plus, situation gets even more complicated when both of them find their life partners… However, I was delighted to see your comment here. ;)



Luci said:

Dear Emma,

interesting discussion :D well...I think they can be friends BUT there are some BUT :)
The best is when they don't attract each other ofc - such friendship can work in my opinion for long time BUT even during process of changing etc. one may fall love with second one - which is the end ofc.
If BOTH know pretty good they want to be just friends, they should follow some unwritten rules and shouldn't cross them - so I would say strong self-discipline plays big role here and also knowing that once we would cross it -> we would lose this person as a friend ... woud it be worth it? That's what we should realize before start messing with some freaky ideas :p
Come on .. not all the people attract each other :D and like you said....if both find lifepartner and are able still keep their friendship despite lifepartners are dying of jealousy :D then what the hell it is ha?:D grrrrrr.... I think that even if these two feel sth more but keep it at the level of friendship.. it is nice nah? I wouldnt take it as cheating...it is like special category :D anywayz...what's your opinion after your story with that one friend..is it possible? No ;D

I think and believe friendship between different gender is possible as long as both don't attract each other in sexual manner.
The possibility to become friends bases on many varied reasons as so as between friends of the same sex, too.  
To fall in love with someone needs sexual attraction ... we say the chemistry has to fit ... no one single woman will fall in love with all men ... and also no one single man will fall in love with all women ... Exactly that it would mean if we claim that a man and a woman can't have a true friendship with one person of the other gender.
It can be inspiring  and it is exciting for both because they can exchange their different point of view in many things. Males and females don't think the same way about everything, that is normal and biologicallly proved ... and to be honest ... it would be weird if it were so.

Possible. I have two guy bestfriends in college and up to date we are still good friends. We see each other as siblings. Well,they have had treated me as a guy. :D and that makes our rapport. Plus they are gentleman and never tried anything silly ever. To sum up,because God is our core so we blend quite well altogether.

If I have to be completely honest it wasn’t just “that one friend” of mine, there were a few of them. I mentioned just one because I didn’t want to look like those people who keep banging their head against a wall probably thinking “Wow, this time wasn’t that bad, maybe next time it won’t hurt so much and I’ll manage to break the wall eventually.”  :-D Well, guess what, the wall is still there and my head is not able to handle more traumas, so… Yes, I think it’s impossible. :p

LoL, I hope you didn’t get lost in all these metaphors above… When did I start speaking so metaphorically? :D


Luci said:

Come on .. not all the people attract each other :D and like you said....if both find lifepartner and are able still keep their friendship despite lifepartners are dying of jealousy :D then what the hell it is ha?:D grrrrrr.... I think that even if these two feel sth more but keep it at the level of friendship.. it is nice nah? I wouldnt take it as cheating...it is like special category :D anywayz...what's your opinion after your story with that one friend..is it possible? No ;D


Hello, Rose!

I didn't mean single women fall in love with all men or opposite. I just wanted to point the fact that If you like someone as a friend, it means you like his personality, in this case there is just one step to love :) Thanks for your comment, it's always nice to see different point of view. 
Rose said:

I think and believe friendship between different gender is possible as long as both don't attract each other in sexual manner.
The possibility to become friends bases on many varied reasons as so as between friends of the same sex, too.  
To fall in love with someone needs sexual attraction ... we say the chemistry has to fit ... no one single woman will fall in love with all men ... and also no one single man will fall in love with all women ... Exactly that it would mean if we claim that a man and a woman can't have a true friendship with one person of the other gender.
It can be inspiring  and it is exciting for both because they can exchange their different point of view in many things. Males and females don't think the same way about everything, that is normal and biologicallly proved ... and to be honest ... it would be weird if it were so.

RSS

How to Report a Member
FIRST, go to the member's page. Click "Report Member" at the bottom of the page. Fill in the form and send.

MyEC Terms of Service

Technical HELP

Please DON'T Plagiarize!

Test your level

MyEC Moderators
Robbie
Grace
Expector
Nadira 
Paula
Onee

Josef Essberger

Official MyEC Page

Official MyEC Welcoming Committee

Forum

How Do You Kiss in Your Country?

Started by AG in General Discussion. Last reply by AG 6 hours ago. 42 Replies

Hello everybody, :D everybody, sharpen your lips and stiffen your pouts, because we are gonna kiss today :D This topic started when I was kissing (ops) discussing about kissing culture with someone in private chat just few days ago, ehm.. ehm.. So,…Continue

money and happiness

Started by dara gino in General Discussion. Last reply by dara gino yesterday. 24 Replies

Of course, every one of us wants to be happy in his life. How do we do that?Is it possible to buy happiness by money? I have a lot of money; does that mean I am happy? If the answer is yes, it means that poor people are not happy. Depression and…Continue

My name izzz...

Started by Luci in Introduce Yourself :)). Last reply by Danny Clark on Saturday. 21 Replies

Hello everybody,it is cool coinscidence because exactly 6 years ago in October 2011, I joined EC :p Nobody has ever helped me to understand, what the hell was going on here - in fact - I had to follow my senses to be familiar with this platform…Continue

How to beat stress? Share your experiences ;)

Started by Luci in General Discussion. Last reply by Diah 32 minutes ago. 12 Replies

Hello guys,let's start this psychological research ;)We live in hectic era which brings stress into our life. I would be thankful to all of you - if you share here:1. What do you do when you are stressed (if you freak out or if you can ignore it…Continue

© 2017   Created by Josef Essberger.   Powered by

Badges  |  Report Member  |  Terms of Service